Just a Little Rain

Last Saturday, something very exciting happened for BYU. We won the football game! It was a pretty crazy game and lots of my friends posted all up on Facebook about how fun it was to be there, even though they got soaked. (It started raining during the game.)

And ALL I have to say to them is, my goodness, you do look wet, mind if I share my story now?

Because you see, Stephen and I really like going on hikes. Utah has some beautiful hikes, it's a fun way to be outdoorsy and in shape without going running, and it doesn't hurt that we got engaged on a hike, either. So when he asked me on Saturday afternoon if I wanted to go on a hike, I said yes. 

We were on our way to hike Squaw Peak when Julie called. Nicole's mission call had arrived! She would be opening it in 3 hours. 

"We're not afraid," we declared boldly. After all, the sun was shining. It was barely 75*, perfect weather for hiking, and we were two in-shape (ish) people who could certainly make it to the top of a mountain and back down in 2 1/2 hours. Armed with our phones and water bottles, we set off up the mountain. 

Our hikes typically go something like this: 

Phase 1 - Optimism in togetherness

Phase 2 - Optimism in individual hiking

Phase 3 - Pessimism in individual hiking

Phase 4 - Elation in reaching the top 

Phase 5 - Energy and renewed optimism in the downhill slope

Phase 6 - Self congratulations in our completion of the hike.

Allow me to offer a more detailed description of these phases, in terms of this particular hike.

PHASE ONE

We hike hand-in-hand. We are both chatty and smiley. We are enjoying nature. We are enjoying one another's company. It's so much fun! Hiking is so fun! Whoa endorphins! I feel excited, optimistic, and a little bit euphoric.

PHASE TWO

The hiking is still fun. I am still appreciating nature and enjoying myself. I am no longer enjoying Stephen's company, though, because he has decided to plow ahead. I sometimes catch a glimpse of his red shirt through the trees. Sometimes he pauses and waits for me to almost catch up before taking off again. I am okay with this. Britney Spears joins me on my own personal hike. 

PHASE THREE

"The hiking is still fun," I insist to myself as Selena Gomez starts to serenade me. "The hiking is still fun," Stephen insists to himself as he stops to wait for me again. I vaguely remember a time in this very same hike where I tried to keep up with him. It's a vague memory because at this point, I have decided that if Stephen is going to be 8 miles ahead of me, I might as well take a break whenever I feel like it. So I do. And since I don't love running up mountains, but I do love walking up mountains, the hike starts to really be enjoyable again. 

It was at this point in the hike when we made a new friend - a rattlesnake!

He rattled at us because we were on his turf. Then he slowly inched off the trail to let us pass. We slowly inched around him. Stephen asked if my phone had reception, so I called my dad to check that it did. My dad was barely able to hear me, but he did hear me tell him that we saw a rattlesnake and we were on a hike. I hung up, put my phone back in my pocket, and we continued on our merry way. 

PHASE FOUR

"It looks like it's going to rain," Stephen said, looking at the sky.

"Maybe we should head back?" I said. "We can't miss Nicole's mission call opening!"

"We'll be fine," Stephen said. "We're so close to the top. We seriously will be there in like another 4 minutes. And then it won't take long at all to get down." 

Famous last words, hissed our friend the rattlesnake. We didn't listen to him. We just kept going. 

Stephen was right; it really didn't take us long to get to the top. When you hike Squaw Peak, you climb up the mountain until you get to this meadow platform place, and then when you walk to the edge of the meadow, you get this awesome view, supposedly. 

I say supposedly because we actually didn't walk to the edge of the meadow and look out off of Squaw Peak and soak in the awesome view. Instead, we got to the meadow and were suddenly enveloped in a cloud.

The cloud swirled around us, spewing water on the meadow and picking up dead leaves to fling at us as we tried to take a picture of ourselves.

We took some pictures of the cloud, but I guess it was a little photo-shy, because instead of smiling for the picture, he started to rain. 

