MANual, part four.

Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house. ~Author Unknown

Psychology Majors Fratris majorus psychologis

· Common names: Psychology major, Psych major

· Genus name: Fratris majorus psychologis

· Habitat:

· Anywhere on campus. These males have classes scattered in all buildings.

· A psychology major’s natural habitat is typically messy and cluttered. They are more likely to take notes in notebooks than on a laptop, and therefore are more likely to have loose paper than other classes of males.

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Balding. Psychology majors recognize that there is not much they can do in the “real world” with only a major in psychology, so they usually major in something else to supplement this major, meaning that they are in school for quite a while. Because of this, they have an older mean age than other males. They usually dress either professionally, with button-down, collared shirts, or they have a more “indie” style. Moccasins are typical of these males. Glasses are acceptable and even encouraged in this field and are often sported by psychology majors.

· Feeding habits:

· Psychology majors are not usually very picky about the food they consume. They are, however, more health-conscious than premies.

· Agonistic display

· Psychology majors will follow the following steps when involved in a confrontation:

1. State their opinion calmly, in a carefully structured “I” statement.

2. Analyze the situation. Determine and simplify the two points of view.

3. Misconstrue their opponent’s point of view to be something totally different.

4. Suggest that the confrontation is about a deeper, underlying issue.

5. Analyze that issue and ignore the issue at hand.

· Psychology majors will not get in physical fights, whenever it is possible to avoid them. They are more willing to discuss their feelings than other classes of males and believe they have an inherent superiority in their ability to resolve conflicts because of their background in psychology.

· It is usually acceptable to tell a psychology major that they are wrong, as they will not get offended, but will silently chalk it up to a deeper issue. They will go on wholeheartedly believing that they are right and that you are in denial or are repressing your feelings, but will not express this if they feel that their insistence is agitating to their opponent.

· Courtship habits:

· These males will over-analyze everything about a relationship. Dating them will be a little like dating another female, because they are so inclined to talk about their feelings.

· Although sometimes painful to admit, these males do tend to be more in tune with their mate’s feelings than other males are with their mate’s. This can be both a good and a bad thing.

· Psychology majors are most attracted to females who can have stimulating and intellectual conversations with them without making them feel inferior. They like teaching people, and will never miss an opportunity to share new information with their mate. When dating a psychology major, it is polite to act as though everything they say is new information to you. Praising their intellect is always advisable. Offering to proofread their term papers, conversely, never is.

· Mating call

· “I must say, you’re a fascinating subject.”

· “I can read minds, and if I’m not mistaken, you’re thinking I should ask you out for this weekend.”

· “Trust me…I study people. And every guy in this room wants you, and I can tell you right now, I’m the only one who really meets your standards.”

“The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.” ~Carrie Underwood

Summer Sales Boys Fratris mercantis veranus

· Common names: Door-to-door salesmen, Pest control boys, Pesticide boys, Security salesmen

· Genus name: Fratris mercantis veranus

· Habitat:

· These males are often business majors – see Fratris majorus mercantis.

· Also, the gym, as they are greatly concerned with their appearance.

· the local pool

· In their natural habitat, these males are extremely likely to own a LoveSac.

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Typically attractive, as it is practically a requirement of the job. These males will go tanning, get their hair done, and will usually either be clean-shaven or carefully rugged. They depend on their looks and charm to get them what they want. They like working out and especially work out their arms. If these males need glasses, they will usually opt to use contacts instead, or go for the classy plastic glasses.

· Feeding habits:

· Protein shakes

· These males go out to eat frequently and enjoy higher class foods.

· Agonistic display

· Being naturally competitive, summer sales boys are less likely to back down from confrontations than other males. They will speak in an even, unapologetic tone. Conflicts only end if they prove that they are in the right and their opponent backs down, or they decide that their opponent is not worth their time and effort.

· These males have a difficult job, fraught with rejection and rudeness. Therefore, in a non-work setting, they feel even more entitled to respect and become quickly irritated when they feel they are not getting it.

