The world is your oyster!: April 2010        

These are a few of my favorite things:

pina-colada flavored italian ice
dance parties
dressing up
love :)


My name is Heather.

I am 22 years old.

I am an East Coast girl
who also loves Utah.

I love my life. How could I not?

The world is my oyster :)
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Friday, April 30, 2010


In my psychology class last year, we learned that there are about 7 "slots" in your short-term, or working memory. That means that if given a big long list, most people can only remember 7 of the things on the list. If they group them, then they can only remember 7 of the groups of things on the list. Studies have been done. Some people say we have more like 4 slots in our working memory,

I disagree. I'm thinking way more than 4 things right now. Maybe I'm an anomaly, but judging from my grades this semester, which I just saw, I don't think that's correct. I'm actually incredibly average.

This is me trying to unload my whole entire brain into one blog post.

1. I've been working a lot recently. ColdStone operates on a set schedule, meaning that every week, you work on the same days, as the same times. The schedule changes every few weeks. Since I am going home for most of May and a little bit of June, I wasn't given any shifts this rotation. So now I just fill in for people. I've been getting a lot of calls, so I have actually worked every day this week. It's just nice because I kind of get to pick when I work. There's no reallll obligation, and people are immensely grateful when I cover for them so they can go to fill-in-the-blank. Prom. Grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. Graduation. Michael Buble concert.

I love working at ColdStone, absolutely love it. It's not that hard. At first I think I was really overwhelmed, but I learned quickly and now I'm pretty good at everything. My proudest moment came when I was teaching a new boy how to do something on the register and the customer asked if I was a manager. I said no and they said I should be and gave us a tip. I might have been blushing for the rest of the day. Who's to say.

Here are some things I like about working at ColdStone:

a. the people. I think I should dedicate a whole post to all the people who work at ColdStone. I can't think of anyone I work with that I actually dislike. There was one girl, but she went home for the summer and Jackie said she won't be hired again when she comes back. I guess I wasn't the only one who didn't like her! But besides her, I love everyone. To work at ColdStone, you have to be funny and cheerful and friendly, which is great. There's just a good atmosphere there, and I can tell that everyone really likes me, too. Sorry if that sounds's just because everyone is so nice and everyone likes everyone else.

b. the employee discount. I get 50% off and it is awesomee. I think that's enough about that.

c. making cakes. Some people don't like making cakes, but I love it. It's my favorite job at ColdStone. Today Sandee (my manager) sent out a mass txt saying that if anyone could come in to make cakes, it would be greatly appreciated. I showed up expecting to see hordes of people and discovered that I was the only one who had come to make cakes. I was thrilled! I spent five hours making cake after cake. It was splendid.

d. the customers. The thing about working at an ice cream store is that your customers are almost always happy. I have not had a single customer be rude to me. The line can get pretty long at ColdStone, and people will still be so happy to get their ice cream and pay for it. And they'll tip. Sometimes, cute boys come into ColdStone, and that is my favorite. I will try to calculate exactly how long I should spend on the customer I'm helping at the moment in order to be the one who gets to help the cute boys. There is a surprisingly high number of boys who come in without dates, which is fine with me. But really. I see about as many boys on dates with other boys as I see boys on dates with girls. I love when kids come in, too. Except when it's late and they're crying. Then I just want to tell their parents, "Put your child in beddd, they don't need ice cream at 10:18 at night. They're tired!" I will never understand the frustrated, red-faced mothers who grab their child's wrist, shove them at the counter, and say, "Which kind do you want, the blue one? Okay, tell the lady. Do you want ice cream? Okay. He wants the cotton candy. Gummy bears? Do you want gummy bears? Yes or no!?" I'm just like, "Why are you here. Why? Thank you for your patronage, but why are you force-feeding ice cream to your child when they should have been in bed two hours ago?"

e. when people come and visit me. It honestly makes my day. My favorite customers are Kelly and Dahl.

f. the music. It is important to me that wherever I work has a good playlist. I have to sing. There's not a whole lot of variety in the songs that play at ColdStone, but that just means I can get to know the songs that do play reallyy well.