PHASE FIVE

We started down the mountain, hoping the trees would offer some cover, but they didn't. We were literally soaked in a matter of minutes. It was kind of like being at a water park, except you didn't dress for success, so you're wearing normal people clothes inside of a water park. Also, that's not a very good analogy, because water parks are typically pretty fun. And you are trying to get wet. And you on purpose did not bring your phone to any of the fun watery places. 

I think for this hike I really need to split Phase Five into some sub-phases. 

Phase 5A - Panic and adrenaline in running down the mountain

In which I was still trying not to get wet or muddy, and adrenaline was coursing through my veins, and I believed (erroneously) that the trees would provide some protection from the elements. 

Phase 5B - Anger at Stephen and sassiness in running down the mountain

In which I started to blame Stephen for this predicament, and he started laughing at me and apologizing, and I realized it was futile to try to not get wet, and I also realized that my phone was soaked and would probably be no help if either of us got struck by lightning or bitten by the rattlesnake from earlier or smashed by a falling tree, and I started sassing Stephen and this conversation happened:

 Him: Heather, I want to go ahead and apologize....

Me: Shut up. Don't talk to me.

Him: Huh?

Me: I'm s-so, m-mad at you right n-now.   

Was it really his fault? Let's be honest, no....but I was feeling a teeny bit sorry for myself and believed that I deserved to have someone to blame for the whole predicament. 

Phase 5C - The First Fall

I did not feel as enthusiastic as Stephen did about the battle we were fighting against the mud, wind, and rain. I didn't love that my socks were completely soaked. I wasn't thrilled that my shoes would probably never be the same. I was sad to see my phone looking like it took a dip in the Great Salt Lake. I dreaded looking in a mirror and seeing the mess that all of the rain had made of my face. 

Stephen, on the other hand, was as happy as a duck. He was a little nervous about the rattlesnake, and a little nervous about the possibility of electrocution, and also a little nervous about flash flooding. (He kept saying things like, "Heather, I don't want to rush you, but we kinda need to hurry it up because in weather like this there's danger of flash-flooding, and I really don't want us to get caught in a flash flood....") Other than that, though, he was loving the adventure and already planning how he would tell this story later on. 

But all of that enthusiasm evaporated pretty quickly when his feet slipped out from under him and he landed with a splat in the mud. "Okay. This isn't fun anymore," he said. Being the good wife that I am, I took a picture. 

Phase 5D - The Second Fall

I was definitely trying to be careful more than speedy in our descent - hence, the frequent (very kind) reminders from Stephen about flash floods. It's hard to be careful when you are essentially walking down a muddy slide, but I was grabbing onto trees and plants whenever possible to steady myself a little bit.

At one point, I was holding onto a tree with both hands and trying to step around it to avoid a huge mud puddle, when one of my feet slipped. In my head, I knew it was game over, but I couldn't go down without a fight! My hands clenched the tree trunk. My feet started running, trying to get a grip anywhere on the muddy bank. 

And then, I fell, still hanging onto the tree. My whole right side splooshed into some mud. My elbow smacked against the root of the traitorous tree I had thought would save me. 

Stephen ran up the trail and picked me up. "Are you okay?" he asked. His enthusiasm was back. Somehow, seeing someone else fall does that to you. It's okay. I understand. I felt the same way when he fell. 

I kind of wanted to cry as we stood there in the torrential downpour, and Stephen laughed and wiped my hands off, one finger at a time, on his shirt. But then I also kind of wanted to laugh. And I also wanted to take a picture. So I guess both of our enthusiasms were back, and we continued down the trail. 

Phase 5E - The Return of Enthusiasm and also some Apathy

In which we realized we were already muddy and drenched and we really didn't care about trying to stay clean or dry, and all we cared about was getting down off the mountain. 

Phase 5F -  The Last Leg

In which we were finally out of the woods - not out of the rain, but out of the woods, and walking on flat ground towards the parking lot, still getting pelted with rain. We saw an old man with an umbrella walking towards the mountain. I don't know why. I didn't ask. I hope we weren't the last people he would ever see in his life....

