My LIFE

In case you are like the one person on this planet who was not already aware, I am awkward. I've written numerous posts about it. It's usually fine. I can laugh it off and convince myself that it's endearing and then I blog about it and it's fine.

Here are the times it has not been fine:

1. When I ran through the revolving door at the aquarium and almost knocked over a child. Sorry that Will Ferrell made me think it would be okay....

2. When I had my phone in my shirt and then it started slipping down but I had my shirt tucked into my skirt but I was in a hallway by myself so I thought it would be fine to just reach down and readjust it and then the ONE male teacher in the whole entire school came swooping out of his classroom and for some reason I thought it would be less awkward to keep my hand in my shirt than it would be to pretend like I hadn't just had my hand in my shirt, so I kept it there while we walked past each other and awkwardly said hi.....

3. When I ran into a pole on my first day teaching because I was trying to walk backwards to watch my class walk in a line.....

4. I feel like there was one time when I said something about how gross smoking was and then I turned and realized that someone was smoking right next to me and I recall it not being the okay kind of awkward, but I don't really remember why it wasn't okay. But it wasn't.

5. When I went up to my uncle in a movie theater in NYC and asked, "Can I have my ticket now?" And he looked at me and laughed and said, "Nice try!" and I realized that he was not my uncle.....

6. When a boy came over and my roommate asked, "Who is here?" and I peeked out of our room and said, "I don't know, but he's short." And then I realized how not quietly I had said that.

7. When I was at Disney World with my friends for the Spring Trip and we were in line and it was hot and I got really impatient and I said, "I'm about to start shaking this water bottle for entertainment! Aaaggghh!" And then I did shake it, but the lid wasn't on, so water went everywhere and got all over this girl in line behind me and she. was. pisssssedd, and then we still had to wait in line with her right behind us until we got to go on the ride.

We were so happy until that awkwardness happened.

 8. Tonight. When I went to a stake activity and ate some vegetables and ranch dip, and I was excited to get free food until the ranch dip was spicy and I didn't eat very much of it because my mouth was catching on fire. And then we were standing in a group with some cute boys and I was folding my paper plate into fourths, and then all of a sudden it popped out of my hands like one of those fold-up frisbees that you get in the mail from banks and realtors and stuff, and my roommate tried to catch it, but she just kind of batted it up in the air, and ranch went all over her hands and the plate landed and the ranch splatted and this girl who I did not know turned around and got sad that my ranch had gotten on the back of her pants. And I had no napkins. And my roommates ran away. And my face became a tomato. And the cute boys laughed at me. And I realized that I will never stop embarrassing myself. Never. Never.