Okay, that's enough about ColdStone.

2. I'm also thinking a lot about my ex-roommates. It makes me sad to call them that, but that's just kind of what they are. I love them a lot. Since moving out less than a week ago, I have slept over at Chelsea's new apartment twice because I miss her too much. On our last night together, Chelsea, Aimee and I brought our mattresses out to the living room and all slept together. Crystal and Connor joined us and Connor gave everyone henna tattoos. I've never had one and they were instantly addicting. I got three because I was so excited about it. We all sat there and talked about first impressions of each other and what we liked about each other. Crystal and I are both staying in Raintree, but she's staying in 321 and I'm moving in with Kelly. Chelsea and Christine both moved to the Colony and Aimee is moving.....somewhere else. Far away from me. Even though we all love each other and get along so well, we just ended up going separate ways. So I'm sad, but it was a good way to end the year.

3. I'm thinking how happy I am that this semester is over. I hated it, hated it. I liked one of my classes. Okay actually I liked three of my classes. But it was my hardest semester yet and it was cold and I was trying to figure out how to juggle a job and classes and I lost my gumption for a second and it was just super-frustrating. There were so many nights that I stayed up until 5 in the morning working on homework, and so many weeks that I had 5 tests all scheduled at once. And it wasn't even rewarding. I didn't enjoy my classes as much as I always have before. I was so ready for the semester to be over.

4. I'm thinking about how excited I am to go home and see everyone. My sister Sarah is getting baptized the day after we fly in, and I'm so excited to be there for that. Plus, Nicole is giving the speech at her graduation and that's going to be AWESOME. She's so adorable and I know she'll do such a great job!

I can't wait to see Malan and Owen, either. I nannied for them last summer and will be nannying for them while I'm home. They are so freaking cute and I really love them so much. Like, I would jump in front of a bus for them, I'm not even kidding. I'm more protective of them than almost anyone else. Here's an example.

Owen has a birthmark on one side of his face and last summer he was getting laser treatments to make it go away. The laser treatments would make his face really splotchy for about a week and then it would fade a little bit more each time. Anyway, one day last summer we were on a walk (probably to the post office) and this huge, probably 21 or 22-yr old guy smoking a cigarette glanced down at Owen and said to me, "What happened to dat baby's face?" I didn't even realize what he was talking about for a second and got really concerned that Owen was hurt or something. When I remembered that he has a birthmark, I got really indignant. I said, "Oh. It's a birthmark." The guy didn't nod understandingly. Instead, one corner of his mouth drew up in a grimace as he took another critical look at the baby in the stroller. He was at least a foot taller than me and probably weighed about triple what I do, but I really almost punched him in his puffy cheek, I was so mad. Instead, I grabbed Malan's hand and marched across the street. In that second after his ignorant question, I thought of several things to say. "What happened to your face?" "Probably his mom smoked when he was a baby" (he was smoking a cigarette). "His face looks a hell of a lot better than your's."

I didn't say any of those things because of Malan. She didn't even know a confrontation was going on. Besides that, Owen did have a distinctive birth mark. People were probably going to ask questions later on, too, and I didn't want Malan to think it was something to be ashamed of or get mad about. People just didn't know. I wanted her to see how to respond civilly to that kind of thing, without getting flustered.

Nannying was one of the best parts of my summer last year. I learned so much from Malan and Owen and I really reallyy love them. I'm excited to do it again this summer!

5. I'm thinking a lot about relationships. Here's my thing. I'm really picky. Like reallyy picky. And little things can make or break the deal. For instance, if....hypothetically, of course....I was dating a boy, and everything seemed to be going perfectly well, but then I found out that he didn't like snakes, that could be enough for me to stop liking him altogether. Hypothetically. Because it's actually not the fact that he doesn't like snakes that is bothering me. It's the fact that I do like snakes, and he's afraid of them, so I'm the manlier one. Even if he's the one asking me on dates. I'm still the one who would hypothetically be fighting off the boa constrictors that hypothetically attacked our house when we were hypothetically married. I can't be the manlier one in a relationship, I just can't. And I'm not asking that much. I am really girly. I don't like bugs. I have pink blankets, pillows, picture frames, book bags, moccasins, and hair accessories. I love boys. I listen to Taylor Swift, Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, and Justin Bieber--probably the girliest playlist you have ever heard. If I am the man in a relationship, there is a problem.