Phase 5G - The Drive Home

In which we tore up a cardboard box in the trunk of my car to put on the seats so we didn't ruin them, and also in which we realized that neither of our phones were working, and we had barely 15 minutes before Nicole opened her mission call. 

PHASE SIX

This is when we are usually congratulating ourselves heartily for a hike well done. This time, we were blaring the heat and discussing all the things we I wanted to be eating right then: a Krispy Kreme donut, hot chocolate, a funnel cake, Awful Waffle. I wanted everything. I was convinced that all of those things were essential to my happiness.

We didn't have time to stop by our house, so we just showed up at Kelly and Dahl's house. I'm sure they wondered why a homeless hag and her husband were knocking on their door, but when they recognized us, they let us in and gave us a towel to shiver in while Nicole continued on with her mission call opening. Yes. She had already started. I guess we all know where Stephen and I belong on the totem pole....

Anyway, Nicole is going to Everett, Washington! She will be fabulous. I can't wait for her to write home about all the Twihards she brings to the gospel :)

How it Continued

Once upon a time, a boy named Stephen decided that he was going to be a firefighter over the summer. He was going to fight fires with a crew that would go out of the state for 2 weeks, firefight, come home for 2 days, rinse, and repeat. No phones for the 2 weeks out of town. No skype. No girlfriends coming to visit.

Then, he met a girl named Heather. (Me.) At first I liked him, and then I loved him, and then I didn't want him to leave to do firefighting.

This is how I pictured the summer going:

him

me.

 But I also didn't want to tell him what to do, and I didn't want to ruin his plans and dreams, so I resigned myself to a summer of lonesomeness and tried to think of ways to make it not be the worst thing ever.

Then, plans changed, as they are known to do. Stephen wasn't going to leave for the summer after all! I would be lying if I said I wasn't pret-ty overjoyed about that unexpected turn of events.

Then plans changed again, and the day before my parents came out for my graduation in April, Stephen decided that he was going to take another job in Texas. For the whole summer. He was going to be in Texas, not Utah, for the whole summer. He'd have a phone, and Skype, and I would go and visit him, and he would probably fly back to visit me.

Everybody's got trials, I guess. So I again resigned myself to a summer of lonesomeness and tried to think of ways to make it not be the worst thing ever.  If I had had more time, I probably would have spent some of that time moping and whatnot. But I didn't have the time, so I just tried to really enjoy those last few days before Stephen left.

My cute parents came to town, met the man, took us out to eat about a hundred times, took a buttload of pictures, and cheered for me as I graduated.

I don't know why my dad is so dang cute, look at him all dressed up in BYU colors!

The best mom on this planet :)

It was a wonderful few days, even with all the packing and moving. I'm sure my parents didn't love that part, but they were good sports and so incredibly helpful. I couldn't have done it without them!

Okay, now back to this guy. 

On Friday, we went mini-golfing with my parents, Kelly, and Dahl. It was basically an exact copy of a double date the best friend went on when her parents came to town to meet her man, including the part where the losers had to buy everyone ice cream at the end.

Probbbbbbably the best score I have ever, any times ever, gotten mini-golfing.

Stephen left at 5:30 the next morning. He came and woke me up to say goodbye, and after I sleepily reminded him to floss his teeth err day, he left. 

It was a little embarrassing, but whatever. 

When my parents left on Sunday, I was pretty lonesome. The best friend and I started making plans for incentives we could offer to our boys. We had really good ideas, like sending them care packages, a party in a box, and tickets to fun things in Houston. For 60 sales, I would go visit Stephen. At 100, he would come visit me. Coping was off to a good start!

Stephen was Mr. Logical Think-About-Money-and-the-Future Man when he left on Saturday morning. I was Miss Blubbery-I'm-So-Abandoned, but that's beside the point. The point is that between Saturday and Tuesday morning, I became the little girlfriend that could (be supportive albeit lonesome all summer) and he became the boyfriend that couldn't (stand the thought of us being apart all summer). 

