That Don't Impress Me Much

Attention boys: I have here a list of things that do not impress me very much. I'm not necessarily trying to speak for all the ladies everywhere, but if you can impress me, there is a large number of other girls who will be similarly impressed. So, without further ado:

Things that Fail to Impress:

1. Staring at me while smoking a cigarette with your pants super-low and your boxers awkwardly hanging out until I look at you, at which point you jut out your chin and smile toothily at me, making me feel really ready for the bus to come.

2. Smoking while wearing anything and looking anywhere, for that matter.

3. Hating on Mormons and BYU within 5 minutes of meeting me, while insisting that you have nothing against Mormons but UNLV has a rivalry with BYU so obviously it makes sense that you have shirts that say F BYU on them.

4. Continuing to dig yourself into a deeper hole by saying that your mom made fun of Mormons but that doesn't mean you have anything against them because your best friend in the world is Mormon and you dated a Mormon girl but she got you in trouble and she wasn't a good Mormon.

5. Telling me that you are Flynn Ryder / Prince Charming / Prince Eric at Disney World and then having me find out from Pocahontas / Mulan / Silver Mist that that was a blatant lie that you were spreading shamelessly all over the ward so more girls would like you. When that's really unnecessary since you're already cute, so getting girls to like you is a non-issue, I would think.

6. Having nothing to say. Ever. But wanting to talk. For long periods of time. (Why? If I had nothing to say, talking would not be fun. I have lots to say, so I love talking. If I had nothing to say, I wouldn't like talking nearly as much.)

7. Telling me you are 18. This one's out of your control. Sorry....I'm just saying.

8. Ten minutes after we meet, telling me that you got kicked out of some police academy for breaking your stepdad's jaw. Really not impressive! Why would you think it would be?

9. Being really cute and then opening your mouth and ruining it by saying nothing intelligent and then sitting in front of me in sacrament meeting and not even paying attention because you are too busy flirting and back-scratching and whispering and.....etc.

Things that DO impress:

1. Magic tricks. With cards.

2. Australian accents.

3. Speaking another language and teaching it to me.

4. Niceness. Like being nice to everyone.

5. Feeding me.

6. Having a motorcycle.

7. Telling me I look like I should be a Disney princess. I don't care that it's cheesy, I will appreciate it!

8. Thinking I am funny.

9. Steak'n'Shake.

Pumbas, Parades, and my Prince Charming(s)

I am no longer "earning my ears," as they say, at the Bibbidy Bobbidy Boutique. As of Thursday, I have completed my training and am now a real live member of the cast at the Boutique. And I love it.

At the Boutique, we have some words that we use to keep up our Disney demeanor and perpetuate the delusions that everyone comes to Disney World armed with. Here are a few:

castle: break, as in lunch break. "I have to go to the castle now."

dungeon: bathroom. "I need to go to the dungeon, I'll be right back."

fairy godmother in training: me! also known as FGITs (pronounced "fidgets").

guest: customer. But everyone uses this term, all over Disney.

magical: annoying or difficult, as in a customer. "We had some magical parents this morning who were just not happy with anything. Even the grandmother was magical!"

pumbas: lice. Before putting up the girls' hair, we are supposed to casually comb through, checking for "pumbas." If we find them, we are supposed to leave their hair alone, do their makeup and nails, and ask a coworker to go get the "Lion King," or one of the managers. They will come, make sure it's lice, and then talk to the parents and get it all worked out. We don't have to do their hair after finding pumbas. Thank gooooodness.

That's all for the vocabulary lesson today.

Now for the perks of my job!

1. Great coworkers! I don't know all of them but they seem really nice, for the most part. Especially my trainer, Nadira. She has been so good to me this whole week and helped me through everything.

2. The hours. Are really not that bad, especially compared to other jobs. I will never get off later than 10, and most of the time, I won't even have to work past 7 or 8. And never earlier than 8:30.

3. Treasure! If the guests want to, they can put a tip in the wishing well. From there it gets all divided up and we collect our treasure every Thursday. Most of the other jobs here don't get that so I am super excited.

4. The hot chocolate machine. In the break room, there is a hot chocolate slash coffee machine that is freeeeeee! I had 4 hot chocolates during my breaks on my first two days of training. It was heavenly. But, I'm not really sure if this belongs on my list of perks, because on my third day of training, one of the FGIT's told me that they found a cockroach in the machine a few months ago. I haven't been able to swallow any more hot chocolate since hearing this horrible news.

5. The cute costumes. I hated them at first, but now I actually think they are really cute! I'll put up a picture soon.

6. The princess parade! Every day at 2, we gather up all the little princesses around Downtown Disney, where the Boutique is, and walk with them up to the carousel. We wave like princesses and blow kisses at all the shopkeepers, who come out to wave and blow bubbles at us. It is my favorite part of every work day. Especially because of perk #7.

7. Prince Charming. I do not know his real name, but he works at Downtown Disney and waves at us with a Mickey glove on his right hand, so I know he is single. He wears real people clothes, not a costume, so I know he is a manager, which means he is intelligent and a good worker and a leader. I see him talking and joking with the custodians, so I also know he is approachable, not stuck-up, and easy-going. He is tall and has dimples and one day, I will talk to him. Or he will talk to me. All I'm saying is, I am in love with him.

The title of this post says "Prince Charming(s)" because I am not really trying to limit myself to the mysterious man I see when I walk in the parade. One of my friends is a character attendant and has kindly offered to arrange a backstage makeout with Aladdin for me. I really am in no position to refuse.

Unless he is gay, which, sadly, is quite possible. Then I think it will be best if I just leave him to Jasmine.

A Balmy 68* F

Friends, I now live in Disney World. In Orlando, Florida. It was 68*F when I got off the plane in the most beautiful airport I've ever flown into. I took off my jacket and put it in my suitcase. Then I took off my other jacket and put it in my other suitcase. Then I stopped taking off clothes.

I arrived at check-in. Our bus driver, Eric Mullen, dropped us off at the front of the complex, so we had to drag our luggage (2 huge suitcases, a smaller suitcase, a backpack, and a purse for me) all the way to the other end of the housing complex. We got our pictures taken. We got assigned our apartments. They are beautiful! We learned who our roommates were. They were also beautiful! I am living with Christine, Jackie, and a girl from BYU-I named Olivia. She is so fun and we love her already. I will post pictures soon.

I moved into said apartment. I started figuring out the bus system. We stood in line, starving, for six hours, filling out paperwork one person at a time. I bought groceries. I rode in a taxi for the first time (with my roommates). I saw a little green frog. I wore flipflops. I ran on a treadmill for the first time, because I saw a beautiful boy working out in the fitness center right next to my new house. He was gone when I got there, but Jackie still made me run on the treadmill. And I loved it. And I didn't even fall once. And I went 1.8 miles. And I liked it! And I'm going to go back again!

I went to Downtown Disney. I rode in a complimentary water taxi. I didn't see an alligator. I fell in love with a talented musician playing the drums for an electric violinist. I saw where I'm going to work. I hated my costume on sight. I cheered up because I am living in Disney World.

And because I split a Ghirardelli hot fudge sundae with my roommates.