· Questioning or challenging the authority of these males is unadvisable, as they are “smooth talkers” and very egotistical. They do not believe that they are ever wrong, more so than other classes of males. If they did well with summer sales, they will conclude that it is because of their natural charm and talent and will continue to employ the skills they learned while selling in other relationships. If you find yourself in a disagreement with a summer sales boy, and you feel like he is trying to sell you his opinion, you are right: he is.

· When one group of summer salesmen meets another group of summer salesmen, they will immediately being comparing themselves. For instance, when a group of pesticide boys meets a group of security salesmen, the topic of conversation will inevitably turn to how much commission they get, how easy it is to sell accounts, and the perks of the job.

· Courtship habits:

· These males are extremely confident in asking girls out on dates. They think very highly of themselves and often view girls as customers to whom they need to sell an account: themselves.

· Because of their vast experience with people, summer sales boys know how to be charming and charismatic. They are more flirtatious and less serious than business majors.

· However, working as a summer sales boy also implants bad habits for courtship in these males. For one thing, working in an “exotic” (or at least different) location increases the chances that they will have a summer fling. This teaches them how to effectively begin and end intentionally short-lived relationships. In addition, being so competitive and dealing with so much pressure to be the alpha male causes them to consider who the best female to show off to their friends would be, and it is that female that they will attempt to date. This makes it so their motives are not as pure as females would usually prefer.

· Summer sales boys are less parsimonious than business majors, usually. Selling several accounts in one day gives them a euphoric and inaccurate sense of their own wealth, causing them to be more willing to spend money at restaurants, etc. They have also learned to evaluate people’s worth based on their ability to make money, and because of this, they express themselves with their money, wanting others to judge them well.

· Summer sales boys also have difficulty committing to one particular female, and are even worse at it than business majors. They are charming, chronically flirtatious, and very selective of their mates.

· Be cautious when dating a summer sales boy. They are difficult to trust because, as a salesman, they often were told outright by their employers to be dishonest in order to sell an account. They can be pushy and, although they dealt with it a good deal over the summer, do not like rejection in their personal lives.

· If you do reject a summer sales boy, they will quickly move on to the next female. They will probably treat you rudely in the future, as if you are inconsequential to them, since this is the way they would treat a potential customer who refused to buy something from them.

· These males are also more likely to be interested in a relationship with a low level of commitment, such as NCMO’s or friends with benefits. If this is the case, the female will be a conquest they can brag about to their friends, and will be treated in the same they would treat a large account they sold.

· Mating call

· “I thought I was the salesman, but this time, I’m the one getting sold….on you.”

· “I know you want me.” (Summer sales boys are, as I said, very egotistical.)

Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. ~William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor, 1601

Theater / Music Majors Fratris majorus thespus

· Common names: Music major, theater major, bandie. These males are also commonly called by the instrument they play or the voice part they sing, for example: cellist, viola, tenor, bass, etc.

· Genus name: Fratris majorus thespus; Fratris majorus musicalis; Fratris majorus dramaticus

· Habitat:

· D’Jong Concert Hall

· Harris Fine Arts Center

· Covey Center for the Arts

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Either dramatically eccentric clothes or more “brooding artist”-esque appearance. Typically at BYU, these males will choose to wear the former rather than the latter, which is more common outside of BYU. May be toting an instrument or sheet music. Theater majors are generally loud and very comical. They are outgoing, creative, and true performers.

· Feeding habits:

· Music and theater majors who depend on their voice are very careful about what they eat and drink. They do not touch soda or drink milk or anything with lactose at any time nearing a performance. They consume large volumes of water and herbal tea.

· Males majoring in dance or another theatrical subcategory are extremely cautious about their weight. Perfection in appearance is important to their success as a performing major.

· Agonistic display

· Anyone in a music or theater major understands the nature of friendly competition and will desire things to remain civil, at least at first. However, they do want to be the best, and they will work very hard to prove that they are. This can take much of the friendliness out of the competition when confronted by someone else with the same attitude.

· When in a physical fight, theater majors will fall back on their education and training in stage fighting. They will also quote movies, either in an effort to lighten the mood, or because they have a natural theatrical flare that is not easily suppressed.