So plans changed again! In this order:

1. He was going to come back on Thursday and work in Utah all summer!

2. He was going to come back on Saturday. 

3. He was going to go home to Indiana and work there for the summer. 

4. He was going to come here first for a week or two, then go home to work in Indiana. 

5. He was going to come back to Utah on Friday? !!!

6. Nope. Still Saturday. 

Lots of changes to the plan err day.   

So then this was pretty much me. 

 But on Saturday morning, I picked him up from the airport. And became one-half of this couple:

Except, it wasn't quite that picturesque. And he came out to the curb and I picked him up there. But still.

Stephen pretty much told me that the reason he was coming back to Utah was so that we could get engaged. I had always thought that I wanted to be totally surprised by the proposal, and I was very against the idea of going ring-shopping.

But that very day, we found ourselves in the beautiful city of Salt Lake, climbing a spiral staircase

 up to the 3rd floor of this place,

to look at a few things that glittered and were definitely not gold. I've heard some horror stories about ring-shopping, so I guess it's not always pleasant. But it can be very pleasant when you are being assisted by a wonderful, warm and not snooty at all lady named Liz, and when your boyfriend keeps saying things like "I just want it to be something you like," and "Can we see it with a bigger diamond? Just to see." 

I had to go back to school on Monday, but every day that week when I got home, Stephen and I would eat dinner and then do something fun. That weekend, we took a trip to Moab.

While there, I learned:

1. Rock climbing outside is very different than rock climbing inside.

Here's me climbing inside. Look how high I am on that wall! How fearless! That smile!

Aaaand that's me climbing outside. Stephen took this picture without zooming in with his phone, so yeah, I really am like 6 feet off the ground. Look at those hips! Tucked in all up on the wall. That deer-in-headlights expression! Where did that even come from?? I have no idea.

 2. I learned that I can improve! The first time Stephen had me try to climb something in Moab, I panicked. I had never felt such an irrational fear in my soul that was so insistently pervasive. But THEN, the next time he had me try to climb something, I actually got very high! It was still hard. That didn't stop me from being very very proud of myself.

3. I learned that if you do a good job of climbing, then it's okay to look a little tired in the after shot. 

 4. Climbing with some of the red sand in your hairs is okay.

5. Going out to eat at a local place is something you need to do.

6. Going to famous places is also something you need to do. It is funnest to go to these famous places if you-you-you, you work ouuuut, because then you can run some of the way, and you get there in a 1/4 of the average time it takes people to get there.

7. I learned that I like Stephen in Moab just as well as I like him in Provo. And that is how it continued :)

Welcome to Brovo

Technically, the city I live in is called Provo. But sometimes, I think it should be called Brovo, because sometimes, I think it is being overrun by bros. Not always....just sometimes. Caitlin wrote a very enlightening and straightforward report of these fellas last year, which you can read here.

 

And now, I'd just like to add my own signs that you may be living in Brovo....

- Bros have become such an issue that some non-bros decide to throw a tool party where everyone has to dress up like tools in blatant mockery

- Your boy accuses you of checking yourself out in the reflective windows of a restaurant, when really, you were just trying to avoid making eye contact with the Bros who were all standing around by the exit of Maria Bonita's, taking turns making their pectorals dance

- The phone conversation you overhear at the pool goes like this: "Dude! Bro, what's up! Dude, come chill with me. Yeah man, it's sweet. Oh, my roommates are so sick. They're way tight guys. No dude, they're awesome, this summer's gonna be sick. BRO. No, dude, listen. We had a game night last night and they were all, 'We've never done anything like this before!' I was like, what? Are you guys for real? No, man, they were serious! But they're way cool. No, I actually broke up with my girlfriend last month. Dude, no, listen to this - I moved here, and she moved in after me! She like followed me here so she's in my ward and everything. Oh yeah, it's super awkward. I try to be nice and talk to her but she just hates my guts now." etc.

