Wife of the Year

You might be the wife of the year if:

1. You don't throw a fit when your birthday doesn't go as imagined. You just move your birthday to a different day, make yourself a sign, and call it good. 

2. You watch a scary movie with your husband. And then, while he sleeps soundly, totally unaffected by the horror you just submitted your minds to, and you lay there terrified and unable to sleep, you remember how much he loves his sleep and you do not wake him up. 

Do NOT watch this movie!

3. Marriage is caring is sharing. If you share the closet as well as I do, you might be the wife of the year. 

This is Stephen's side of our closet. I know, I know. It was really generous of me to give him all that space.

4. You decorate your house and it looks adorable!

......while it lasts. 

Three hours after hanging these up....

5. You definitely don't ever ask him to dress up with you for an event that no one else is dressing up for. And you don't hand him a pair of your own tights to put on in an attempt to find an appropriate costume. (And if you did, you wouldn't spend 5 minutes laughing at how hilarious he looks wearing your tights.)

(.....and even if you hypothetically did do all of that stuff, you wouldn't then ask him to put the tights back on a day later so that you could take a picture of him and put it on your blog for the enjoyment of everybody else.)

If you do / have done any of these things, you can give yourself a hearty pat on the back. You are well on your way to being wife of the year! 

So Busy up in Here

I don't know why I apparently have more time to blog when I am on-track than when I am off, but apparently I do. And now I have 5 minutes before I have to leave to go to Idawhat, but here's a blog on what I have been doing instead of blogging:

1. Sleeping in.

2. Napping.

3. Going to my friends' classes.

4. Grading and planning some stuff. I have to write that small because I really haven't been doing all that much of that. 

5. Convincing other people that they don't need to do their homework / study / go to bed early because playing with and / or feeding me is much more important. I am the worst. 

6. Going to Cornbelly's. What's that, you say? Wellllll just my [fourth] favorite place on Earth! After, you know, like Disney World, and the temple, and my house.....Pictures coming soon!

7. Going to a Halloween party all dressed up with the roommates!

Left to right: Minnie Mouse, Pocahontas, Tangled, Alice in Wonderland, Snow White

As you can see, the Jew joined us! She came to town this weekend and pretty soon, I will be venturing over to her hood for even more fun times :)

8. Eating at the Cannon Center with some studly biceps.

9. Consorting with famous authors. NBD (aka, VBD) but I shook hands with him and rode in a car with him and chatted with him and just, you know, spilled the Starbucks that I got just for hanging out with him on my new blue pants about it, but whatever. #famouspeoplepantsfail

10. Ate my heart out for the annual birthday lunch at Tucano's!

11. Re-discovered the Fall Waffle at the Awful Waffle.....why is this list almost entirely about food.....

12. Spent the night in Snowbird in this swanky little place that I'm obsessed with, with some roommates, a hot tub, some romantic music, and about 40 cookies.

13. Watched House at the End of the Street again. For the record, it is at least as scary in the drive-in as it is in the real people theater.

14. Watched Casper for the first time! Watching movies has just become my favorite thing recently.....totally not sure why, but yep. That's just what happens when you go off-track, kids.

15. Carved a punkin! You have to say it like that: punkin. Or else you basically hate Halloween.

16. Made about 5069 punkin seeds. And they are the most bomb-amazing punkin seeds you have ever tasted, ever.

Recipe:

1. Get all your seeds rinsed off.
2. Boil seeds in salt water (2 cups water for every 1/2 cup seeds, 1/2 tsp salt for every cup water).
3. Simmer for 10 minutes.
4. Drain.
6. Put olive oil on a cookie sheet. Spread it around. Put the seeds on top.
7. Sprinkle with lemon pepper seasoning and onion seasoning. And some more salt if you don't care about your cholesterol.
8. Bake at 400* for about 10 minutes. When you hear popping, they are getting close!
9. Show off your talents to all your friends who previously hated punkin seeds. Like me, until I was converted with this very recipe!

Peace out, Provo! Don't worry, I'll be back in time to fit in 2 more Halloween parties. Which is convenient, since I have 5 more costumes for this year that I haven't worn yet.

Tutu

I had the best birthday ever!

I know I said this last year, and two years ago, and the year before that as well. But I really mean it, every time.

This year's birthday started the night before my actual birthday with a trip to the movies. We watched "House at the End of the Street" and basically had the theater to ourselves. Just me, 5 of the best roommates ever, a blanket, and some (homemade) popcorn.