Another example. If, hypothetically, I am dating a boy, and he makes a shape. Out of, say, a grapefruit peel. And he says it's supposed to look like a puppy, but hypothetically, all I can see is something way dirtier than a puppy, and he hypothetically can't see it, then there's another problem. Because boys are really dirty. And if I am the more inappropriate one, then there is definitely another problem.

And hypothetically, I wouldn't be able to handle that, either.

6. I'm also thinking about sales tax. Does the state or the federal government decide how much it is?

7. I'm also considering getting some crocs for work. I really hate crocs. Like, I haaaate them. I think they are the ugliest effing shoes ever invented. But I need some shoes that I hate for work. My feet are always getting wet from the spadewell and from doing dishes and I would love to not care. I would feel like I was going against one of my strongest convictions--I am religious in my hatred of crocs--but I might just have to.

8. I'm thinking about other jobs I should get. I really want to work at Color Me Mine, but I'm also considering a flower shop, since I took a floral design class. I also hear that it's good to work for the US Census, but I'm not sure if they'd hire me since I won't be here for all of May. I'm just going to try to apply when I get back.

9. I'm also thinking about how exhausting feelings really are. On Tuesday, I was having a lot of feelings. Way too many. I went in to work at 5 and told everyone that it was "Feelings Day." I was the only girl, working with four boys, and they were all thrilled to participate in Feelings Day. It was a very positive response. I guess everyone has feelings and they all wanted to talk about them. Furthermore, they were more than happy to listen to my feelings, which was just what I needed. I thought I would feel better after Feelings Day, but it was actually quite draining. I slept until 3 on Wednesday. I think this was a direct result of Feelings Day.

10. Music snobs. Perfectly nice people can be music snobs. Most of the time, music snobs are snobs about classics. New music is not good music, in their minds. "Mainstream" is a terrible insult. If it's on the radio, it's probably not very good. Well, why not? Just because the lyrics aren't deep. Maybe they're a little superficial. Maybe the song is just for fun. So why do you have to be hating on it? This attitude bothers me.

11. Missionaries. Should write letters on their p-days. I should be getting a letter soon. Ohmy I think I'm going to throw up, I'm so nervous.

12. Impulse buys aren't always bad. I made two two nights ago that have proven quite useful. Dahl, Kelly, and I went to Walmart after I got home from ColdStone and Feelings Day was winding down. I still had lots of feelings. So I talked about them a lot as I walked through the aisles, looking from side to side, battering my cart around in search of anything I might ever want to eat. I ended up buying lots of food and a green sandwich container with a dinosaur on the lid and a princess beach towel. These were impulse buys. I almost bought a hot wheels sheet cake, too. Then I didn't. It's probably better that I left that on the shelf. But I am glad that I bought my sandwich container and my beach towel. I've already used the sandwich container. I will use my beach towel almost every day this summer, since I'm determined to get tan, and every minute that I'm not working will be spent by the pool. I'm not even joking.

13. This apartment needs toilet paper.

14. I hope NIH calls me back.

15. I should play the piano more.

16. I miss my black tenta.

17. I need to catch up on Gossip Girl.

18. My mail key got stuck in the mailbox today. I had to call maintenance. It was slightly embarrassing. And I didn't even get a letter.

19. I went to lunch with Winnie, Chelsea, and Christine this afternoon. We went to Guru's. It was my first time and it was quite good. I love these girls. I wore Chelsea's pants. We all shared food even though Chelsea has a bit of a sore throat. I like food. I thought my dish was good. Even though Chelsea said it tasted like an old man. (And I kind of agreed with her).

