The Perfect Valentines Day

Iiiii think, would consist of:

.......sorry that food is my love language. Maybe there would be a little bit of this too:

That is cran-raspberry-apple juice in the background....

 

This would actually just be perfect on any day.

I know Valentines Day is about spending time with your valentine.....and I know that I scored lowest on Receiving Gifts on the Love Languages test. But commercialism isn't such a bad thing :)

If Only

This morning, being the slightly narcissistic person that I am, I made my second-graders write in their journals about me. Specifically, what they would give me for my birthday if they could give me anything in the world.

Don't judge me. I like birthdays. Especially my own.

Here are some of my favorite responses:

 

Translation: "OK Miss Connor, what do you want for your birthday ooo I know what you want for your birthday a toaster ya that's what you want ooo wait. I know what you want a mug ya that's what you want wait. I know what you want you want two mugs ya that's what you want!"

 

 Translation: "If I could give Miss Connor anything. It would be a brand-new car. And a flat screen tv. And that's what I would get Miss Connor."

 

Translation: "If I had to give Miss Connor something in the whole wide world I would give her a new car and a new house! I would give you one hundred and three fish."

Translation: "Since tomorrow is Miss Connor's bday I would give her a birthday card and a craft, a good craft, and after her bday maybe a 100 dollar bill. Oh she would like that a lot. No make that 100 dollar bill into a 100 million dollar bill. That would be better."

 

Translation: "If I could give Miss Connor a present I would give her a note and a watch and pencils and pens."

 

Translation: "The present I would give her is a dog and a boyfriend and a cat and fish."

Translation: "It would be a fish and it would be a beta it would be with a fish bowl."

And my personal favorite.....

 

Translation: "If I could give Miss Connor anything in the world it would be a cute boyfriend and he would have a cute car. And she would always bring him in and at lunch and kiss and kiss and kiss all day long the end."

Like Winnie the Pooh? But Better

There was this one time, two years ago, when all the bachelors in Utah got lucky.

Or 25 of them at least. Originally it was only supposed to be 21 bachelors, but it ended up being 25-ish. Why did they get lucky all at once, you ask? It's because they happened to know a girl named Christine, and she happened to plan a great surprise for her friend's 21st birthday. And that surprise involved Winnie stepping into a dark room and being surprised by a party that was attended by 21 smokin' hot men who handed her a rose, one by one, and kissed her.

There were supposed to be 21, but like I said before, there ended up being 25-ish. They basically begged to be included, and Christine didn't want to exclude anyone. This might seem surprising to some people in Provo, since not every girl has a boy clamoring after her for a kiss, much less 25. But the better you get to know Winnie, the less surprising it is.

We were babies when we met. BABIES I tell you. There we were, fresh-faced and bushy-tailed, sitting on the grass for freshman orientation. Who could have known then that over the course of our freshman year.....

1. I would spend approximately 3 nights every week sleeping on Winnie's couch instead of my own bed, which was a whole floor away from Winnie's apartment. 

2. We would make friends with some lovely people who we are still friends with today. 

3. We would go to a preference dance that we creatively asked boys to. 

4. We would get our Tucano's free meal cards in the mail at the same time, which would start a glorious tradition of us going to Tucano's for lunch on a weekend close to our birthdays.

5. We would both buy each other ice cream on account of some exciting first kisses. 

6. We would eat lunch together almost err day. We would also eat lots of other meals together. Like every time we had a test coming up and we had to study, so naturally we would eat instead.....

7. She would act as mediator during some interesting interactions with the roommates. We would design a peace pipe made of a paper towel roll and some scrapbook paper for this interaction. We would also come wearing these homemade headbands. 

8. We would be rewarded for the hours we spent mentoring elementary-schoolers with a tour of the football stadium and locker room. We would be more excited about this tour than the elementary-schoolers we were mentoring. 

 

 9. We would cuddle. At least, that's what some people would call what you see happening in that picture below....

 10.We would develop a greater appreciation for animals, like the ones we would visit in the Bean Museum. Also, like Cosmo the Cougar.