I normally have a very low tolerance for scary movies. Here are my rules for scary movies:

-They can't be toooo scary.
-They can't be Satanic.
-They can't be gross, like gory.
-They can't be not scary at all.
-There has to be a hot guy
-...and he can't die. Well actually he can, I just prefer that he doesn't.
-There has to be a happy ending.
-There has to be some humor.
-Not a huge fan of children in scary movies. I don't like when children are the villains, I don't like when they are the victims, and I don't like when they are both villain and victim (like if they are possessed or something). 

So you see, my pool of watchable scary movies is a very limited one. It includes "What Lies Beneath," "Wait Until Dark," "Disturbia," "The Goonies," and now "House at the End of the Street." Yeah. It made my very exclusive list. We're going to go watch it again when it comes to the dolla theater.

Birthday continued with the apartment decorated so cutely with streamers and balloons and post-its by my wonderful roommates who woke up before I did. They also made my a bomb breakfast of hootenanny pancakes and decorated my car with streamers and balloons and window marker :)

I had an all-day seminar instead of regular class, but they fed me breakfast and lunch and 4 snacks throughout the day, so I can't complain. Plus I was allowed to wear jeans and I had time after the meeting to get Carbaby safety and emissions tested, and she passed with flying colors, and someone whistled at me as I was walking in the store (!!!) and I ended up getting home 2 hours earlier than I usually do and hence, got a perfect parking spot....so there really is nothing to complain about here.

Shannon teaches piano and her students had their recital today, so the roommates and I went to that. We are so supportive :) Her kids were all in costumes for Halloween and it was adorable, and we got treats afterwards, and it also reminded me that I still want to learn how to play the ukulele.

After this artistic appreciation, we went to the Garden of Olives to appreciate some art of the edible variety! I am obsessed with OG breadsticks and salad and everything else. Besides an unwanted unexpected visitor, we had a lovely, fat time.

Unfortunately, Winnie and Tara couldn't be in this picture because they stood a mile away from the rest of us. Haha

And thennn we went home for some more love and fat! Caitlin organized a party and a bunch of people came over for cake and ice cream. I have the best friends a girl could ask for!

Friends from Freshman year came :)

Friends from waaaay before freshman year came :)

Delly came :)

Cute boys came,,,,,

And put candles on my cake :)

It was a good day, kids. More people were there too....which means there are more pictures coming. You know how I do. UPDATE: No more pictures to look forward to! Any pictures that ever will be up, are currently up. Don't worry, it's still Birthday Month.

If Only

This morning, being the slightly narcissistic person that I am, I made my second-graders write in their journals about me. Specifically, what they would give me for my birthday if they could give me anything in the world.

Don't judge me. I like birthdays. Especially my own.

Here are some of my favorite responses:

 

Translation: "OK Miss Connor, what do you want for your birthday ooo I know what you want for your birthday a toaster ya that's what you want ooo wait. I know what you want a mug ya that's what you want wait. I know what you want you want two mugs ya that's what you want!"

 

 Translation: "If I could give Miss Connor anything. It would be a brand-new car. And a flat screen tv. And that's what I would get Miss Connor."

 

Translation: "If I had to give Miss Connor something in the whole wide world I would give her a new car and a new house! I would give you one hundred and three fish."

Translation: "Since tomorrow is Miss Connor's bday I would give her a birthday card and a craft, a good craft, and after her bday maybe a 100 dollar bill. Oh she would like that a lot. No make that 100 dollar bill into a 100 million dollar bill. That would be better."

 

Translation: "If I could give Miss Connor a present I would give her a note and a watch and pencils and pens."

 

Translation: "The present I would give her is a dog and a boyfriend and a cat and fish."

Translation: "It would be a fish and it would be a beta it would be with a fish bowl."

And my personal favorite.....

 

Translation: "If I could give Miss Connor anything in the world it would be a cute boyfriend and he would have a cute car. And she would always bring him in and at lunch and kiss and kiss and kiss all day long the end."

Like Winnie the Pooh? But Better

There was this one time, two years ago, when all the bachelors in Utah got lucky.

Or 25 of them at least. Originally it was only supposed to be 21 bachelors, but it ended up being 25-ish. Why did they get lucky all at once, you ask? It's because they happened to know a girl named Christine, and she happened to plan a great surprise for her friend's 21st birthday. And that surprise involved Winnie stepping into a dark room and being surprised by a party that was attended by 21 smokin' hot men who handed her a rose, one by one, and kissed her.

