Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house. ~Author Unknown
Psychology Majors Fratris majorus psychologis
· Common names: Psychology major, Psych major
· Genus name: Fratris majorus psychologis
· Habitat:
· Anywhere on campus. These males have classes scattered in all buildings.
· A psychology major’s natural habitat is typically messy and cluttered. They are more likely to take notes in notebooks than on a laptop, and therefore are more likely to have loose paper than other classes of males.
· Defining characteristics / field marks: Balding. Psychology majors recognize that there is not much they can do in the “real world” with only a major in psychology, so they usually major in something else to supplement this major, meaning that they are in school for quite a while. Because of this, they have an older mean age than other males. They usually dress either professionally, with button-down, collared shirts, or they have a more “indie” style. Moccasins are typical of these males. Glasses are acceptable and even encouraged in this field and are often sported by psychology majors.
· Feeding habits:
· Psychology majors are not usually very picky about the food they consume. They are, however, more health-conscious than premies.
· Agonistic display
· Psychology majors will follow the following steps when involved in a confrontation:
1. State their opinion calmly, in a carefully structured “I” statement.
2. Analyze the situation. Determine and simplify the two points of view.
3. Misconstrue their opponent’s point of view to be something totally different.
4. Suggest that the confrontation is about a deeper, underlying issue.
5. Analyze that issue and ignore the issue at hand.
· Psychology majors will not get in physical fights, whenever it is possible to avoid them. They are more willing to discuss their feelings than other classes of males and believe they have an inherent superiority in their ability to resolve conflicts because of their background in psychology.
· It is usually acceptable to tell a psychology major that they are wrong, as they will not get offended, but will silently chalk it up to a deeper issue. They will go on wholeheartedly believing that they are right and that you are in denial or are repressing your feelings, but will not express this if they feel that their insistence is agitating to their opponent.
· Courtship habits:
· These males will over-analyze everything about a relationship. Dating them will be a little like dating another female, because they are so inclined to talk about their feelings.
· Although sometimes painful to admit, these males do tend to be more in tune with their mate’s feelings than other males are with their mate’s. This can be both a good and a bad thing.
· Psychology majors are most attracted to females who can have stimulating and intellectual conversations with them without making them feel inferior. They like teaching people, and will never miss an opportunity to share new information with their mate. When dating a psychology major, it is polite to act as though everything they say is new information to you. Praising their intellect is always advisable. Offering to proofread their term papers, conversely, never is.
· Mating call
· “I must say, you’re a fascinating subject.”
· “I can read minds, and if I’m not mistaken, you’re thinking I should ask you out for this weekend.”
· “Trust me…I study people. And every guy in this room wants you, and I can tell you right now, I’m the only one who really meets your standards.”
“The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.” ~Carrie Underwood
Summer Sales Boys Fratris mercantis veranus
· Common names: Door-to-door salesmen, Pest control boys, Pesticide boys, Security salesmen
· Genus name: Fratris mercantis veranus
· Habitat:
· These males are often business majors – see Fratris majorus mercantis.
· Also, the gym, as they are greatly concerned with their appearance.
· the local pool
· In their natural habitat, these males are extremely likely to own a LoveSac.
· Defining characteristics / field marks: Typically attractive, as it is practically a requirement of the job. These males will go tanning, get their hair done, and will usually either be clean-shaven or carefully rugged. They depend on their looks and charm to get them what they want. They like working out and especially work out their arms. If these males need glasses, they will usually opt to use contacts instead, or go for the classy plastic glasses.
· Feeding habits:
· Protein shakes
· These males go out to eat frequently and enjoy higher class foods.
· Agonistic display
· Being naturally competitive, summer sales boys are less likely to back down from confrontations than other males. They will speak in an even, unapologetic tone. Conflicts only end if they prove that they are in the right and their opponent backs down, or they decide that their opponent is not worth their time and effort.
· These males have a difficult job, fraught with rejection and rudeness. Therefore, in a non-work setting, they feel even more entitled to respect and become quickly irritated when they feel they are not getting it.
· Questioning or challenging the authority of these males is unadvisable, as they are “smooth talkers” and very egotistical. They do not believe that they are ever wrong, more so than other classes of males. If they did well with summer sales, they will conclude that it is because of their natural charm and talent and will continue to employ the skills they learned while selling in other relationships. If you find yourself in a disagreement with a summer sales boy, and you feel like he is trying to sell you his opinion, you are right: he is.
· When one group of summer salesmen meets another group of summer salesmen, they will immediately being comparing themselves. For instance, when a group of pesticide boys meets a group of security salesmen, the topic of conversation will inevitably turn to how much commission they get, how easy it is to sell accounts, and the perks of the job.
· Courtship habits:
· These males are extremely confident in asking girls out on dates. They think very highly of themselves and often view girls as customers to whom they need to sell an account: themselves.