- The bro on the phone hangs up the phone and immediately starts looking for a way to strike up a conversation with the girls kind of close to him, who really just want to lay by the pool and not be bothered

- And the girls respond kind of like

 - Even though striking up a conversation might not be all that bro-ly, and could just be friendly, but in some cases, it probably isn't just friendly, since there was a definite attempt at swagger in his signature "notice me" walk from chair to poolside.

- While walking with your (admittedly really cute) friends one night, a random bro in a car rolls down his window while passing you to shout out "Oh heyyy ladies!"

- The gym is still crowded, but not as crowded as it usually is, because so many of the bros have left for the summer, now that their contract at The Village is up for the year.

- You and your best friend are both sitting around lonesome because both of you have recently been abandoned by your boyfriends. And this abandonment has left you with the (possibly inaccurate but still very persistent) feeling that the only boys left in this town are Bros.

Does that make sense, what I'm saying?? I don't actually think all the boys in Provo are Bros. I just think a lot of them are. And sometimes, when you get together with your best friend and throw pity parties for yourselves on account of your temporary singledom, all the boys start to look like Bros, because they are not who you really care about.

As in, I'm sorry, but Barney Stintson does not live in Provo. And actually he's gay in real life. And even if he weren't, we may love his bro-ness on TV, but I don't know if I would love it as much if he brought it here. So I guess I have to just keep saying No to Bros.

Why would I try it?

I heard THE WORST thing on the radio the other day. The DJ was talking about prenuptial agreements and said that now, not only are people writing prenups for money and stuff, but they are also writing lifestyle prenups. That means that they write out their expectations for their marriage, and if those expectations aren't met, it's grounds for a divorce.

Here are some of the examples they gave:

- If either spouse gains 40 lbs --> divorce.
- If either spouse cheats, the other one can cheat on them right back.
- The wife wanted to go dancing at least 4 times a year, and if her husband didn't take her, she was allowed to go with whoever she chose.
- If the husband was going to have an affair, the wife had a list of all the women she would be okay with him having an affair with.




I thought this whole discussion was ridiculous and sad and I hated it. So when my parents came out for my graduation, and it was still on my mind, this conversation happened:

me: Mom, what would you do if Dad gained 40 lbs?
Mom: He wouldn't.
me: But what if he did!
Mom: I guess I'd tell him to work out....
me: Oh. What if you gained 40 lbs, what would Dad do?
Mom: I have no idea, why would I try it?!

Which is a response I really like. I guess when I get married, I won't try it, either.

I-I-I-I Work Out

Sometimes, your boyfriend really wants you to work out with him. And while you might think that this is working out,

the boyfriend might not agree. Which is unfortunate, because his version of working out might be a 45-minute military training thing that he invented that includes push-ups, planks, jumping jacks, crunches, squats, arm circles for AN HOUR.....and sundry other things.

Working out so hardcore is actually kind of fun if you are motivated by your goal to get Venus dimples by the time you go back on-track. But no matter how fun it is, it can also be extremely tiring.

Which is why, sometimes, your roommate ends up taking this picture:

and sending it to you the next day.

After all, who doesn't love a good post-workout nap on the perfectly clean carpet of their 6-girl college apartment?

Life Lessons** Learned Snowboarding*

*And by "snowboarding" I mean hike-boarding.

**And by "Life Lessons" I mean musings that may not be true in every case, but are true in my experience.

Anyway, that's what I was doing this past Saturday: hike-boarding and musing. And here are the conclusions I came to that I would like to share with you:

1. Snowboarding is an activity which requires intense planning. If you were planning to go at 8:00 a.m., you might find yourself leaving Provo at 11:00 a.m. And if you are planning on going with someone who doesn't want to leave at 8:00 a.m. like you do, because that is too butt-early, you can definitely plan on leaving at 11:00 a.m. like she wants to.

2. The best way to get excited about snowboarding, when you are feeling apprehensive, is to borrow your roommate's blue snowboard and your other roommate's blue coat. That way you will match and you will want to take pictures to document it.

3. Sometimes, girls who were not even terrible at snowboarding the one time they went 4 years ago are horrifyingly awful at hike-boarding. It's a whole different beast, kids.