20. I picked my wedding colors -- pink and blue. I told my mom and she said those were her wedding colors too. I guess I am my mother's daughter.

21. I hope that I'm here when, at some point in the summer, there is no snow in the mountains.

22. I write really long blog posts.

23. My right arm is getting a bigger muscle than my left arm, because I work at ColdStone.

OK I think that's enough. Is anyone still reading?? I'd be very impressed.

Monday, April 12, 2010

MANual, part four.

Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house. ~Author Unknown

Psychology Majors Fratris majorus psychologis

· Common names: Psychology major, Psych major

· Genus name: Fratris majorus psychologis

· Habitat:

· Anywhere on campus. These males have classes scattered in all buildings.

· A psychology major’s natural habitat is typically messy and cluttered. They are more likely to take notes in notebooks than on a laptop, and therefore are more likely to have loose paper than other classes of males.

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Balding. Psychology majors recognize that there is not much they can do in the “real world” with only a major in psychology, so they usually major in something else to supplement this major, meaning that they are in school for quite a while. Because of this, they have an older mean age than other males. They usually dress either professionally, with button-down, collared shirts, or they have a more “indie” style. Moccasins are typical of these males. Glasses are acceptable and even encouraged in this field and are often sported by psychology majors.

· Feeding habits:

· Psychology majors are not usually very picky about the food they consume. They are, however, more health-conscious than premies.

· Agonistic display

· Psychology majors will follow the following steps when involved in a confrontation:

1. State their opinion calmly, in a carefully structured “I” statement.

2. Analyze the situation. Determine and simplify the two points of view.

3. Misconstrue their opponent’s point of view to be something totally different.

4. Suggest that the confrontation is about a deeper, underlying issue.

5. Analyze that issue and ignore the issue at hand.

· Psychology majors will not get in physical fights, whenever it is possible to avoid them. They are more willing to discuss their feelings than other classes of males and believe they have an inherent superiority in their ability to resolve conflicts because of their background in psychology.

· It is usually acceptable to tell a psychology major that they are wrong, as they will not get offended, but will silently chalk it up to a deeper issue. They will go on wholeheartedly believing that they are right and that you are in denial or are repressing your feelings, but will not express this if they feel that their insistence is agitating to their opponent.

· Courtship habits:

· These males will over-analyze everything about a relationship. Dating them will be a little like dating another female, because they are so inclined to talk about their feelings.

· Although sometimes painful to admit, these males do tend to be more in tune with their mate’s feelings than other males are with their mate’s. This can be both a good and a bad thing.

· Psychology majors are most attracted to females who can have stimulating and intellectual conversations with them without making them feel inferior. They like teaching people, and will never miss an opportunity to share new information with their mate. When dating a psychology major, it is polite to act as though everything they say is new information to you. Praising their intellect is always advisable. Offering to proofread their term papers, conversely, never is.

· Mating call

· “I must say, you’re a fascinating subject.”

· “I can read minds, and if I’m not mistaken, you’re thinking I should ask you out for this weekend.”

· “Trust me…I study people. And every guy in this room wants you, and I can tell you right now, I’m the only one who really meets your standards.”

“The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.” ~Carrie Underwood

Summer Sales Boys Fratris mercantis veranus

· Common names: Door-to-door salesmen, Pest control boys, Pesticide boys, Security salesmen

· Genus name: Fratris mercantis veranus

· Habitat:

· These males are often business majors – see Fratris majorus mercantis.

· Also, the gym, as they are greatly concerned with their appearance.

· the local pool

· In their natural habitat, these males are extremely likely to own a LoveSac.

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Typically attractive, as it is practically a requirement of the job. These males will go tanning, get their hair done, and will usually either be clean-shaven or carefully rugged. They depend on their looks and charm to get them what they want. They like working out and especially work out their arms. If these males need glasses, they will usually opt to use contacts instead, or go for the classy plastic glasses.

· Feeding habits:

· Protein shakes

· These males go out to eat frequently and enjoy higher class foods.