11. We would become such good friends that she would come and visit me on the East Coast that summer! During which trip, we would go to DC, NYC, New Jersey (on accident), and Baltimore.

12.  We would continue to party like (Mormon) rock stars when we were sophomores and juniors in college. We thought we would grow up after freshman year.

....but we only kind of did.

 13. We would turn into men for a night. 

 14. At some point, we would also turn into a genie and a shawty, respectively.

15.  We would take a week off from real life with some other friends from freshman year. Instead of going to classes or work, we would spend it in Vegas and California, sampling sodas from around the world, posing by palm trees, celebrating the wonderful Walt Disney, and soaking up the sun. 

Don't worry. We wouldn't feel any remorse about it. 

It's not often that you find someone who will be such a good friend as Winnie is. She is loyal and funny and thoughtful. She is a hard worker, but she makes time to have fun. She gives such good advice, and even when she says "I told you so," it's not mean. 

She wears cute clothes and her hairs always look good and I think her only fault is that her feet are not the same size as mine, so I can't borrow her shoes. And you know that's sad, because they are always cute.

She learns from her experiences. She has ambition and gumption. She is probably going to be the president one day. Whenever I'm hanging out with her and my dad calls, he tells me how great he thinks she is. Also, Nicole does the same thing.

So on behalf of my dad, Nicole, Chuck Bass, those 25 boys, and of course, myself: Happy birthday, Winnie! I hope it was the best day ever :)

Why won't you kiss me?

We are learning about questions in 2nd grade this week. To introduce the topic, I said: "So there's this boy, and my roommate kind of likes him. She thinks he's kind of cute, and she's really excited because he asked her if he could take her to dinner tonight! So they are going out, like on a date, and she's way excited, but she's also kind of nervous that she won't know what to say. So she asked if I could ask you guys for some ideas of some questions she can ask when she's on her date. What are some words we can use to start off a question?"

Someone said "what." I put that on the board and had everyone think of a question. The questions started out pretty good: What is your favorite sport? What is your favorite sports team? What is your favorite movie? What do you like to do when you're not playing sports? etc.

The next question word we talked about was "How?" We had some good ones: How are you doing? How is your day? And then someone raised their hand and said, "How much do you like me?" And all of a sudden, everyone had thought of a million other questions along those lines. "How much do you love me?" "How much do you want to marry me?" "How many girlfriends do you have?"

I thought that moving to the next question word, "When," would be a good idea. Here were some they came up with for "When:" "When will you be here?" (in case he's running late) "When will you leave me alone?" (in case he's bothering her) "When will you hug me?" "When will you kiss me?"

"It's a first date," I reminded them. "I don't think my roommate will be asking "When will you kiss me" tonight. But you're right! That is a question."

We went on to "where." Those questions sounded pretty similar to the "when" questions.... "Where will you hug me?" "Where will you kiss me?" "Where will you marry me?"

We got a little more creative with "Why-" "Why are we going to this restaurant?" "Why did you want to take me to dinner?" "Why do you like me?" "Why have you still not kissed me?"

"Let's try to stay away from questions about kissing," I suggested. The next person I called on said: "Why have you still not smooched me?" So obviously that worked really well.

And finally, we asked some "Who" questions - "Who told you to take me to dinner?" "Who is your mom?" "Who is your daddy?" (Uproarious laughter followed that one) "Who are your friends?" ("...in case he has friends," my students added) "Who is your girlfriend?" ("...and then you say, 'Is it me?' and give him the stare," K said. "What is the stare?" I asked. Don't worry, every one of my second graders was able to demonstrate their own version of the stare for me.)

If any of my roommates do end up using these questions on any dates, I would like to wish them a very hearty good luck. But even more, I would like to wish a hearty good luck to the boys who end up dating the girls in my class one day.

Awkward Turtle

Life can get a little awkward when……….

- You go to an elementary school (where you are supposed to be a teacher) and happen to be wearing the same skirt as one of the students.

