For the art center this week, I've cut out a bunch of colorful feathers on which my students are supposed to write things they are grateful for. Today, I was going through, taping them on the turkey and reading what everyone was grateful for.
There were the typical answers: family, dad, Earth, my teacher, food, school, etc. And then I came across this one:
"Don't eat me!"
and this one:
"Love me!"
I think it's fair to say that C didn't quite understand the assignment.....but I put his feathers on the turkey anyway. You know why? Because turkeys need love, just like everybody else. If I could, I would put a feather just like that one on Selena Gomez, and another one on Justin Bieber.
Because I just need to say that I heard (2 days after the fact!) that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are, in fact, broken up.
Why would you ever break this up??
What?? Just because Emily and Jef did it, that doesn't mean it's cool!
I am more upset about this than the logical part of me really thinks is reasonable. I take these things pretty personally.
As in, I am still not quite over the fact that Ryan Phillipe cheated on Reese Witherspoon, what, 10 years ago?
And she is all happily remarried and he's still a sub-par actor whose fame probably peaked with the notoriety of his infidelity, so Reese clearly won and I clearly shouldn't still be upset about it, but whatever.
If JP and Ashley try to follow this trend I swear I will take a personal day about it.
Here's the thing about me: I love The Bachelor(ette). I love watching all those guys / girls compete for the love of one woman / man. But I have never had any interest in taking part of such a competition. (Except for that one time when I had a lapse of judgment and almost tried out to be on the show.) So, with that in mind.....
Dear Boy,
Thank you for the invite. I'm sure the other girl was just as excited when you invited her as I was when you invited me. It's kind of cute the way you thought that would be a good idea.
I guess I should apologize for the way I so blatantly refused to play along. I'm sorry that I can count the number of times I spoke to you on one hand. I'm sorry that when I told you I was bringing some friends, I forgot to mention that most of them were boys. I'm sorry that I enjoyed talking to them infinitely more than I enjoyed talking to you. I'm sorry that I didn't look your way whenever you had a supposed-to-be-funny outburst. That must have been frustrating for you, or at least a little annoying.
We all sometimes wish that we were The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette. There's something really exciting about the idea of a bunch of people all vying for your affection. And I'm sorry you didn't get to live that dream like you maybe were hoping. It just doesn't work as well when one of the competitors refuses to compete.
But it was fun.....really. Here's hoping that you have a happy semester, Boy. May your judgment improve dramatically.
Sincerely,
Me.
PS: Lest you think that this was the only mistake you made: Strike one was when you failed to impress my friends. Strike two was when you hated on One Direction. Suchhh a bad choice.
I just went to a seminar on Saturday that was about not confusing preferences with fundamentals. The speaker said we should never teach preferences as fundamentals, but we should also never teach fundamentals as preferences. Think about it for a second. Feel the enlightenment wash over you.
Here are some other things you should never do, with regards to mix-ups:
-Mistake the mix-in brownies for free samples of brownies at Coldstone. You won't be the first one if you do, and you probably won't be the last, but we'll still look at you like the only one who ever even thought about doing such a thing.
-Mistake expectations / standards with relationship mind games. You don't need to play games, necessarily, but you do need to have expectations. Sometimes people don't have expectations and it's weird.
-Mistake a CTR ring for a wedding ring.
-Mistake wasabi for guacamole.
-Similarly, you should try not to mistake neosporin for whipped cream when you put it on your finger and realize you have too much and then before you have time to wipe it off, someone offers you a piece of pie and you gratefully accept and eat your whole piece of pie, all the while gingerly holding your finger away from your pie, until the end, when you have forgotten about the neosporin and only remember the delicious pie that you were just fed and you think that is whipped cream on your finger and you eat it and then get really worried that you're going to die.
-Mistake run-on sentences for well-developed ideas.
-Mistake friendliness with flirtiness. Also vice versa. Both mistakes can be embarrassing....for both parties.
-Mistake Jimmer for Obama. Not sure who did that....
-On that note, you should never mistake Faith Hill for Oprah Winfrey. Even if the lighting is weird in the picture. Also not sure who did that. Once. When I was like 12. Whatever.
-Mistake girls who are hard to get with girls who are playing hard to get. One time a guy accused my sister's roommate of playing hard to get, and my sister said, "Maybe we're not playing. Maybe we just are hard to get."
-Mistake busyness for standoffishness. There's no need to get all miffed if the girl you are interested in is kind of hard to get ahold of, or hard to get a date with. She's probably not a heartless bee who is surely playing you. Maybe she's just really awesome :)
-Mistake a guy and a girl who are really good friends for a couple. A wedding isn't the only excuse to buy a suit, even though it is a good one.
-Mistake Courtney for someone who is sweet and genuine.
Real Courtney.
Fake Courtney!!
And finally, please don't:
-Mistake Ben for a really awesome, clever, to-die-for gentleman. He is a clown. His hair is a sin. He looks like Francine. From Arthur.
And on that note about ineligible bachelors, here is a wonderful song:
If you get the dictionary.com Word of the Day, you know that there is also a Quote of the Day. Today's quote was:
"Tremble: your whole life is a rehearsal for the moment you are in now." -Judith Malina
I don't know if I really believe that I should tremble. But you know who should? Courtney! Because we're about to start a blog about her. And all of the other lovely ladies on the Bachelor. And of course, the Bachelor himself. This season is already well underway, so the rest of the season will be a sort of rehearsal for the blog. We'll be experimenting with lots of different ideas and if all goes well, we'll be back for the Bachelorette!
Tremble, Courtney. Tremble, Ben. You good dad, you. Kacie B. - you probably don't have to tremble. We're on your team :)
Today I was walking around campus. A girl was walking in front of me, talking on her phone. I was thinking about homework, but my ears perked up when I heard her say "Courtney."
Courtney is a girl on The Bachelor. I am a girl who is obsessed with the Bachelor, so I had to listen.
Phone Girl said, "Well, he took Courtney on a date last week."
Bachelor fan? I think so. I continued listening.
"You know, Courtney? She has, like, brown hair?"
Brown hair: check.
"Yeah, so anyway, he took Courtney on a date last week and this week - "
I instantly felt panicked. I hadn't watched The Bachelor from this week yet! What was I doing, listening to this conversation? Phone Girl was going to spoil something! Should I start running in the opposite direction? Hum loudly as I rush past her? Snatch the phone out of her hands and tell her to knock it off??
I did none of those things. I stood frozen in place.
Phone Girl said, " - and this week, she was all mad because he hasn't txted her yet."
My brain got confused.
Phone Girl said, "That's what I said! I was like, Courtney. Did you txt him to thank him for the date? And she hadn't! She was all, That's his job. And I'm like, No, Courtney. It's only polite for you to txt the boy after the date if you had fun. Like, I always do."
I guess there is more than one Courtney in the world. And apparently, one of them lives in Provo, Utah and went on a date last week.