· Agonistic display

· Being naturally competitive, summer sales boys are less likely to back down from confrontations than other males. They will speak in an even, unapologetic tone. Conflicts only end if they prove that they are in the right and their opponent backs down, or they decide that their opponent is not worth their time and effort.

· These males have a difficult job, fraught with rejection and rudeness. Therefore, in a non-work setting, they feel even more entitled to respect and become quickly irritated when they feel they are not getting it.

· Questioning or challenging the authority of these males is unadvisable, as they are “smooth talkers” and very egotistical. They do not believe that they are ever wrong, more so than other classes of males. If they did well with summer sales, they will conclude that it is because of their natural charm and talent and will continue to employ the skills they learned while selling in other relationships. If you find yourself in a disagreement with a summer sales boy, and you feel like he is trying to sell you his opinion, you are right: he is.

· When one group of summer salesmen meets another group of summer salesmen, they will immediately being comparing themselves. For instance, when a group of pesticide boys meets a group of security salesmen, the topic of conversation will inevitably turn to how much commission they get, how easy it is to sell accounts, and the perks of the job.

· Courtship habits:

· These males are extremely confident in asking girls out on dates. They think very highly of themselves and often view girls as customers to whom they need to sell an account: themselves.

· Because of their vast experience with people, summer sales boys know how to be charming and charismatic. They are more flirtatious and less serious than business majors.

· However, working as a summer sales boy also implants bad habits for courtship in these males. For one thing, working in an “exotic” (or at least different) location increases the chances that they will have a summer fling. This teaches them how to effectively begin and end intentionally short-lived relationships. In addition, being so competitive and dealing with so much pressure to be the alpha male causes them to consider who the best female to show off to their friends would be, and it is that female that they will attempt to date. This makes it so their motives are not as pure as females would usually prefer.

· Summer sales boys are less parsimonious than business majors, usually. Selling several accounts in one day gives them a euphoric and inaccurate sense of their own wealth, causing them to be more willing to spend money at restaurants, etc. They have also learned to evaluate people’s worth based on their ability to make money, and because of this, they express themselves with their money, wanting others to judge them well.

· Summer sales boys also have difficulty committing to one particular female, and are even worse at it than business majors. They are charming, chronically flirtatious, and very selective of their mates.

· Be cautious when dating a summer sales boy. They are difficult to trust because, as a salesman, they often were told outright by their employers to be dishonest in order to sell an account. They can be pushy and, although they dealt with it a good deal over the summer, do not like rejection in their personal lives.

· If you do reject a summer sales boy, they will quickly move on to the next female. They will probably treat you rudely in the future, as if you are inconsequential to them, since this is the way they would treat a potential customer who refused to buy something from them.

· These males are also more likely to be interested in a relationship with a low level of commitment, such as NCMO’s or friends with benefits. If this is the case, the female will be a conquest they can brag about to their friends, and will be treated in the same they would treat a large account they sold.

· Mating call

· “I thought I was the salesman, but this time, I’m the one getting sold….on you.”

· “I know you want me.” (Summer sales boys are, as I said, very egotistical.)

Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. ~William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor, 1601

Theater / Music Majors Fratris majorus thespus

· Common names: Music major, theater major, bandie. These males are also commonly called by the instrument they play or the voice part they sing, for example: cellist, viola, tenor, bass, etc.

· Genus name: Fratris majorus thespus; Fratris majorus musicalis; Fratris majorus dramaticus

· Habitat:

· D’Jong Concert Hall

· Harris Fine Arts Center

· Covey Center for the Arts

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Either dramatically eccentric clothes or more “brooding artist”-esque appearance. Typically at BYU, these males will choose to wear the former rather than the latter, which is more common outside of BYU. May be toting an instrument or sheet music. Theater majors are generally loud and very comical. They are outgoing, creative, and true performers.

· Feeding habits:

· Music and theater majors who depend on their voice are very careful about what they eat and drink. They do not touch soda or drink milk or anything with lactose at any time nearing a performance. They consume large volumes of water and herbal tea.

