Last night, I re-discovered something that I am truly passionate about: cowboys.
Apparently my extreme love for cowboys is not readily apparent to a lot of people, because Sarah didn't know, either. I talked to her on the phone a few days ago and here's how our conversation went:
me: Sarah. Guess what I'm doing on Friday?
Sarah: um.....what?
me: Guess. What's something I love? Just, lovvve?
Sarah: shopping!
me: I do love shopping. But no.
Sarah: Dancing!
me: not dancing....OK, think about what kind of boys do I like?
Sarah: Oh! Cute boys! You're doing something with cute boys?
me: um....kind of! But ok. These boys all do the same thing. It's like a job. What kind of boys do I like?
Sarah: Um.....
me: Cow....
Sarah: .......
me: Cowwww-bbb.....
Sarah: Oh! Cowboys!
me: Yes! What do cowboys do?
Sarah: Dancing? Are you going to a dance? You're going dancing with cowboys! Who are they? What are their names? How did you meet them? I love cowboys! Can you send me pictures? Ahhh!
me: Not dancing! I'm going to watch the cowboys do something.
Sarah: They're just going to dance?
me: No! Sarah! I'm going to a ro.....
Sarah: ......
me: Ro....de.....
Sarah: ......
me: Ro-dee......
Sarah: Oh! A rodeo!
Clearly, it took too long to get to this point in the conversation. I was surprised that I hadn't done more to impress on Sarah my love for cowboys. So allow me to explain
Why I Love Cowboys:
1. It all started when I was little, and I was in love with horses. Like, embarrassingly obsessed. For years. I slept with a big stuffed horse and had actual dreams about having my own horse. I think this love naturally transferred over to the men who trained and cared for them.
2. When we went to Utah for a family reunion, we went on a trail ride as a family. I don't think I've ever been that excited. I instantly loved my horse. We were riding along a trail that was familiar to our horses, but one of the trail guides was riding a horse who was newer and not used to the trail. I think he was training it for later groups, but it was in the early stages of training and his horse would occasionally try to buck him off, go the wrong way, or gallop ahead of the group. Each time his horse misbehaved, our trail guide would grasp the reigns tighter and somehow, the horse would eventually calm down and they would continue along the trail with us. I was enamored.
3. On this same vacation, we also went to a rodeo: my very first rodeo. They had everything - barrel racing, calf tying, bull riding, lassoing, etc. I was captivated by the whole thing. At one point, they had a whole string of events for kids. Each event was done three or four times, once for each age group. There was a bunny race, a game where the kids could lasso a baby calf, one where they had to catch a baby foal. The winner of each event got to keep the animal.
I begged my parents to let me try to catch the horse. I had dreamed of it so much that surely this was my chance. I would go out into the arena, the horse would trot up to me and I would slip my lasso over it's head. The other kids didn't stand a chance because the foal and I would have such an undeniable bond.
Unfortunately, my grandma crushed my dream by saying that these were kids who had grown up on farms and knew what they were doing. I didn't have a clue how to catch a horse, and it would be pointless to try. I watched as a little boy ran up and threw his lasso over my foal's head. It struggled to get away, obviously because I wasn't there, but to no avail.
Even in the midst of my disappointment, I admired that boy who had robbed me. Here was a cowboy who was my own age. I remember whimsically thinking that maybe one day we would get married and then I would get my horse after all.
4. In my 8th grade history textbook, I was flipping through the pages one day and spotted a cowboy hat. I flipped back a few pages and found a glorious picture of three cowboys sitting on a bench next to an elderly Navajo woman. They were leaning in to hear what she had to say. They were all wearing blue shirts tucked loosely into their jeans, boots, and cowboy hats. They were beautiful. I read the caption and learned that they were from Utah. I think it was that day that I decided I had to go to BYU. Campus must be swarming with cowboys just like the ones in my textbook. It was a textbook, after all. I felt very educated.
5. When we were younger, I'm not sure how old, my dad brought home "The Man from Snowy River" and sat us all down to watch it. I don't remember much of the story. I do remember that it was about a cowboy from Australia who runs around being a cowboy so that he can marry the girl he is in love with. Now cowboys had Australian accents too? And they were romantic? Fabulous.
