The Essence of Moisture

Recently, Utah has been getting a little bit more rain than it usually does. I don't really like the rain here in Utah, and here's why: when I hear that it is going to rain, I get ready. I put on my black and white rainboots and make sure that my jacket has a hood. I leave my apartment, armed with my polka-dotted umbrella (ella, ella, ay, ay), ready to meet the rain head-on.

And then it doesn't rain.

Instead, the sky kind of glares at me, annoyed that I somehow managed to thwart its plan of ruining my day with its cold raindrops. It spends all day, gathering up gray until I go into a building for class, or until I go home for the night. And then, the second I step through the doorway, it starts to rain.

You might be wondering why this would bother a person. You might be thinking, "how wonderful, to have the world so in your favor that it never rains on you." But that's not really what bothers me. I am bothered because it never rains on me when I am prepared for rain. I am bothered because then, I carry around an unhelpful umbrella. I go out of my way to find puddles to splash through with my rainboots. My hood flops uselessly against my back. I was all ready for rain and it never came.

This is not so much a problem as what happens when I am not ready for rain. Sometimes, I get tired of hearing about the rain that is coming, because I've been wearing rainboots all week and have seen nothing but sunshine. Sometimes, I just don't remember to call the Utah Weather Phone and the rain takes me by surprise. Whatever the reason, there are some days that it rains that I am not sufficiently prepared.

On these days, I am greeted by an enthusiastic gray sky as a splash of water as soon as I leave my apartment. I walk through campus, head bowed, resigned to my situation. I look around at all the others students, happily shaking off their umbrellas and stomping their cute boots, and I wonder why the rain couldn't have come at a time when I, too, was wearing boots and toting around an umbrella.

However annoying this is, the thing that bothers me the most about rain is this thing that people seem to really like doing in Mormon culture. It's called, being grateful for the rain.

Not trying to hate on anyone's prayers, but I have to say that this has always seemed weird to me. Whenever it is a rainy day, or it is the day after a rainy day, people will invariably work that into their prayers somehow. It usually sounds something like this: "And we thank thee for the rain," or, "We thank thee for this good moisture we have received," or, "We thank thee for the moisture and ask that it can go to the places that need it." There are many variations of this idea, but it bothers me every time, no matter how it is worded.

I just have to wonder, why is anyone grateful for this moisture? We have sprinklers. Utah has been a dessert for.....ever, and everyone has got it under control. When I was graduating from high school, and I told people I was going to be going to school in Utah, many of them said something about how I would miss the greenness of the East Coast. But I haven't actually missed it that much. Utahns water their yards obsessively in the spring and summer, as soon as the snow disappears. They get fancy sprinkler systems that will water their grass every 6 minutes. The drought situation has been stabilized.

It also confuses me when people say this, because I don't hear anyone saying, "Oh, I'm so glad it's raining today! This is great that Utah is getting some rain!" (except when they are being self-righteous). More often, you hear people saying, "Look at my hair, I hate this rain." "My shoes are soaked, I should have worn my rainboots." "I just want to go dry off, this rain is ridiculous." That doesn't sound very grateful.

Personally, I am grateful for rain if the following are also happening:

1. I am inside, and I am sleeping.
2. I am inside, and there is cool lightning.
3. I am inside, and all the lights are still on.
4. I am outside, and someone really smokin hot is kissing me super-passionately.

If you also feel like this, you might consider saying thank you for your house, which keeps you safe and warm and far away from the "moisture."

Something I'm Grateful For

As this Thanksgiving approaches, I've been thinking a little about what I am grateful for. I'll probably come back in a little bit to add more to the list, but for now I just want to talk about one specific thing I am grateful for.

I first thought of this when I read a sign at Jump On It that said, "Please do not jump if your weight is over 230 lbs." Then, I thought it again as I was galloping across the gym for my exercise science class. I thought of it again as I sprinted across campus after my test today....only to watch as the bus pulled away from the stop and charged down the road. And I thought of it againn when I ordered one solitary soft taco from Taco Bell (because I had missed the bus so what else was I going to do?) and watched as the person before me in line ordered four soft tacos, the bell grande nachos, a large fountain drink, and two bean burritos and plodded off to their table to eat a lonely meal, complete with enough calories to sustain me for a month.

So here's what I realized, in all these situations: I am incredibly grateful that I am not 300 lbs.

I don't mean, I'm grateful that I'm a normal weight. I mean, I am grateful that I am not ridiculously obese.

Think about it. How discouraging would that be to wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and think, "Man. I really need to lose....200lbs. Yep, better get on that." I would absolutely hate my life. And this is me, Heather Connor, exercise video enthusiast. I like working out just as much as the next person. But if I had to set goals, and go on diets, and arrange my schedule so that I could work out, I think that would suck all the fun out of it. I would stay inside and do Richard Simmons videos until I passed out. And thennn you go and eat something, and there goes all that hard work. So that sucks. Plus there's all the costs you incur with health insurance because you are so fat that no one wants to cover you.

So as I thought about that, and felt more and grateful by the second, I realized something else. People don't just wake up one morning and find that they have gained 160 lbs. No one is thatt surprised when they see themselves in the mirror. It happens gradually, because people eat burgers and ice cream every other second and take the elevator instead of the stairs and watch TV when they could be watching Lena Pareira do the Bikini Body workout. I understand that some people do not have the best genes or the best metabolism. But their weight still increases gradually. If I woke up every morning for an extended period of time to find that my mattress was getting closer and closer to the ground because of the force of my sheer mass, I WOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

And it's not like you can just, forget about your condition. You carry your fat around with you, for goodness' sake. You don't order a Big Mac, happily chow down, and then go home and see your fat sitting in the corner right where you left it. You don't buy a box of Twinkies only to find yourself smacking your forehead as you drive away because you suddenly remembered, "Oh....aren't I fat? Well dang it. I guess Twinkies might not have been the best choice." So it's certainly a choice you make. What is it going to be, water aerobics and Weight Watchers, or burgers and buttprints on the couch? You just have to choose. And, as is often the case, prevention is generally going to be easier than repentance.

All I'm saying is, I am grateful that I'm not 300 lbs. Or even 250 lbs. That would just be depressing.