The world is your oyster!: The Family that Farts Together...        

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My name is Heather.

I am 22 years old.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

The Family that Farts Together...

2014 came. I welcomed it with the traditional kiss and sparkling apple cider, and the newly traditional lighting some gingerbread houses on fire.

Then I stayed up a little bit longer, and then, at around 1:30, I decided I was ready for bed. The husband was not. Which was fine, since I also celebrated the new year with a new phoooone, so I had plenty to entertain myself with.

I was not in bed for more than 10 minutes before the door opened and Logan marched in, then Michael, then Brandon, and then Stephen, each with their hands pressed to their mouth. They came in single file, from shortest to tallest, and the worst sounds erupted from behind all of their hands.

When they were all in, they turned to face me at the foot of the bed. It was a procession of fake flatulence, and it didn't stop there.

It got to the point where their hands weren't enough, so they got creative. Farts ripped through elbows, armpits, and each other's cheeks. I was in a surround-sound fart tunnel!

And then they started jumping on the bed! Pfffrrrrpp-ing each time they landed just inches away from my head. Bdddddtt-ing with each karate kick in the air. Thhhhrrrr-ing with their butts high. It was very alarming.

I decided this need to be recorded. "Everyone go to the foot of the bed, I need to take a picture!" I said.

But the circus would not condense itself into one picture frame. Sometimes two people stood close enough to be in a picture together, but never more than that.

"Stand still! Logan, you're not in the picture. Stephen, would you help? I just need everyone at the foot of the bed so I can take one picture!"

It was like herding cats.

Then someone fell off the bed and this is the only picture I got from the whole thing.

Just know that it was hilarious. 

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