4. And when I say "horrifyingly awful," I mean that sometimes, those girls will face-plant within 10 seconds of the first attempt down the mountain.

5. You might be tempted, when this happens, to laugh at her and say "Hey, Santa Claus!" because she is sitting there with her board in the air and her face all covered in snow and so it would seem appropriate to say such a thing.

6. But it might not be as appropriate as you think.

7. Sometimes, "You're a hard worker and maybe someday you'll be good at snowboarding" is as good of a pep talk as you are going to get.

8.  Sometimes, boys who are really bad at teaching snowboarding and giving encouraging pep talks are really good at other things, so it's whatever.

9. When you're all the way down the mountain and someone else is all the way at the top, you might think that that is a perfect opportunity for you to pee. But no matter what you think, you're not being all that sneaky. 

9b. On that same note, you might think that the snow you are sitting on has never been touched by another creature, never spoiled by human or animal. But you could be wrong, because your snowboarding instructor might have peed on in just a week earlier in an effort to pack down the powder into a useable jump. And his roommate might have peed on it too. Which is why you shouldn't eat snow, no matter how safe you might think it is.

10. You shouldn't pick a snowball fight with someone who is stronger and faster and more experienced in the snow than you are. Because you will lose.

11. Even if you are about as close to being Shaun White as salsa is to being a flying tomato, snowboarding can be great fun. And you might be really glad you went.

Back off, Brutus

So on Wednesday this week, I wore a short-sleeved shirt. Not because I didn't have to leave my house, but because it was a beautiful day outside.

On Friday this week, I wore pants and a sweater and a coat and I am sad to say that I still turned into a Popsicle. And it's all because Brutus came to town.

Did you know that snow storms get names? The one that rolled through Utah on Friday was named Brutus. He came along and dumped on Cassidy Jane Carbaby while I sat in my school, organizing and printing and copying and cutting and gluing and rearranging and eating a free donut (or 2) and remembering that I love that little place that I work at.

By 11 in the morning, the ground and Cassidy Jane Carbaby were covered in 7 inches of snow. During lunch, I was sitting at lunch with my team and Heidi, the new practicum student, when Sherri came in and told Heidi that she could leave as soon as lunch was over to try and get home before the snow got too bad. Of course this immediately made me panic. I said something like:

"Wait! What! Guys! I don't know how to drive in the snow!"

They assured me that it was fine. I began to feel better. Then I told them that I have never really driven in snow. They encouraged me to leave and get home as soon as possible and asked if Cassidy Jane Carbaby has four-wheel drive. I panicked again because no, she does not. And no one was telling me that I would be fine any more.

"I just got my oil changed?" I said hopefully.

Apparently that doesn't help with driving in the snow....but I must have done something right, because I got home all in one piece! Cassidy Jane is a trooper.

PS: I found this little gem the other day.....

I hope you enjoy it as much as Philip did :)

You Know You Teach in Utah When....

- One student gets annoyed at another and snaps, "You have to be reverent in the hallway!"

- During journal-sharing in the morning, one of your students mentions that she will be getting baptized in a few weeks.

- You ask for students to ask their family / friends to send in postcards from cool places around the world and half of the postcards you get are from missionaries.

- A third of your class doesn't turn in their spelling homework every Thursday because "I had to go to scouts last night, so I couldn't do it."

- The Pope is mentioned in the read-aloud book, so you ask if anyone knows who the pope is, just to make sure, and everyone in the class just stares blankly at you.

- Then when you try to explain who the Pope is, someone says, "Oh, like the bishop?"

- While practicing alliteration, one of your students offers "red roadkill" as an example. Wonderful. Thanks for that.

- You ask, "Who has a big family?" and everyone's hands shoot up.

- So you say, "Okay, who has more than 3 brothers or sisters?" and only three people put their hands down.


- When you ask if anyone knows who the president is, the student you call on proudly answers: "President Monson."

- Then when you say, "No....." the student you call on next says, "President Hinckley?"


