Life of Late in Pictures

I was going through the pictures on my SMART PHONE the other day and re-discovered the following pictures that tell the story of my life over the last 2 months:

This was from Stephen and my Aloha date night. We made smoothies :)

I obviously spent an exorbitant amount of money on decorations for said date night... 

This is called, my life before my smart phone. Aka, my life in the dark ages, when I either called my mom for directions at least once a week, or looked up directions on someone else's phone and then took a picture of it with my dumbphone. What a wretched existence it was. 

These are the churros that I made for an amazing Mexican (ish) Thanksgiving dinner. They turned out soooo good!

This is my student, J. He made himself into a cyborg one day for indoor recess. 

This is called, I cannot live in this frozen tundra wasteland any longer. Note the icicles on this sad, sad bicycle. That is NOT okay!

This is the "Be" Stephen and I worked on for the month of December. I was very proud of my chalk drawing and took a picture of it. I'm glad I did, because no sooner had I hung it up than Nicole backed into it and got it all over the back of her skirt. 

This is the date card I gave Stephen for our winter wonderland date night!

This was our Christmas tree this year. .........you can see why we needed a reminder to "be positive."

This is the date card I made for the present we gave to both of our parents - a date-in-a-box!  Stephen didn't know that the word "stay-cay" existed. I know I did not make it up. 

This is called, here we are at the airport and we are so excited to be up at 4:30 in the morning and about to be on our way from Indiana to Maryland!

This is the insane line for Southwest Airlines check-in. 

This is called, we did not make our plane. So we went to the Indiana Children's Museum instead! They have so many costumes you can dress up in, like these dinosaur ones. 

.....or these deep sea diver ones.....

or this turtle and butterfly option! I was thrilled. Stephen was a little embarrassed. But still a good sport!

Logan got tired. Stephen is so cute. 

Here was another embarrassing picture I asked Stephen to take. At the Indianapolis airport, there is a shop called "Forever, Heather" and I was not about to miss that golden opportunity! His hands are supposed to look like a heart. Because he hearts me. Forever. 

Be Grateful

It shouldn't be hard to be grateful when the world is your oyster, but I'm glad for this Thanksgiving season when we all have time to specifically think about our blessings. I love that Thanksgiving comes before Christmas, which can so easily turn into a season of demands.

Here are some of the things I am grateful for right now:

-zucchini squash, which is actually the best vegetable ever.

-Marjorie Pay Hinckley, a very classy lady with whom I would love to have a tea party one day. Minus the tea.

-our crockpot, which I am very obsessed with.

-neutral-colored shirts that I can wear with lots o' things.

-toilet paper rolls that you can use to make wreaths and whatever else you want basically!

-off-track time, when I get so much done and get to sleep in.

-cell phones, I do not know how people survived without them.

-wrapping paper, how much boring-er would Christmas be if you couldn't wrap presents!?

-photo books that I get for freeeee

-Stephen and my similar attitudes on fiscal matters.

-that I went to BYU and now when I'm filling out surveys I can click the "Bachelor's Degree" option instead of "Some college."

-Italian Ice.

-my ring that I don't think I'm ever going to get over.

-leggings, so I can wear whatever skirts I want and not be cold!

-that my eyebrows are blonde so I don't have to pluck them that much because no one really notices if I don't

-Stephen, who I love more and more err day.

Why You Shouldn't Teach

1. Safety duty. I'm sure if this blog was more popular, I would get at least a few comments from a parent whose child got hit by a car because their teacher wasn't out on safety duty. But this blog is not that popular, so I am going to complain about safety duty. This school is literally psychotic about it. We get our panties all twisted up every single day if someone is missing their safety duty. There has to be at least one teacher on every crosswalk. I'm talking about the crosswalks in the parking lot, not the ones on the busy road that is actually like 5 miles away from my school. WHY!? Guys? Just why. Most kids know to look before they cross the street. Most parents look around before they pull forward, because they're at a freaking elementary school at 3:30pm and they know that there are dozens of kids all around.

I don't really want to make the argument that safety duty is an unimportant job. Mostly I just want to make the argument that I should not be the one who has to do it. I am too busy making copies and erasing my board and uploading grades and rearranging desks and emailing parents and checking books back into the guided reading library and filling out forms, and I'm just not sure why the PTA isn't in charge of safety duty.