· When told that they have lost, music and theater majors will accept the decision, but they will not necessarily do so happily. They will review their own performance and work to improve it for the next time they are met with a challenge.

· Courtship habits:

· These males tend to be more romantic than most other males. They throw themselves into relationships and are more dramatic when they come to an end.

· Music majors are likely to serenade prospective mates when asking for a date. They draw from a vast database of films and songs when choosing their words and sometimes directly copy what they have seen. However, they also tend to be very creative and a relationship with a music major can be extremely enjoyable.

· Sometimes, these males find it difficult to detach themselves from their chosen craft in order to make sufficient time for a relationship. This can be difficult for their mates to be understanding of, but it is important that she never ask her music major mate to choose between her and his piano, or trumpet, or ballroom dance partner.

· She also must be prepared to see him act passionately with another female on the stage or on the dance floor. This should not be misconstrued as faithlessness, but if the mate is uncomfortable with it, she should not avoid discussing it with her mate. Music majors need open communication in relationships in order to be satisfied with them.

· Mating call

· “Someone as beautiful as you belongs on a Broadway stage.”

· “Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I love you, until the end of time.”

· “We should be lovers, and that’s a fact.”

· “This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?”

· Or another famous love quote for a movie.

· “I’ve been accused of being a little dramatic, but I don’t think I’m being dramatic when I say that if you don’t go out with me this weekend, I’m literally going to die.”

· “It takes two to tango.”

MANual, Part Three.

“All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all others.” -Cynthia Heimel

Engineering Majors Fratris majorus ingeniaris

· Common names: Engineering major

· Genus name: Fratris majorus ingeniaris

· Habitat:

· Talmage building

· Clyde building

· Eyring Science Center

· Crabtree Technology building

· EE-EE dances

· An engineering major’s natural habitat is typically messy and cluttered. This is a class of male that, almost without exception, needs a woman’s touch to keep mold and fungus from growing in their apartment and ants from invading. There will almost definitely be a well-used and loved game system where the engineering major hones his World of Warcraft skills. You can also expect to see a collection of Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and other science fiction DVD’s—all the extended versions.

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Glasses, furrowed eyebrows, pencil behind ear, calculator at immediate access. Engineering majors are not typically well-dressed and tend to have more scruff than other males. When they are dressed up, their ties are usually either too short or too long, and their shirt is untucked more often than not. This is because engineering majors have more important things to think about than their appearance, such as which one is better, a Mac or a PC.

· Feeding habits:

· Sandwiches, such as egg salad, peanut butter and jelly, or deli sandwiches with the deli meat carelessly thrown on.

· Fast food, freezer pizzas, granola bars, cold cereal, or microwave dinners. Engineering takes precedence over food, but engineering majors are still males, and still must eat.

· Agonistic display

· When another male enters their territory, engineering majors usually bristle and get flustered. Rather than engage in a conflict with a dominant male, they will leave in a huff and angrily discuss their encounter later with other engineering majors.

· Engineering majors get very defensive and abrupt when they feel that they are being backed into a corner. They might snap a pencil or two, but generally speaking are docile and sweet.

· Courtship habits:

· May ask females on a date in a creative but nerdy way, such as spelling out “Date?” on their calculator.

· These males do not typically like games in courtship and tend to be more direct.

· Since they tend to be more technologically savvy than other classes of males, they will be excellent at holding up a texting relationship.

· Engineering majors have a difficult reputation to break away from of being awkward, socially inept, messy, and smelling unattractive. While these are accurate of some engineering majors, they also tend to be caring, thoughtful, and faithful to their mate.

· Mating call

· “Are you a magnet, because I’m attracted to you!”

· “I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.”

· “Let’s you and me go engineer a little romance.”

· “I’m feeling exponentially more attracted to you as the minutes pass.”

“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” ~Lana Turner

Pre-missionaries Fratris infantus

· Common names: Premies, pre-missionaries, babies.