- And when you finally tell them that, no, you're talking about the president of the United States, and someone knows that the correct answer is President Obama, a good 4/5 of the students look disgusted and make some comment about how "My dad says he's running our country into the ground."

- The demographics in the class are not too surprising.

- When you ask who a responsible member of the community is, one of your students replies: "Jesus."

Utah has its quirks, for sure. But the really important thing is the kids, and I love these kids to death :)

Planes, Trains, and Cassidy Janes

This weekend, I rode in a plane.

Like this one.

Kelly and I took off like celebrities from the Provo airport. See how the people are just walking on from the tarmac? That's what we did. It was exhilarating. We arrived in Denver, Colorado, just in time to sit and enjoy a leisurely breakfast of Panda Express before heading to our shuttle.

This was the train part of our journey.

The train took us to a little neighborhood in Cheyenne, Wyoming. It dropped us off across the street from this little girl:

Kelly and I went right up to her and started taking pictures.

Eventually, this little girl's dad showed up and told me I could take her back to Utah with me! So that was pretty sweet.

After a quick trip to the hospital, where we held a baby who was barely 12 hours old, we set off down the road.

 

Which we stayed on for almost 9 hours. In that 9 hours, I discovered Carbaby's full name: Cassidy Jane Carbaby. She is a doll, you guys. I love her.

In that 9 hours, I also got a lot of planning done, thanks to Kelly writing down everything in my planbook as I came up with it. I tell you what, life just isn't fair, when you think about it. Because some people have a monopoly on all the best sisters :)

Why won't you kiss me?

We are learning about questions in 2nd grade this week. To introduce the topic, I said: "So there's this boy, and my roommate kind of likes him. She thinks he's kind of cute, and she's really excited because he asked her if he could take her to dinner tonight! So they are going out, like on a date, and she's way excited, but she's also kind of nervous that she won't know what to say. So she asked if I could ask you guys for some ideas of some questions she can ask when she's on her date. What are some words we can use to start off a question?"

Someone said "what." I put that on the board and had everyone think of a question. The questions started out pretty good: What is your favorite sport? What is your favorite sports team? What is your favorite movie? What do you like to do when you're not playing sports? etc.

The next question word we talked about was "How?" We had some good ones: How are you doing? How is your day? And then someone raised their hand and said, "How much do you like me?" And all of a sudden, everyone had thought of a million other questions along those lines. "How much do you love me?" "How much do you want to marry me?" "How many girlfriends do you have?"

I thought that moving to the next question word, "When," would be a good idea. Here were some they came up with for "When:" "When will you be here?" (in case he's running late) "When will you leave me alone?" (in case he's bothering her) "When will you hug me?" "When will you kiss me?"

"It's a first date," I reminded them. "I don't think my roommate will be asking "When will you kiss me" tonight. But you're right! That is a question."

We went on to "where." Those questions sounded pretty similar to the "when" questions.... "Where will you hug me?" "Where will you kiss me?" "Where will you marry me?"

We got a little more creative with "Why-" "Why are we going to this restaurant?" "Why did you want to take me to dinner?" "Why do you like me?" "Why have you still not kissed me?"

"Let's try to stay away from questions about kissing," I suggested. The next person I called on said: "Why have you still not smooched me?" So obviously that worked really well.

And finally, we asked some "Who" questions - "Who told you to take me to dinner?" "Who is your mom?" "Who is your daddy?" (Uproarious laughter followed that one) "Who are your friends?" ("...in case he has friends," my students added) "Who is your girlfriend?" ("...and then you say, 'Is it me?' and give him the stare," K said. "What is the stare?" I asked. Don't worry, every one of my second graders was able to demonstrate their own version of the stare for me.)

If any of my roommates do end up using these questions on any dates, I would like to wish them a very hearty good luck. But even more, I would like to wish a hearty good luck to the boys who end up dating the girls in my class one day.

The Trouble with.....

....my iPad is that sometimes I can't figure out where I left the charger, so I just use it until the battery dies and then I resign myself to never using it again.