2. Other teachers. Mostly, I like other teachers. But there are some teachers who don't understand their job, and instead of just teaching their students, they try to teach the teachers around them, too. To them I would like to say: Shut up. Go back in your classroom and close the door and stop trying to tell me what to do. And teachers that "shhhh" other teachers are the worst.

3. Paperwork. It's just so annoying. I know it is not solely annoying to teachers - there are plenty of jobs where paperwork is a downside. But it is certainly annoying to me.

4. Parents. Can be so awesome, so so awesome. But they can also be the worst thing ever. I guess it's just hard to be a parent, because not many of them can seem to strike the perfect balance between being nice and babying their child, and between being strict and just plain mean. I kind of like my job because kids get assigned to me and then even if the parents don't like it at first, I have all year to convince them that I am in fact awesome, you're welcome. But I kind of don't like it because until I prove myself, some of them just set up camp in my butt. And I want them to leave.

5. Salary. You do not get paid enough. Everyone told me this, but I looked at the numbers and I thought that sounded like plenty of money for me. Listen: the only way you actually get paid "enough" to be a teacher is if you are teaching as a hobby. Not as a job. Not as a career. As a hobby.

But here's why you should teach, if you feel so inclined:

1. You have to do what you love. No job is perfect, and no matter what you do, you can find something in your line of work to complain about. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

2. You get to color, and cut, and glue, and put glitter on things if you want.

3. You get hugs pretty much daily.

4. Sometimes you get shivers because you really are sitting at your own desk, in your own classroom, looking over the names of your very own students, and you're doing exactly what you've always wanted to do, and that is really a nice thing. Not everyone can say they're doing exactly what they've always wanted.

5. Children's books are cute.

6. Kids are really smart, and really nice. Sometimes they're snots. But in general, they are nice, and they don't want to hurt other people.

Final score: 5-6. I guess you should teach, after all. [If you want to.]

Are you Bleeding?

Every day, I spend one hour in each class teaching guided reading. It's something I sucked at last year, and now all of a sudden, I am rock-awesome at it.

Guided reading is where I read with a small group (4-6 students) on their reading level, while everyone else works on something else. The rule in my class is that you do not talk to the teacher during Guided Reading unless you are bleeding. If you're bleeding, I can help you. Otherwise, you need to solve your problems on your own.

I was teaching Guided Reading the other day when M walked up to the kidney table. "Mrs. Shimp?"

"Oh! Are you bleeding?" My normal response.

He paused, then said, "I just have a question about...."

"But wait, are you bleeding?"

He considered. "I have a zit...." he said, completely serious.

"Okay, go - wait, what?"

He solemnly pointed at his chin. There was a small red mark there.

"Um....M, the reason I ask if you're bleeding is because, if you're not bleeding, then....because it's a problem that.....you don't really....okay. It's okay. I think you can answer your question on your own," I said. He walked back to his desk.

I would also just like to say that I taught my kids the BEST game today at inside recess. Two people play. They sit in chairs facing each other, gripping the seat with their hands. One of them runs their feet, sitting in their chair, while the other one cheers them on. When they feel like they've run enough, they tap the other person's knee and it switches. I just did it because they never have anything to do at inside recess, and they need to get out their wiggles, but they can't run around the room....so it was perfect!

You can see there are at least 3 games going on in this picture. My girls A and S are just about to get started. L in the black hoodie is moving his chair to start up a game. And K in the orange shirt is really feeling the burn. 

Pathetically Pinterested

Have you seen the hilarious pictures of Pinterest fails?

Here's one.

 And there are a ton more! The message being that Pinterest is unrealistic. And things that look easy are not always as easy as you might think. Which I learned the hard way this morning.

I'll just start from the beginning, I guess. Once upon a time I was born, and I had really straight hairs. Then I grew up and I still had really straight hairs. Then I got a job as a teacher in West Jordan, even though I still had straight hairs. Then I got an apartment in Provo, which meant that I and my straight hairs had an hour to drive err morning and err night. Which meant that even though I was capable (barely) of curling my hairs, it was never ever going to happen with this commute.

(Some people let themselves go when they get married. Others let themselves go when they realize that they work with 7-yr-olds all day.) 