· Genus name: Fratris infantus

· Habitat:

· Helaman Halls

· Freshman housing

· Dance clubs, such as The Loft and Studio 600

· Brother Bott’s mission prep classes

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Of all the classes of male, this is the only class that does not wear garments. Their hair is usually longer and more unkempt than other males who have already served missions. They are also afflicted with more acne than the average RM. As a freshman female, it can be difficult to tell Premies apart from other males, but when one becomes a sophomore, it becomes significantly easier. They simply look and act younger.

· Feeding habits:

· Cannon center

· Fast food

· Whatever the girls in their wards feed them.

· Pre-missionaries are not typically healthy eaters, but they are hearty and appreciative eaters. They don’t usually know how to cook very well and will eat whatever is most readily available to them. Since most of them are still teenagers, they have usually either barely hit their growth spurt or are still waiting for it. Either way, these males are ravenous at all times. They appreciate good food perhaps more than any other class of male and respond marvelously to it.

· Agonistic display

· Premies wrestle when confronted by an opponent. They are much more prone to conflict, especially physical contact, than other classes of males. These wrestling matches usually end with both parties feeling better, regardless of what the argument was about to begin with.

· When backed into a corner, premies will usually turn to either humor or pouting to escape. They are still a little unsure of themselves, but want to appear confident and adult, so this is an uncomfortable situation for them.

· Pointing out that a premie is wrong is unadvisable. Since they are male, they like to be right—all the time—and since they are young, they do not know how to respond gracefully when they are wrong.

· Courtship habits:

· Date as many girls as they possibly can. This is referred to as “filling the canteen.”

· These males love games in courtship. They are extroverted and flirtatious. Even if they are intimidated, they will be more willing to ask out a female they find attractive because of their lack of previous rejection and because of the pressure of their peers.

· Furthermore, they have a “more fish in the sea” attitude about dating as they will be leaving to serve their mission soon, and so are not overly concerned with serious relationships.

· Be cautious, however. Once in a relationship, these males will often be disillusioned with the idea that the girl they are dating will be willing to wait two years for them. This either leads to a mutual obsession with one other or a Dear John. Either way is emotionally draining and is ill-advised.

· Being in an exclusive relationship with a premie can be quite enjoyable. Since they are not highly motivated, they will be more willing to play childlike games and stay up late at night. These relationships also have a built-in expiration date (whenever they leave on their mission) which can promote a generally lighthearted feel to the relationship, alleviating some pressure from the female.

· If a premie decides to end a relationship, for whatever reason, he will not do so formally. Instead, he will abruptly cut off all ties and start pursuing another female. They are uncomfortable with confrontations with the opposite sex and will avoid them at all costs.

· Occasionally the premie will decide to end the relationship formally. This usually only happens at the persistence of the female involved. When they do decide to end the relationship officially, they will cite their upcoming mission and their need to maintain focus as the cause (a popular Mormonized version of the common phrase, “It’s not you, it’s me.”)

· Mating call

· “Did you fart? Because you just blew me away!” (or another equally tactful pickup line.)

· “I’ll probably go somewhere exotic for the mish and come back with a sexy accent.”

· “I’m just trying to fill the canteen.”

· “Yeah, but I’m not leaving until [insert month of mission date here] which leaves us plenty of time for us to get to know another.”

· “Would you like to hold the priesthood? Because I’m free on Friday…”

· “No, really. The Spirit is insisting that I take you out this weekend.”

MANual, Part 2b: Barely Returned Missionaries

“There are a lot of women who live with pot bellied pigs.”

Barely Returned Missionaries Fratris missionarius recentus

· Common names: RM, returned missionary, fresh off the field

· Genus name: Fratris missionarius recentus

· Habitat:

· Anywhere on campus

· Provo temple

· Defining characteristics / field marks: CTR ring; clean-shaven; pocket-sized scriptures; some souvenir from their mission, such as a scripture case made of snakeskin, a shark-tooth necklace, a Del Sol shirt, or a fancy pen from the Bank of Scotland; bicycle helmet (if they rode bikes on their mission); farmer’s tan (if they served somewhere sunny); missionary-like planner. Barely returned missionaries, called BRM’s for our purposes, often have difficulty adjusting to life as they knew it before their missions. They will appear stiff and awkward when talking casually with members of the opposite sex and will stick to asking specific questions rather than letting the conversation flow naturally. Their facial expressions are usually either (a) pondering and thoughtful, or (b) lost and confused, searching for their companion. They will also look thoroughly perplexed when the conversation turns to pop culture, current music, or new movies.