6. "The Big Country" is another movie my dad had us watch when I was little. It is a cowboy movie, and the plot again escapes me. All I know is that two cowboys have to fight each other for a blonde girl who is a total brat. One of the cowboys is crude and abusive (obviously the product of a warped imagination), and the other is the quintessential gentleman of a cowboy. The good-guy ends up winning the duel, but refuses to marry the blonde girl, because he is in love with another girl, who is much nicer and, in my opinion, prettier. When he tells the blonde girl that he's not going to marry her, she slaps him - slaps him! I don't know where she gets off, but I would never do such a thing to such a wonderful person.
7. What really sealed the deal, I think, is when I saw "Shanghai Noon." I know he is a little older, and his nose is a little broken, but I fell madly in love with Owen Wilson when I watched that movie. In the scene where he is introduced, Owen and his gang of outlaws are robbing a train. He kindly takes the time to talk to a young lady on the train who has never been apart of a train robbery before. He is charismatic, funny, sensitive, and (mostly) loyal. He also becomes religious by the end of the movie. I think, if I were on a train that Owen Wilson and his gang were robbing, I would be happy to let him take my pocket watch and my locket or whatever. Also the rest of my clothes. What?
8. My love is a rational one, too, decided by more than just an animalistic attraction to strength and manliness. Cowboys grow up on farms or ranches. They are used to hard work. They wake up early to take care of what is theirs. They are raised to be gentlemen, to respect women, to tip their hat and hold the door. They are charming and complimentary. They work outside, so they are nicely tanned and muscular. Because they work with animals, they learn to be sensitive to the needs of others. Animals can't talk, so cowboys have to know how to anticipate their needs and help them. This ability transfers over to relationships with people.
Cowboys work hard for everything they get. Where do you think the phrase, "Get back on the horse" comes from? They know that success is not always immediate. They know how to keep working on something after they have experienced a setback. This also means that they will be willing to keep trying for a girl after she originally rejects them. Since they are respectful, they aren't pushy about it; they just know what they want and are willing to work hard for it. This is important. Especially if they want a girl like me.
Although they are typically humble, considering their circumstances and that they have to work for what they have, cowboys can also get a little cocky sometimes. Which is cute. When they tame a particularly aggressive animal, or win a competition at the rodeo, they may experience a rush of pride. This is not a bad thing. It can be quite a turn-on.
So as you can see, my love for cowboys is entirely justified.
Which is why I was so blissfully happy at the rodeo last night. I decided, after watching Shanghai Noon, that I wanted to marry a cowboy. This desire waned a little in high school with so little exposure to cowboys, and my ambition to marry a cowboy became an offhand wish to simply date a cowboy.
After last night, I'm back on the horse. I'm going to marry a cowboy. We're going to live in a cute little house. I'm going to take ballet lessons and learn how to make cream puffs while my husband works. We'll go to rodeos and he'll win all the prizes and I'll win the Miss Rodeo crown, and we'll take our victory laps together.
When the weather is nice, we'll sleep under the stars in a hammock. I'll have a book club and invite all my friends who are also married to cowboys. We'll have beautiful children. I'll be constantly - connnstantlyy - attracted to my husband's carefully stubbly chin and perfectly sculpted abs and arms. He will be consistently awed by my bikini body (the result of me doing exercise videos every day) and the delicious meals I make for him and the ranch hands.
After a long day of hard work, we will play cards and sit and talk with the ranch hands. We will drink lemonade and watch the fireflies. I will play matchmaker for the ranch hands and encourage them in their romantic endeavors.
I will make a wonderful lunch for the boys every day and either take it out to the field where they are or invite them inside to eat. They will compliment my cooking and my husband will brag about me to all his friends. Sometimes I will go on romantic picnics with my husband. We will ride our horses to a little spot just for us and eat strawberries and chicken salad sandwiches on croissants and maraschino cherries, and then we'll make out on our checkered picnic blanket until the sun goes down.
In my spare time, I will learn tricks with the horses. I will practice standing up, riding backwards, jumping off fences and onto a horse. My husband will think my tricks are the hottest thing since nudity. He'll try to do tricks to show off for me. I will think he is hotter than Taylor Lautner.
When we get old, we will be just as in love as ever. We will hold hands and sit on our porch swing and talk and never become tired of each other. He will kiss me gently. We will have grandchildren who love to visit us and run around and play on our land. I will make them cookies. I will be on Gene's Golden Girls. We will travel far and wide and spend a whole year on a cruise ship.
I'm so excited for my life.