So anyway, the other day while I was perusing Pinterest I happened across a pin of some beautifully curled hairs. The pin advertised a simple way to get these curls with no heat! I was intrigued!

I did some digging. (Am I the only one who can never just click on the pin and get the directions right there? I always have to google it and find it on someone's blog or something. Sorry if you now think that this blog is written by an 80-year-old woman. I am 22.) I found that the way to get these curls actually was very simple! All I had to do was put a headband across my forehead, hippie style, and loop chunks of hair through it, so that I looked like George Washington. Then I had to sleep on it and take all the hair out when I woke up the next day. Sooo easy, guys. So easy.

But actually Pinterest is a LIAR and it's not sooo easy.

Pros of trying this out:

1. Your husband might think you look hot in your George Washington hairdo.
2. You might get beautiful luscious curls without heat.
3. Your hair might be so grateful that you didn't choose to damage it with a curling iron or hair spray.

Cons of trying this out:

1. Your husband might not think you look hot in your George Washington hairdo. You may never know for a fact that he doesn't think so, but let's be honest, you'll know it for a pretty much fact.
2. You might not have to expose your hair to any heat, but that's not much of a consolation when you find yourself ripping it out in chunks when it gets stuck in gnarly tangles around the headband, and you are running 20 minutes late on a day that you might get observed by your principal, so you find yourself waking up your poor tired husband who knows nothing about hair, but you wake him up anyway because you are panicking and visions of a bald you are running through your head and you are convinced that he must be able to help in some way.....
3. Your hair will not be grateful. It will be lonely. Because you will lose 18% of your hairs in this simple attempt.

In the end, I had to cut the headband and pull it out of my hair. (This was a huge task in and of itself.) Then I had to brush through my hairs until I looked like Hermione Granger and there were at least 7 knots the size of nickels in my trash can. Then I had to get dressed and pack a lunch and breakfast and open the door (which, strangely, was harder than both getting dressed and packing food) and walk down to my car and drive all the way to school. Then I had to go and talk to my teacher friends about it.

THEN I had to realize that my Mac-klemore was still at home. Then I had to check a laptop out from the computer lab. Then my principal did decide to come and observe me. Then I had to cry in my head because my kids were so good while he was there. Then I had to break up a fight over the headphones at the listening center. Then I had to cry in my head again because the principal was not there anymore and so my kids had reverted back to being the spawn of rabid dogs.

Then I had to get the best text ever from the best husband ever, and then I had to decide that this whole thing is a little bit funny, and I had better blog about it.

Happy Monday, everyone. And Happy Pinteresting....if you dare.

How the Engaged Becomes Unengaged

"Miss Connor," he says, "When are we getting new name tags?"

There are 3 weeks left of school at this point. I shake my head. "We're not, it's so close to the end of the year, so we don't really need them."

"Oh okay." He keeps standing there, hesitating a little.

"Why?" I ask.

"Well I was just wondering, because I would maybe need a new one. Like with another last name on it."

I blink. His mom and dad separated last year, when he was in 1st grade. Not that it's unheard of to get remarried a year later, but I had just talked to his mom a few weeks ago, and I hadn't noticed a ring on her finger.

"Wait, why would you need a new one?" I ask, looking for some clarification.

"Because my mom is getting married to her boyfriend, and so my name tag would need to have his last name on it."

"What!" I am very excited. I really like his mom, and plus, I can tell this kid needs a solid father figure. I'd rather him have a step-dad than a slew of boyfriends.

"Yeah," he says, smiling.

"When did she get engaged?" I ask.

"May," he says.

I smile. "That's when I got engaged!"

"Yeah." He continues, "She's getting married in August."

"That's the same as me!" He nods. "Do you like her fiance?" He nods again. I'm very excited now.

My email says: "Hello Miss So-and-So, I tested C in reading today and he did a great job! Blablabla teacher stuff. Thanks, Miss Connor."

And then the PS at the end: "C  told me you got engaged in May and are getting married in August. That's so exciting, congratulations!!"

I got the following email back in reply:

"Hello.

wow... well first thank you for letting me know about reading, we love to read together. I'm glad it's paying off.

hahaha well I am not engaged? but Thank you, ha ha ha it must be wishful thinking on his end. He really likes my boyfriend.