· Feeding habits:

· Three square meals a day. These males are used to order and structure in their days. Eating consistent things at consistent times is an important reinforcement of routine.

· Whatever they ate on their mission. BRM’s who served in South America will typically return to the states with a tolerance and even preference of spicy foods. Those who served coastal missions will prefer seafood. Italian BRM’s will be partial toward and selective about their pasta.

· Agonistic display

· BRM’s have just spent two years avoiding conflict of all kinds. They have, in most cases, matured and learned a great deal about humility while on their missions. Because of this, they are not eager to engage in conflict of any kind and would rather back down than argue.

· If pushed into a physical fight, they will insist on a prayer beforehand.

· Courtship habits:

· These males tend to be extremely awkward around females and often do not date at all the first few months following their mission, except when well-meaning friends and family will set them up with anyone and everyone that might be single.

· When they do ask a female on a date, they will usually ask for a commitment. For example, “Will you go out with me on Friday?”

· It is important to allow BRM’s to talk tirelessly about their mission. They have little else to say, and cutting off that conversation only leads to awkwardness as they struggle to think of a different topic.

· Don’t be surprised if a BRM you are dating refers to you as “golden.” In fact, you should take it as a compliment.

· Unlike other classes of males, BRM’s are usually more willing to commit, especially when they are “fresh off the field.” Having their eternal perspective, they are thrilled about the concept of marriage and see it as both a duty and a wonderful blessing. This leads to a paradoxical combination of awkward hesitation and eagerness to commit.

· BRM’s are some of the most considerate dates. They will call when they say they will, and will show up in a timely manner. They give several days notice before the day of the date. They are gentlemanly and respectful. Sometimes females find this disconcerting and wish for something a little less formal and more spontaneous, but at least faithfulness, etiquette, and genuineness are assured with a BRM.

· Mating call

· When approaching a female at a water fountain: “You know, Moses met his wife at a well...”

· “We’ve been commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth.”

· “Will you commit to dinner with me on Saturday night?”

· “Perfect love casteth out fear. You’re not afraid, are you?”

· “Boy, it’s a good thing I didn’t tract into you on the mish….missionaries are supposed to have their heart locked.”

· “I think we met in the pre-existence.”

· “Maybe you weren’t waiting for two years for me, but I think you may be just what I was waiting to find.”

· “God promises blessings to missionaries, but I didn’t realize it would look this good!”

MANual, Part 2.

As promised, here are two more entries from my MANual. Keep in mind that these are all oversimplifications and overgeneralizations. It's just for fun :) Enjoy!

“Men are beasts, and even beasts don't behave as they do.” -Lana Turner

Business Majors Fratris majorus mercantis

· Common names: Business major

· Genus name: Fratris majorus mercantis

· Habitat:

· N. Eldon Tanner building

· Harold B. Lee Library

· Career fairs / business seminars

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Typically, business majors will be nicely dressed, with button-down or collared shirts, a sports jacket, and nice shoes. They are clean-shaven and usually attractive. When they have an interview or a presentation, they are more dressed up, with a suit and tie. Business majors are confident and motivated, and can sometimes come off as either arrogant or too serious. They are usually about 22-27 years old.

· Feeding habits:

· Blue Line Deli

· Interview luncheons with potential employers

· Classy foods, nothing that looks too cheap or too homemade

· Agonistic display

· When another male enters their territory, business majors usually resort to one-upping, namedropping, and bragging. They will not make outright threats. Some of their charisma is lost as they try to prove their superiority.

