Smooth Move, Ferguson

Here's the thing about me: I love The Bachelor(ette). I love watching all those guys / girls compete for the love of one woman / man. But I have never had any interest in taking part of such a competition. (Except for that one time when I had a lapse of judgment and almost tried out to be on the show.) So, with that in mind.....

Dear Boy,

Thank you for the invite. I'm sure the other girl was just as excited when you invited her as I was when you invited me. It's kind of cute the way you thought that would be a good idea.

I guess I should apologize for the way I so blatantly refused to play along. I'm sorry that I can count the number of times I spoke to you on one hand. I'm sorry that when I told you I was bringing some friends, I forgot to mention that most of them were boys. I'm sorry that I enjoyed talking to them infinitely more than I enjoyed talking to you. I'm sorry that I didn't look your way whenever you had a supposed-to-be-funny outburst. That must have been frustrating for you, or at least a little annoying.

We all sometimes wish that we were The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette. There's something really exciting about the idea of a bunch of people all vying for your affection. And I'm sorry you didn't get to live that dream like you maybe were hoping. It just doesn't work as well when one of the competitors refuses to compete.

But it was fun.....really. Here's hoping that you have a happy semester, Boy. May your judgment improve dramatically.

Sincerely,
Me.

PS: Lest you think that this was the only mistake you made: Strike one was when you failed to impress my friends. Strike two was when you hated on One Direction. Suchhh a bad choice.