· Males majoring in dance or another theatrical subcategory are extremely cautious about their weight. Perfection in appearance is important to their success as a performing major.

· Agonistic display

· Anyone in a music or theater major understands the nature of friendly competition and will desire things to remain civil, at least at first. However, they do want to be the best, and they will work very hard to prove that they are. This can take much of the friendliness out of the competition when confronted by someone else with the same attitude.

· When in a physical fight, theater majors will fall back on their education and training in stage fighting. They will also quote movies, either in an effort to lighten the mood, or because they have a natural theatrical flare that is not easily suppressed.

· When told that they have lost, music and theater majors will accept the decision, but they will not necessarily do so happily. They will review their own performance and work to improve it for the next time they are met with a challenge.

· Courtship habits:

· These males tend to be more romantic than most other males. They throw themselves into relationships and are more dramatic when they come to an end.

· Music majors are likely to serenade prospective mates when asking for a date. They draw from a vast database of films and songs when choosing their words and sometimes directly copy what they have seen. However, they also tend to be very creative and a relationship with a music major can be extremely enjoyable.

· Sometimes, these males find it difficult to detach themselves from their chosen craft in order to make sufficient time for a relationship. This can be difficult for their mates to be understanding of, but it is important that she never ask her music major mate to choose between her and his piano, or trumpet, or ballroom dance partner.

· She also must be prepared to see him act passionately with another female on the stage or on the dance floor. This should not be misconstrued as faithlessness, but if the mate is uncomfortable with it, she should not avoid discussing it with her mate. Music majors need open communication in relationships in order to be satisfied with them.

· Mating call

· “Someone as beautiful as you belongs on a Broadway stage.”

· Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I love you, until the end of time.

· “We should be lovers, and that’s a fact.”

· “This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?”

· Or another famous love quote for a movie.

· “I’ve been accused of being a little dramatic, but I don’t think I’m being dramatic when I say that if you don’t go out with me this weekend, I’m literally going to die.”

· “It takes two to tango.”

Friday, April 9, 2010

MANual, Part Three.

“All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all others.” -Cynthia Heimel

Engineering Majors Fratris majorus ingeniaris

· Common names: Engineering major

· Genus name: Fratris majorus ingeniaris

· Habitat:

· Talmage building

· Clyde building

· Eyring Science Center

· Crabtree Technology building

· EE-EE dances

· An engineering major’s natural habitat is typically messy and cluttered. This is a class of male that, almost without exception, needs a woman’s touch to keep mold and fungus from growing in their apartment and ants from invading. There will almost definitely be a well-used and loved game system where the engineering major hones his World of Warcraft skills. You can also expect to see a collection of Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and other science fiction DVD’s—all the extended versions.

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Glasses, furrowed eyebrows, pencil behind ear, calculator at immediate access. Engineering majors are not typically well-dressed and tend to have more scruff than other males. When they are dressed up, their ties are usually either too short or too long, and their shirt is untucked more often than not. This is because engineering majors have more important things to think about than their appearance, such as which one is better, a Mac or a PC.

· Feeding habits:

· Sandwiches, such as egg salad, peanut butter and jelly, or deli sandwiches with the deli meat carelessly thrown on.

· Fast food, freezer pizzas, granola bars, cold cereal, or microwave dinners. Engineering takes precedence over food, but engineering majors are still males, and still must eat.

· Agonistic display

· When another male enters their territory, engineering majors usually bristle and get flustered. Rather than engage in a conflict with a dominant male, they will leave in a huff and angrily discuss their encounter later with other engineering majors.

· Engineering majors get very defensive and abrupt when they feel that they are being backed into a corner. They might snap a pencil or two, but generally speaking are docile and sweet.

· Courtship habits:

· May ask females on a date in a creative but nerdy way, such as spelling out “Date?” on their calculator.

· These males do not typically like games in courtship and tend to be more direct.

· Since they tend to be more technologically savvy than other classes of males, they will be excellent at holding up a texting relationship.