· Business majors are competitive by nature, but they also understand the importance of charm and the need to get along with those around them. They will therefore avoid fighting unless their opponent can do nothing for them, has blatantly threatened them, or has wounded their ego.

· Courtship habits

· Since the vast majority of the business school is male, business majors will usually seek a mate elsewhere. Using their admirable networking skills, they will first decide on a target within their social pool and then arrange for a mutual friend to introduce them.

· Business majors are direct and will ask a female on a date if they are interested in her. Their combination of past successes and natural egocentrism makes them less afraid of rejection than other males.

· Keep in mind that business majors are largely concerned with money. When in a relationship, they will either (a) shower their mate with gifts in an effort to impress her, or (b) spend as little money as possible in an effort to be frugal.

· Because of their heavy classload, motivation to do well, and natural inclination to flirtatiousness, business majors find it difficult to commit to a single relationship. (This also makes it difficult for females to commit to business majors, often feeling like the male does not make enough time for them.)

· Mating call

· "Oh, you're from (fill in the blank)? I did an internship there."

· "I'm not really this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet."

· "Wow! Your eyes are the same color as my [insert nice car here]!"

· "I'm a business major, so I know all about interest...and I can tell that you are interested in me.

MANual, part one.

So for my History of Creativity class, we were required to come up with our own final project. We could do anything we wanted, as long as it creatively incorporated something we learned about this semester.

For my project, I wrote a MANual: a field guide of the boys at BYU. I think posting all of it at once would be kindd of a lot, so I'll just post them one at a time until they're done. Today I'm just posting the introduction and the first entry. This one is on athletes. Let me know what you think!!

Men are Dogs.

"Men are dogs." There I sat, a wide-eyed fourteen-year-old, carefully considering everything my bishop was saying to theYoung Women in my ward. Was it true? I asked myself. Could it be that, despite my childhood dreams, there really were no awkward and sadly misrepresented frogs waiting for identity-altering kisses? Were frogs, in fact, frogs?

More importantly, were men, in fact, dogs?

Bishop Nuss had certainly developed his argument well--even at fourteen, I could (albeit begrudgingly) admit that. He stood before us, a member of the species he claimed to know so much. How could we question that? His ethos was certainly intact. Even worse, every word made perfect sense. The lesson was on modesty, but it turned into much more: a frank and unrepentant examination of the essential differences between men and women.

Bishop Nuss went on to tell us, in no uncertain terms, that boys are a different species than girls. They were driven, especially teenage boys, by testosterone. They had one thing and one thing only on their minds, and that was not our comfort or happiness. A kiss meant something very different to boys than it meant to girls. Et cetera. My head was spinning. I never looked at boys in the same way again.

BYU Boys are Dogs.

When I arrived at Brigham Young University two years ago, I couldn't have been more thrilled. The campus was swarming with eligible young men, and I was right in the thick of it. I wrote to my Young Women's leader, calling BYU "the promised land, only flowing with men instead of milk and honey."

In my wide-eyed, nineteen-year-old innocence, I may have forgotten one thing: men are dogs. And if my bishop was right, then BYU boys, as awesome as they seem, are no exception to this rule, and Cougars are dogs, too. Now I've gone to classes, I've cheered at sporting events, and I've attended parties. I have met many great boys here in Provo, and I can truly say that, maybe despite their canine tendencies, I love boys, both collectively and individually. Based on my experiences, I'd like to tack an addendum onto my bishop's maxim.

A Dog is a Dog is a Dog?

There are countless types of dogs in the world. It would be silly to say that a spunky Chihuahua is the same thing as a beefy Rottweiler, and so to make identification of dogs easier, people came up with different classifications that were unique to each different type of dog.

In the same way, there are many different types of boys. Different girls prefer different types of boys. In order to make identification and selection easier for girls, I have come up with different classifications to describe the boys on BYU's campus. This list is not all-inclusive, but I have striven to include every species that I have come across, in my experience.