There were supposed to be 21, but like I said before, there ended up being 25-ish. They basically begged to be included, and Christine didn't want to exclude anyone. This might seem surprising to some people in Provo, since not every girl has a boy clamoring after her for a kiss, much less 25. But the better you get to know Winnie, the less surprising it is.

We were babies when we met. BABIES I tell you. There we were, fresh-faced and bushy-tailed, sitting on the grass for freshman orientation. Who could have known then that over the course of our freshman year.....

1. I would spend approximately 3 nights every week sleeping on Winnie's couch instead of my own bed, which was a whole floor away from Winnie's apartment. 

2. We would make friends with some lovely people who we are still friends with today. 

3. We would go to a preference dance that we creatively asked boys to. 

4. We would get our Tucano's free meal cards in the mail at the same time, which would start a glorious tradition of us going to Tucano's for lunch on a weekend close to our birthdays.

5. We would both buy each other ice cream on account of some exciting first kisses. 

6. We would eat lunch together almost err day. We would also eat lots of other meals together. Like every time we had a test coming up and we had to study, so naturally we would eat instead.....

7. She would act as mediator during some interesting interactions with the roommates. We would design a peace pipe made of a paper towel roll and some scrapbook paper for this interaction. We would also come wearing these homemade headbands. 

8. We would be rewarded for the hours we spent mentoring elementary-schoolers with a tour of the football stadium and locker room. We would be more excited about this tour than the elementary-schoolers we were mentoring. 

 

 9. We would cuddle. At least, that's what some people would call what you see happening in that picture below....

 10.We would develop a greater appreciation for animals, like the ones we would visit in the Bean Museum. Also, like Cosmo the Cougar.

11. We would become such good friends that she would come and visit me on the East Coast that summer! During which trip, we would go to DC, NYC, New Jersey (on accident), and Baltimore.

12.  We would continue to party like (Mormon) rock stars when we were sophomores and juniors in college. We thought we would grow up after freshman year.

....but we only kind of did.

 13. We would turn into men for a night. 

 14. At some point, we would also turn into a genie and a shawty, respectively.

15.  We would take a week off from real life with some other friends from freshman year. Instead of going to classes or work, we would spend it in Vegas and California, sampling sodas from around the world, posing by palm trees, celebrating the wonderful Walt Disney, and soaking up the sun. 

Don't worry. We wouldn't feel any remorse about it. 

It's not often that you find someone who will be such a good friend as Winnie is. She is loyal and funny and thoughtful. She is a hard worker, but she makes time to have fun. She gives such good advice, and even when she says "I told you so," it's not mean. 

She wears cute clothes and her hairs always look good and I think her only fault is that her feet are not the same size as mine, so I can't borrow her shoes. And you know that's sad, because they are always cute.

She learns from her experiences. She has ambition and gumption. She is probably going to be the president one day. Whenever I'm hanging out with her and my dad calls, he tells me how great he thinks she is. Also, Nicole does the same thing.

So on behalf of my dad, Nicole, Chuck Bass, those 25 boys, and of course, myself: Happy birthday, Winnie! I hope it was the best day ever :)

A Jolly Good Fellow

Four days ago, I was settling down for a responsible, early-to-bed kind of weekend, hoping that if I could just master going to bed at a decent hour for two days in a row, I would be all ready for school to start on Monday.

Four days ago, my early-to-bed weekend plans were shot when I received an invitation to attend President Monson's birthday celebration.

Which I accepted.

Ah-hobviously.

It was a very swanky to-do, meaning that it took place at the Conference Center in Salt Lake and you had to be dressed up to attend.

There was an opera singer, some Broadway singers, an ex-TV lady, an ex-football player, and of course, the guest of honor:

He waved at me. You know I'm pumped about that. 

Dear President Monson,

There are many things I love about you.....You have a winning smile. I can picture you teasing your wife, Frances. Your talks never fail to amuse and touch. You wiggle your ears and stick out your tongue. You are kind of like the Princess Diana of us Mormons - pre-divorce of course, or at least pre-car accident. Everyone loves you. 

But you know what I love most about you?

I love that I felt sad when President Hinckley died. He had been my prophet. You were nice too, but I wasn't too sure about you, if I'm being honest. 

Then you came to BYU to give a devotional. I wiggled into the closest seat I could find. You walked in and we all stood. We sat. You gave your devotional. You said, "I invoke His blessings upon you, in this crowded audience," and I've never forgotten it. Someone prayed. 