· Engineering majors have a difficult reputation to break away from of being awkward, socially inept, messy, and smelling unattractive. While these are accurate of some engineering majors, they also tend to be caring, thoughtful, and faithful to their mate.

· Mating call

· “Are you a magnet, because I’m attracted to you!”

· “I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.”

· “Let’s you and me go engineer a little romance.”

· “I’m feeling exponentially more attracted to you as the minutes pass.”

“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” ~Lana Turner

Pre-missionaries Fratris infantus

· Common names: Premies, pre-missionaries, babies.

· Genus name: Fratris infantus

· Habitat:

· Helaman Halls

· Freshman housing

· Dance clubs, such as The Loft and Studio 600

· Brother Bott’s mission prep classes

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Of all the classes of male, this is the only class that does not wear garments. Their hair is usually longer and more unkempt than other males who have already served missions. They are also afflicted with more acne than the average RM. As a freshman female, it can be difficult to tell Premies apart from other males, but when one becomes a sophomore, it becomes significantly easier. They simply look and act younger.

· Feeding habits:

· Cannon center

· Fast food

· Whatever the girls in their wards feed them.

· Pre-missionaries are not typically healthy eaters, but they are hearty and appreciative eaters. They don’t usually know how to cook very well and will eat whatever is most readily available to them. Since most of them are still teenagers, they have usually either barely hit their growth spurt or are still waiting for it. Either way, these males are ravenous at all times. They appreciate good food perhaps more than any other class of male and respond marvelously to it.

· Agonistic display

· Premies wrestle when confronted by an opponent. They are much more prone to conflict, especially physical contact, than other classes of males. These wrestling matches usually end with both parties feeling better, regardless of what the argument was about to begin with.

· When backed into a corner, premies will usually turn to either humor or pouting to escape. They are still a little unsure of themselves, but want to appear confident and adult, so this is an uncomfortable situation for them.

· Pointing out that a premie is wrong is unadvisable. Since they are male, they like to be right—all the time—and since they are young, they do not know how to respond gracefully when they are wrong.

· Courtship habits:

· Date as many girls as they possibly can. This is referred to as “filling the canteen.”

· These males love games in courtship. They are extroverted and flirtatious. Even if they are intimidated, they will be more willing to ask out a female they find attractive because of their lack of previous rejection and because of the pressure of their peers.

· Furthermore, they have a “more fish in the sea” attitude about dating as they will be leaving to serve their mission soon, and so are not overly concerned with serious relationships.

· Be cautious, however. Once in a relationship, these males will often be disillusioned with the idea that the girl they are dating will be willing to wait two years for them. This either leads to a mutual obsession with one other or a Dear John. Either way is emotionally draining and is ill-advised.

· Being in an exclusive relationship with a premie can be quite enjoyable. Since they are not highly motivated, they will be more willing to play childlike games and stay up late at night. These relationships also have a built-in expiration date (whenever they leave on their mission) which can promote a generally lighthearted feel to the relationship, alleviating some pressure from the female.

· If a premie decides to end a relationship, for whatever reason, he will not do so formally. Instead, he will abruptly cut off all ties and start pursuing another female. They are uncomfortable with confrontations with the opposite sex and will avoid them at all costs.

· Occasionally the premie will decide to end the relationship formally. This usually only happens at the persistence of the female involved. When they do decide to end the relationship officially, they will cite their upcoming mission and their need to maintain focus as the cause (a popular Mormonized version of the common phrase, “It’s not you, it’s me.”)

· Mating call

· “Did you fart? Because you just blew me away!” (or another equally tactful pickup line.)

· “I’ll probably go somewhere exotic for the mish and come back with a sexy accent.”

· “I’m just trying to fill the canteen.”

· “Yeah, but I’m not leaving until [insert month of mission date here] which leaves us plenty of time for us to get to know another.”

· “Would you like to hold the priesthood? Because I’m free on Friday…”

· “No, really. The Spirit is insisting that I take you out this weekend.”