Please also be aware that this field guide may include sweeping generalizations. Once you reach this awareness, you should also reach a determination that you will not be offended by these generalizations. Of course your man does not fit any of these descriptions. Naturally you are dating the only boy in the world who is simply a man, and not a dog. Of course he is different. Obviously he is the exception and not the rule. And should you two ever break up, it goes without saying that you will find the only other boy in the world who is not a dog. And I wish you the best of luck with him, because, quite frankly, dogs are easier to train than men.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. ~Author Unknown

Athletes Fratris athleticus

· Common names: athletes, jocks, volleyballers, rugby boys, footballers, baseball boys, basketball boys, etc. Also called by their specific position on their respective teams.

· Genus name: Fratris athleticus

· Habitat:

· Richards Building

· Joseph Smith fieldhouse

· Glenwood apartments

· Helaman Halls

· practice fields

· weight rooms, or the gym

· Some of athletes’ favorite classes include: Floral Design, Sociology, and Flexibility.

· Defining characteristics / field marks:

· All BYU athletes share some commonalities, but they can also be divided into subgroups by which sport they play.

· Volleyball: usually tall and thin, with gangly limbs and toned muscles.

· Football: bigger rather than thinner; their muscles are usually bulkier rather than toned; a large number of males on the football team are Polynesian.

· Track / Cross country: very thin and lanky; suntanned; may be wearing shorts that are shorter than normal; more comfortable with fewer clothes.

· Basketball: tall and muscular, especially muscular arms; can be told apart from volleyball players because they are more often African-American rather than Caucasian.

· Rugby: generally shorter and stockier than other athletes; can be seen handing out flyers in the Wilkinson Student Center and speaking in fake accents.

· Besides all this, athletes are not easily spotted on campus. They are often traveling with their team to other states for games and therefore have very bad attendance in almost all of their classes. When they do attend classes, they may arrive late, dressed in BYU sweats and jacket and carrying a casual drawstring backpack. Because of this, many believe that BYU athletes are arrogant and have an entitlement attitude towards their classes.

· Feeding habits:

· Protein shakes.

· Whatever their personal trainer recommends. Athletes realize that their body is a machine and should be treated with care.

· More than any other class of male, these males eat a good amount of meat.

· Athletes also eat a lot of food, in general. They expend so much energy at their practices and in their games that they need that much more food. In addition, they consume copious amounts of water and Gatorade.

· Agonistic display

· Athletes are not afraid to fight physically, and hate to be challenged by a clearly inferior opponent. They do not seek out conflicts, as getting in fights would jeopardize their position on their team and their popularity. They make an effort to channel their anger into their performance in the soonest game.

· As a conflict becomes more intense, athletes will attempt to make themselves look bigger by raising to their full height and breathing menacingly. Stereotypically, they do not have much to say by way of debate, but people avoid fighting with them because of their formidable stature. The accuracy of this stereotype is debatable.

· Courtship habits:

· Athletes are not unaware of their elite status as a member of a BYU athletic team, but are less willing to refer to this as a way to get a date than business majors, for instance, are willing to mention their impressive internship. Whether this is because they assume that everyone already knows that they are on their sports team or not is also debatable.

· Athletes can be difficult to date because of their extreme popularity, but this also makes having a relationship with one of them highly enjoyable. Pros include: (a) being able to say that you dated Harvey Unga, or whoever the athlete was; (b) getting exclusive passes to sporting events; (c) meeting other BYU athletes. Cons include: (a) frequent traveling = frequent loneliness; (b) responsibility to BYU to not keep your athlete out too late or give him mono; (c) constant competition with other girls on campus to keep your athlete, yours.

· These males can be very fickle as a mate. They get preoccupied with practices, games, and trips and can forget to call or txt when they were supposed to.

· A female who is dating someone on a BYU athletic team will be expected to learn about their mate’s sport, be at all the home games (at least), bring a sign with their mate’s team number, and be understanding of scheduling conflicts.

· Mating call

· “Maybe we should huddle about it, just you and me.”

· “I’m a player. If you understand that, then we’re good.”

· “…And that’s when Coach gave me the award for MVP of the game.”

· “I can teach you how to tackle, if you don’t mind getting a little dirty.”