....productive Saturdays is that I can spend the entire day in my room, and so can my roommate, and we don't help motivate each other to leave. 

....my awesome roommates is that none of us seems to have a filter, so we can't control ourselves when boys come over and we are excited and just say whatever comes to mind and it is a problem and they will probably never come back, which is sad because they were cute. Just saying.

....taking pictures with the roommates is that they don't all turn out perfect. And some of them turn out downright awkward. And they get posted on facebook anyway.

 ....teaching PE is that all the kids are more flexible than I am.

....Utah is that Provo is not as close to South Jordan as it should be, and Logan is not as close to Salt Lake as you thought, and every day turns into a road trip.

....boys is, well, everything.

....colorful jeans is that I love them so  much that sometimes I just wear the same outfit two days in a row, oops.

....finding a good parking spot is that I never want to leave said parking spot, so social activities start to lose their appeal.

....casual Friday is that I am not allowed to participate. Hmmmph.

....the internet is that you can find anything that you don't want to find. You can find a mugshot of a boy you thought you might have a crush on. You can also find horror stories about girls getting groped at haunted houses. 

 ....every one of these complaints is that people are going to read them and shake their heads and mutter, "First-world problems."

Swearing After Midnight

So, I love my family. Soooo so so much. I think they are the best family in the entire world.

But this last weekend, I hung out with my pretend family here in Utah, who I told you about before, and it was very different than when I hang out with my Connor family in Maryland.

For example: my Connor brothers tackle me about 50% of the times that I try to tackle them. My Utah brothers tackle me whenever they walk past me. My Connor dad likes to go to bed before 11, 12 at the latest. For Uncle Wayne, the party is just getting started at 11 pm.

Here's a summary of the weekend, in dialogue form:

Me: So what's this game called?
Steve: This is Screw Your Neighbor.
Grandma: I think we should call it, Trick Your Neighbor, or Cheat Your Neighbor. Those sound nicer.
Uncle Wayne: What, Grandma, you don't want to screw your neighbor?
Grandma: You mean my grandson? No.
Valen: Kill your neighbor?
Me: Bum-squeeze your neighbor!

"Now we've gotta sit here and watch him play with them all night...." -a very unhappy Grandpa while Caden was shuffling the cards

"Oooh, sorry. You didn't hear that, right? Sorry....I swear after midnight." -Uncle Wayne

Uncle Wayne: Hey, put those away! I got those for breakfast tomorrow.
Grandma: Tomorrow's Fast Sunday....
*Everyone pounces on the donuts. Someone gets out milk. And chips. And another bag of chips as well.*
Steve: *pushing the chips towards me* Eat some NOW! Didn't you hear? Tomorrow's Fast Sunday!

"Be nice to your SISTER!" - any of the boys when one of their brothers punched, poked, tickled, squeezed, and harassed me in any way

Brad: Girls don't fart, they whisper in their panties.
Caden: Grandma, do you whisper in your panties?
Grandma: No, I scream.
Uncle Wayne --> Grandpa: She's your wife....

"You should know they're just doing this because you're here. So they all have to flex their hormones." -Grandpa

Valen: I'm flirting with her! We're txting and flirting right now!
Steve: Yeah, maybe you can shut up about it and take your turn....
Valen: Shut up, just because you don't have a girlfriend!
Steve: You're not gonna have one either when she comes over and sees how wild you are....
Me: Steve doesn't have a girlfriend because he's waiting to take my sister on a date in the fall!

"Next you'll be saying you yodel in your panties. Here come the yodelers! Boy, that'll ruin girls for you. I never would've wanted to get married if I had heard about this before." -Uncle Wayne

Steve: Noo-no!
Me: Noo-no? You mean Uno?
Steve: Noo-no what I meant!

And here is a list of the nicknames I earned, names I don't recall ever having been called by my own family:

- Woman
- Mama
- Sugar
- Toots
- Steering Wheel
- Four-wheeler

...............................don't ask.