-Someone asks how you and this boy know each other and the boy in question quickly replies “We flirt in church.”

-You go to buy a car and learn all about the dealer, including, but not limited to: his conversion to the church, the story of his move from Iran to America, how many kids are in his family, the life story of his favorite son, the story of the time he switched careers from making crowns and bridges for teeth to selling cars, his political leanings…..

-You can’t even bring yourself to smile at the people working at FedEx because that place is a joke and you feel a little bit like they are waxing your nostrils with duct tape because of how much everything costs.

-Sooomebody has to stand up and say how great of a game kissing rugby is, and no one else steps up to the plate, so it ends up being you. And then you’re that girl.

-You tell a few people that you are considering going back to your old ward this upcoming Sunday, and every last one of them responds: “Oh, there are no cute boys in your new ward?”

-And you have to admit that no, there are not.


-You have a dream that you are serving a mission and your mission president's wife is giving a presentation to welcome you to the mission, and she announces that Matt Damon is in the boundaries of the mission, and he loves the missionaries, so feel free to get rides with him whenever, but don't kiss him. She goes on, "It is soooo hard not to kiss him. But don't do it. My gosh. It's, like really hard." And then all the other sister missionaries turn to you and nod and confirm that it is so hard not to kiss him. 

-Also, Arie was supposed to be going to your mission, too, but he broke his leg right before. So that's a bummer. 

-You have to tell a dealer that you don’t want their car, and you find yourself channeling your inner Emily Maynard in the hopes that you will be able to break up with the dealer as gracefully as she broke up with 24 guys.

-You call your mom every day at the same time to ask her to get you un-lost again.

-You seriously consider going to the dollar theater to watch “The Lucky One” by yourself, since your Zac Efron fan friend is currently in a different state and your other friends expressed specific disdain for the fact that he won some Teen Choice Awards.

But for real, how could you find fault with this?

-You watch Toddlers and Tiaras and it has the opposite of the intended effect on you. As in, you watch it and kind of want to put your children in pageants….

-Someone txts you "Be there in a sex."

-The next day, someone else txts you "Ok, see you in a sex."

-Both someones are immediately horrified and correct themselves. Both someones get a txt from you that says, "I'm sexcited!" because you are convinced that it wasn't only funny the first time and that this is a joke that is okay to repeat with different audiences.

-You fill out a damage sheet for the apartment you just moved into, which is the same apartment you painted 2 years ago, and in the spot where it asks about whether the walls are white or painted, you not only list the colors of all the walls but also compliment them.

-You go to buy 50 composition notebooks, 25 pencil boxes, 25 highlighters, 50 colored pens, 30 dry erase markers, 25 desk name tags, 50 boxes of crayons, 60 erasers, 48 glue sticks, and 100 folders at Walmart, and the cashier asks: "Are you a teacher?"

-And you respond, "No, I just have a lot of kids." 

-And for a second, he looks like he believes you.

-You txt a friend and accidentally ask what time "Capture the Fag" is going to start.

-You meet the worst boy ever at the pool, and he is the really persistent kind who keeps trying to talk to you and your friends, despite your blatantly rude body language that clearly says "don't talk to me, in fact would you please go crawl into a hole because that's how annoying you are...."

-You go to a baseball game and are told by the little girl sitting in front of you “Okay, I won’t lick your legs. But they sure do look tasty!”

-You go to the bank to deposit a check like an adult and the banker goes to shake your hand and asks what your name is, and you have to shift everything you're holding to the other hand and pull the lollipop out of your mouth to answer, and you realize that no amount of check-depositing will truly make you into an adult. 

-You and your sister make cupcakes for a friend for her birthday. They are the best cupcakes ever. Then, you don't know where she lives, so you just eat a couple while you wait on getting her address.

-On a possibly related note, you learn, through personal experience, that it is indeed possible to eat 18 cupcakes in 5 days. By yourself. 

And finally, it can get a little awkward when all the things on this list are actually the little things that make your life really enjoyable :)