I can't stop laughing!"


Well well. I guess this is what I get for telling my mom when I was in 1st grade that my music teacher had us play "Name that Tune" and I was the only one who guessed it when she played a primary song, and that she was in the Columbia 1st ward.

First World Problems

So I have a lot to blog about, but HERE'S THE THING. I haven't because right now, I am trying to:

1. move schools (we're moving tomorrow for the last 3 weeks so my school can get central air conditioning)

2. get engagement pictures taken (check!)

3. get a job for next year (which involves scheduling interviews, writing emails to principals, calling on other contacts for help in getting a job, finding substitutes so I can go to interviews during the school day, etc.)

4. unpack all my stuff at my summer apartment (not trying too hard to do that one, I'll be honest)

5. pack all my stuff at school

6. plan a wedding (oh, mine)

7. figure out where I'm living next year (actually this is Stephen's job but sometimes when I'm stressed about a few things then I start looking for other things to stress about too)

8. get a dress to get married in (finally done with that one)

9. plan my summer

10. plan my fall

11. save money (and the only way I can think of to do that is to just not eat....)

Blablabla boring. All I'm saying is, I'm excited for the day when I can do the following with some degree of consistency without it turning into a freaking panty-tangling process and event:

- sleep

- make and eat dinner (yesterday's dinner was a string cheese and today's was half an apple because it just takes SO MUCH EFFORT to make food and my milk just expired so cereal is no longer an option)

- brush my teeth

- go running (I know. Who am I?? I don’t even know, but I actually really like going running now and I think about it and want to do it and I try to plan it in, and then I get home and the sun sets and the world gets dark and I get scared of getting raped, so I end up just turning on the music video for “Good Feeling” by Flo Rida and running in place in my room while that plays, and friends, that is not even the same thing as running outside, let me tell ya.)

- lay out (if the sun could set at 9:30, I'd be happy. I mean, really happy. I could get home from school at 7 and lay out until the sun set. But no, it sets at 7:10.

- see my friends. I miss them really bad. And I'm turning into a bad friend, like, I know I am. It's depressing that the only time I can ever see them is Monday nights for the Bachelorette. Speaking of which...

- watch the Bachelorette. I usually am so painstakingly devoted to this show, and I take notes and I know the men by name, and I look forward to it every week. And I just can't invest in it this season. It's way too much effort. And it's such a dumb thing and such a first-world problem, but it's my blog and I'll first-world-problem it up if I want to.

Surprise Visit

So, Stephen flew home to Indiana on Sunday the 19th. I thought I wasn't going to see him again until I fly out there to take engagement pictures, but he actually made a surprise visit to my classroom today while I was at lunch! The sly dog.

"I came well you wear at lunch love Stphen"

Translation: "I came while you were at lunch. Love, Stephen." I'm not sure why he spelled his name wrong....he must have just been in a hurry?

Again, not the correct spelling of his name....he must have been really concentrating on the border for this one.

Translation: "Dear Heather, you are so good to people. Love, Stephen." I just love how he values and admires my personality!

I'm not 100% sure what this one says, in the bottom left corner, but I won something! And Stehven Conner wanted to let me know.

Translation: "You are the best teacher ever you are as nice as a baby kitten ooooh a simile in there Love Stephen"

Translation: "You are as cute as a kitten (a simile) You are a good girlfriend. Love, Steven. I love you"

I guess Chloe also left a note. But don't worry, all the rest are almost certainly from Stephen.

This one was my personal favorite: "Thank you for saying yes for are mereg Love, Stphen"
AKA: "Thank you for saying yes for our marriage. Love, Stephen"

Just so there was no doubt as to who did such a kind and thoughtful surprise, it was Stphven.

I only wish he could have stayed long enough for me to thank him in person. But oh well, I guess that's why we have Google Hangouts :)

Goooooaaaaallllll!

We talked about goals at school today. I had my kids write down their top 3 goals and put them into a kind of soccer-themed craftivity.

Here was my favorite:

Kids these days.

And for anyone who has been wondering, the Sexy Uncle did not drop off the face of the Earth. I met him on Saturday, as a matter of fact. 

I appreciate

Teacher Appreciation Week. Because it looks like this:

This on Monday.