· Because of their vast experience with people, summer sales boys know how to be charming and charismatic. They are more flirtatious and less serious than business majors.
· However, working as a summer sales boy also implants bad habits for courtship in these males. For one thing, working in an “exotic” (or at least different) location increases the chances that they will have a summer fling. This teaches them how to effectively begin and end intentionally short-lived relationships. In addition, being so competitive and dealing with so much pressure to be the alpha male causes them to consider who the best female to show off to their friends would be, and it is that female that they will attempt to date. This makes it so their motives are not as pure as females would usually prefer.
· Summer sales boys are less parsimonious than business majors, usually. Selling several accounts in one day gives them a euphoric and inaccurate sense of their own wealth, causing them to be more willing to spend money at restaurants, etc. They have also learned to evaluate people’s worth based on their ability to make money, and because of this, they express themselves with their money, wanting others to judge them well.
· Summer sales boys also have difficulty committing to one particular female, and are even worse at it than business majors. They are charming, chronically flirtatious, and very selective of their mates.
· Be cautious when dating a summer sales boy. They are difficult to trust because, as a salesman, they often were told outright by their employers to be dishonest in order to sell an account. They can be pushy and, although they dealt with it a good deal over the summer, do not like rejection in their personal lives.
· If you do reject a summer sales boy, they will quickly move on to the next female. They will probably treat you rudely in the future, as if you are inconsequential to them, since this is the way they would treat a potential customer who refused to buy something from them.
· These males are also more likely to be interested in a relationship with a low level of commitment, such as NCMO’s or friends with benefits. If this is the case, the female will be a conquest they can brag about to their friends, and will be treated in the same they would treat a large account they sold.
· Mating call
· “I thought I was the salesman, but this time, I’m the one getting sold….on you.”
· “I know you want me.” (Summer sales boys are, as I said, very egotistical.)
Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. ~William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor, 1601
Theater / Music Majors Fratris majorus thespus
· Common names: Music major, theater major, bandie. These males are also commonly called by the instrument they play or the voice part they sing, for example: cellist, viola, tenor, bass, etc.
· Genus name: Fratris majorus thespus; Fratris majorus musicalis; Fratris majorus dramaticus
· Habitat:
· D’Jong Concert Hall
· Harris Fine Arts Center
· Covey Center for the Arts
· Defining characteristics / field marks: Either dramatically eccentric clothes or more “brooding artist”-esque appearance. Typically at BYU, these males will choose to wear the former rather than the latter, which is more common outside of BYU. May be toting an instrument or sheet music. Theater majors are generally loud and very comical. They are outgoing, creative, and true performers.
· Feeding habits:
· Music and theater majors who depend on their voice are very careful about what they eat and drink. They do not touch soda or drink milk or anything with lactose at any time nearing a performance. They consume large volumes of water and herbal tea.
· Males majoring in dance or another theatrical subcategory are extremely cautious about their weight. Perfection in appearance is important to their success as a performing major.
· Agonistic display
· Anyone in a music or theater major understands the nature of friendly competition and will desire things to remain civil, at least at first. However, they do want to be the best, and they will work very hard to prove that they are. This can take much of the friendliness out of the competition when confronted by someone else with the same attitude.
· When in a physical fight, theater majors will fall back on their education and training in stage fighting. They will also quote movies, either in an effort to lighten the mood, or because they have a natural theatrical flare that is not easily suppressed.
· When told that they have lost, music and theater majors will accept the decision, but they will not necessarily do so happily. They will review their own performance and work to improve it for the next time they are met with a challenge.
· Courtship habits:
· These males tend to be more romantic than most other males. They throw themselves into relationships and are more dramatic when they come to an end.
· Music majors are likely to serenade prospective mates when asking for a date. They draw from a vast database of films and songs when choosing their words and sometimes directly copy what they have seen. However, they also tend to be very creative and a relationship with a music major can be extremely enjoyable.
· Sometimes, these males find it difficult to detach themselves from their chosen craft in order to make sufficient time for a relationship. This can be difficult for their mates to be understanding of, but it is important that she never ask her music major mate to choose between her and his piano, or trumpet, or ballroom dance partner.
· She also must be prepared to see him act passionately with another female on the stage or on the dance floor. This should not be misconstrued as faithlessness, but if the mate is uncomfortable with it, she should not avoid discussing it with her mate. Music majors need open communication in relationships in order to be satisfied with them.
· Mating call
· “Someone as beautiful as you belongs on a Broadway stage.”
· “Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I love you, until the end of time.”
· “We should be lovers, and that’s a fact.”
· “This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?”
· Or another famous love quote for a movie.
· “I’ve been accused of being a little dramatic, but I don’t think I’m being dramatic when I say that if you don’t go out with me this weekend, I’m literally going to die.”
· “It takes two to tango.”
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