You stood to walk out. You made it to the tunnel where the basketball team runs in every time there is a game. You waved. You reached up and shook someone's hand, and then another person's. Two little girls leaned over the railing, waving little notes they had written. You reached up and took the notes, shook their hands, and then walked out through the tunnel. 

I love that the cameras didn't catch it, but I did. I love that that was the moment when I knew that you were the prophet for this day. 

Happy birthday, Thomas S.!

Awkward Turtle

Life can get a little awkward when……….

- You go to an elementary school (where you are supposed to be a teacher) and happen to be wearing the same skirt as one of the students.

-Someone asks how you and this boy know each other and the boy in question quickly replies “We flirt in church.”

-You go to buy a car and learn all about the dealer, including, but not limited to: his conversion to the church, the story of his move from Iran to America, how many kids are in his family, the life story of his favorite son, the story of the time he switched careers from making crowns and bridges for teeth to selling cars, his political leanings…..

-You can’t even bring yourself to smile at the people working at FedEx because that place is a joke and you feel a little bit like they are waxing your nostrils with duct tape because of how much everything costs.

-Sooomebody has to stand up and say how great of a game kissing rugby is, and no one else steps up to the plate, so it ends up being you. And then you’re that girl.

-You tell a few people that you are considering going back to your old ward this upcoming Sunday, and every last one of them responds: “Oh, there are no cute boys in your new ward?”

-And you have to admit that no, there are not.


-You have a dream that you are serving a mission and your mission president's wife is giving a presentation to welcome you to the mission, and she announces that Matt Damon is in the boundaries of the mission, and he loves the missionaries, so feel free to get rides with him whenever, but don't kiss him. She goes on, "It is soooo hard not to kiss him. But don't do it. My gosh. It's, like really hard." And then all the other sister missionaries turn to you and nod and confirm that it is so hard not to kiss him. 

-Also, Arie was supposed to be going to your mission, too, but he broke his leg right before. So that's a bummer. 

-You have to tell a dealer that you don’t want their car, and you find yourself channeling your inner Emily Maynard in the hopes that you will be able to break up with the dealer as gracefully as she broke up with 24 guys.

-You call your mom every day at the same time to ask her to get you un-lost again.

-You seriously consider going to the dollar theater to watch “The Lucky One” by yourself, since your Zac Efron fan friend is currently in a different state and your other friends expressed specific disdain for the fact that he won some Teen Choice Awards.

But for real, how could you find fault with this?

-You watch Toddlers and Tiaras and it has the opposite of the intended effect on you. As in, you watch it and kind of want to put your children in pageants….

-Someone txts you "Be there in a sex."

-The next day, someone else txts you "Ok, see you in a sex."

-Both someones are immediately horrified and correct themselves. Both someones get a txt from you that says, "I'm sexcited!" because you are convinced that it wasn't only funny the first time and that this is a joke that is okay to repeat with different audiences.

-You fill out a damage sheet for the apartment you just moved into, which is the same apartment you painted 2 years ago, and in the spot where it asks about whether the walls are white or painted, you not only list the colors of all the walls but also compliment them.

-You go to buy 50 composition notebooks, 25 pencil boxes, 25 highlighters, 50 colored pens, 30 dry erase markers, 25 desk name tags, 50 boxes of crayons, 60 erasers, 48 glue sticks, and 100 folders at Walmart, and the cashier asks: "Are you a teacher?"

-And you respond, "No, I just have a lot of kids." 

-And for a second, he looks like he believes you.

-You txt a friend and accidentally ask what time "Capture the Fag" is going to start.

-You meet the worst boy ever at the pool, and he is the really persistent kind who keeps trying to talk to you and your friends, despite your blatantly rude body language that clearly says "don't talk to me, in fact would you please go crawl into a hole because that's how annoying you are...."

-You go to a baseball game and are told by the little girl sitting in front of you “Okay, I won’t lick your legs. But they sure do look tasty!”

-You go to the bank to deposit a check like an adult and the banker goes to shake your hand and asks what your name is, and you have to shift everything you're holding to the other hand and pull the lollipop out of your mouth to answer, and you realize that no amount of check-depositing will truly make you into an adult. 

-You and your sister make cupcakes for a friend for her birthday. They are the best cupcakes ever. Then, you don't know where she lives, so you just eat a couple while you wait on getting her address.

-On a possibly related note, you learn, through personal experience, that it is indeed possible to eat 18 cupcakes in 5 days. By yourself. 

And finally, it can get a little awkward when all the things on this list are actually the little things that make your life really enjoyable :)