This on Tuesday at lunchtime (I forgot to take a picture until I'd already started eating it, lo siento...

This on Thursday (almost made me cry, you guys)

This plus rolls plus cinammon butter plus chicken plus pork from Texas Roadhouse on Friday.

Also this on Friday.

I appreciation Teacher Appreciation Week so much, in fact, that when I get home, I do things that you might not expect from me.

For instance, I handed flowers to this guy who came along to help me clean out my trunk, and he  waited until his roommates could see, then handed them back to me, saying "Here you go, Heather" as if he had gotten them for me...

Another instance, I did this:

THAT'S RIGHT I WENT RUNNING.

Outside, you guys. For 2 miles. I was motivated by the following:

- the new shorts
- the guy
- the ever-imminent fear that at any moment, I could be attacked and I would have to run even faster to escape
- the Sidney Bristow
- the new jorts (again)

And, in a truth that is perhaps even more shocking than the fact that I went running outside at all, I actually kind of....really liked it.

Sneaking: the Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Sneaking can be good. Like when Sydney Bristow does it.

That is good because it saves people, like Marshall, or Weiss is Nice. Sydney Bristow sneaking is also good because she brings this guy along:

and let's be real, no one in the history of ever has ever complained about that. 

Sneaking is good when you sneakily say you won't be getting back from a trip until way late Sunday night, and then you show up way early on Sunday night, and there is much rejoicing in the land.

Sneaking is also good when you sneakily leave B-Dubbs on a boy's car so he knows that you like him. (Don't do this if you don't want to blow your cover.)

Sorry for the crappy quality of this picture, but we can't all have smart phones. Also, we can't all wait until the sun comes up before we go off to work. :/

Sneaking is good when you sneakily make your roommate's bed just in time for cleaning checks.

Sneaking is good when you anonymously send flowers.

Sneaking is good when your students set up traps to catch a leprechaun and he someone manages to sneak through all of them and escape unharmed, taking the gold coins with him.

Why is that good, you ask? Because said leprechaun is a nice leprechaun who left us a note....

.....and some Lucky Charms under the teacher's seat.

So yes, sneaking can definitely be good. But then there are some times when sneaking is bad.

Like when you sneakily put yourself into Francie's body so that you can be Fake Francie and pretend like you're Real Francie so that maybe one day you can sneakily kill Sydney Bristow, who is Real Francie's roommate.

I mean honestly, whatabee.

Sneaking is also bad when you go rockclimbing on a night when UVU students get in for $5. And when they ask, "So you're both UVU students, right?" you sneakily glaze your eyes and look around and let The Boy answer, since you are not a UVU student, but he is, so no one has to lie if you just don't say anything.

Why is that bad, you may ask? Because they might let you both in for the UVU student price, but karma is real, kids. And you might have a great time rock climbing for $5, but give it a week and you might find yourself walking around trying to hold hands with a bear paw, because The Boy might have broken his pinky playing dodgeball. And this might make it so you can't go rock climbing for at least 3 months. By which time $5 nights for UVU students will probably be a thing of the past. Don't try to tell me these things are unrelated. I've learned my lesson. I am 'umbled.

Sneaking is also bad when there's a paper airplane making and throwing contest during halftime at the UVU basketball game, and your paper airplane sneaks in under my paper airplane and is just a little bit more on the target than mine was, so I do not win a 5-day vacation to Disney Land as planned.



She's cute, right? And her parents are good. Sneakers. But we can't all cry like that because we're going to Disneyland. Some people cry like that because they are not going to Disneyland. And some people just want to....

Sneaking a kiss is an example of good sneakiness, (depending on the boy, obviously) but not when he sneaks a kiss by sneakily revealing that he has some juicy bit of information that he is withholding and then saying, "I'm not going to tell you until you kiss me. You have to kiss me first." Because then your curiosity is going to take over, and you are going to have to kiss him. And only then will you find out that his mouth has had things in it that you never wanted your mouth to be exposed to. Like his roommate's toe.

Bad sneakiness is bad. But you want to know when it gets ugly? When you sneakily call the bishop to tattle on your roommates.

Not saying that I know anyone who would do that. Just saying. I imagine that it would get ugly if someone did. 

I'll leave you with this, one of my favorite examples of sneakiness:



May we always land on our feet. Happy sneaking!