The world is your oyster!: Chaste by an Elephant        

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My name is Heather.

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Sunday, June 23, 2013

Chaste by an Elephant

Today I walked into RelSoc, fully expecting to be spiritually fed via another lesson that I could not hear a word of due to the air conditioning. But that is not what I got.

My bishop for this springtime is a fantastic bishop. He is shortish, and spryish, and sweetish. (Not to be confused with Swedish.) He is enthusiastic and friendly and one of those bishops that just radiates charity. It was this man who stood up immediately following the opening prayer.

"We have this lesson at least once a year," he began. "The dreaded chastity lesson. And I know my daughters didn't always - or ever - love getting this lesson from me, so I'm sorry that I have to be the one to teach it to you girls."

"I think you'll do a wonderful job, Bishop!" one girl exclaimed rapturously.

A catcall? The bishop lost his concentration for a moment. "What's that?" he asked, smile still intact as he looked around the room, trying to identify the interrupter.

"I said, you'll do a wonderful job, Bishop," she said, a little less rapturously.

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that," he said, and tried to get back on track. "I'll just do my best."

He clicked a button and an image of Mt. Rushmore appeared on the screen behind him."Who has ever been here?" he asked. A few hands went up.

"Where is he going with this?" I wondered. "Is he going to take the all-of-these-men-did-it route? The, everyone-is-doing-it-but-you-have-to-do-it-at-the-right-time-with-the-right-person, route?"

"What did you think of it?" the bishop asked.

"It was cool," one girl said. "It wasn't as big as I thought it would be."

"Oh no!" I thought. "You can't say that in a chastity lesson!"

"Exactly!" the bishop said.

......wait, what?

"That's what most people say when they see Mt. Rushmore," he continued. Lots of emphasis on every other word: "It's not, as big, as they thought, it would be."

K but, really. Where are you going with this.

"We'll come back to this idea later," the bishop said. "Right now I want to show you this:"

Another button, and there was the bishop in a beautiful cream-colored tuxedo with a very big bow tie. His hairs were combed neatly. His date's hairs were feathered, just as neatly.

I don't remember why he wanted to show us this picture.....but I do remember that the catcaller struck again when that image lit up the screen. "Lookin' good, bishop!" she cried out.

I think the bishop anticipated some awkwardness in teaching this lesson, but he hadn't quite expected it in the form of loud compliments directed at him. His cheeks flared up and he coughed out an uncomfortable little laugh.

And then, he went on to teach a wonderful lesson. One of the best lessons about chastity that I have sat uncomfortably through. A rocky beginning

ehm, pun intended....
 did not deter my bishop from finishing strong.

2nd place goes to

and 3rd place to 

"What is...? Oh... Getting to know the opposite sex are we? Male female dynamics, all that. Sexual tension... it's all part of the high school experience... Continue, continue, please. But keep it cleaned up. Abstinence is key, abstinence is the best way, to not not."

Aaaand I'd better just stop talking about it now. Happy Sunday!

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