I could really use a wish right now.....

Today I got on an airplane and left the state of Utah, not to return for the next 6 months. I'm actually shocked that made it on the airplane in the first place. Here's a kind of summary of my trip:

Last night, about 9:30: I finally decide to start packing. It was incredibly daunting, since I won't be coming back until June, so I basically had to pack my entire life. I don't know how, but I somehow managed to pack 120 lbs of absolute necessities into two suitcases, another 35 lbs in my carry-on bag, and probably another 15 lbs in backpack that I didn't weigh. The rest of my stuff fit nicely into 6 boxes that I am leaving in Utah. I am seriously confused about where I got so much stuff and how I ever fit all of it under my bed.

Dear stuff,

Where did you come from? Why have you chosen to attach yourself to me so insistently? Please get out of my life. ......Oh no wait, don't go! I might need you someday!

Love,

Heather

Today, 8:00 am: Wake up so I can be ready to leave at 8:30. My flight was at 12:40, but I wanted to visit Jake's family before I had to leave.

9:30 am: Kelly and Dahl pick me up and we drive to Lindon.

9:50 am: We arrive at Jake's house and get to visit for a little bit. Halli made us pancakes, which was so nice, especially since I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Dahl took the car to get the oil changed, since it was making a weird sound and he didn't want to have to replace the engine.

10:40 am: We say goodbye to the Crafts and head towards the airport.

10:45 am: Dad txts me to ask if I am at the airport. I say no, we are just leaving Lindon. He says that we better hurry, since my flight is at 12:05.

10:46 am: Panic.

10:47 am: Feel better because there is literally no traffic. We are making excellent time!

11:15 am: See the signs for the airport. Rejoice that the traffic has been so spectacular.

11:16 am: Pull into the drop off area. Drive past the Southwest drop off because every car in the state of Utah is parked there. Pull up to Jet Blue's drop off and get out of the car. Dahl helps me get my suitcases out and we run inside.

11:17 am: Walk past a huge line. Feel sorry for the people that have to wait in it. Walk past bag check stations for two other airlines and come to Southwest's bag check station. Realize with a sinking feeling that this line is your line.

Dear all the residents of Utah,

Why did you decide to fly at the exact same time and on the exact same airline as me? Our schedules can never be this similar again. Let's coordinate a little better next time.

Yours,

Heather

11:19 Accidentally say a bad word. Quickly wonder if anyone heard and look around for people who might be judging me. Realize that I have bigger problems. Feel panicky.

11:20 The following conversation ensues:

Dahl: This is your line. You have to get in line with someone.

Me: But....I don't know anyone in this line!

Dahl: You have to flirt with someone. Here....flirt with these boys and get in line with them.

Me: What!? No, I can't do that.

Dahl: You have to. You'll miss your flight if you don't.

Me: Maybe we can ask a security guard.....

Dahl: They won't help. Talk to these boys. Look, go flirt with them.

Me: I can't, I can't! What about him? Can I flirt with him? (I pointed to a kind of insecure looking boy in a hat, thinking he would not be brave enough to send me unsympathetically to the back of the line. Dahl was wanting me to flirt with some college boys who were wearing ski hats and looked way more confident. Dahl shook his head and pointed me back to the skiers.)

Dahl: I gotta go Heather. Give me a hug.

Me: Wait....Dahl where are you going?

Dahl: I have to go trade places with Kelly so she can come say goodbye to you.

Me: What....what do I say?

Dahl: Just ask what time their flight is. You can do it.

Me: I can't!

Dahl: See you later, Heather.

Me: Ok....okaaaay byyyye, thanks Dahl.

And then he walked off, leaving me with three suitcases, a backpack, and a rapidly sinking heart.

I made eye contact with one of the boys. "What time is your guys flight?" I asked. I felt awful about what I was doing and right after asking this question, my face spasmed into a worried expression.

Dear self,

Please learn how to flirt in a more carefree manner. And on that note,

Dear face,

Please do not spasm when I am trying to flirt to accomplish a purpose.

Sincerely,

Heather

"Uhhh, ours is at.....12:35? Yeah. 12:35."

"Ohhh," I said, looking at the clock.

"What time is yours?" he asked.

"12:05," I said. My face involuntarily spasmed again.

"Ooooh," both of the boys said together.

"Mine too!" said the lady standing behind them. "Are you going to Denver?"

"No, I'm going to Baltimore," I said. Then, talking to the skier again, I said, "Do you think I could like....get in line with you guys? Is that okay?"

He looked around and then said, "If no one sees, sure," and scooted up in line, smiling.

I think I almost started crying, I was so relieved. I grabbed my suitcases and scooted in right behind him.

11:30 am: Kelly comes in and sees me in the line. "Whoa, how did you get so far in line??" she asked loudly. I could feel a million eyes belonging to people I had just butted turn to look at me. I cleared my throat and said, "Hi Kelly. Do you want to come stand by me?" She nodded, considering the line. "Okay. But that's crazy, how did you get there so fast?" Pulling her in line with me, I quickly explained that the really nice boys in front of me just let me get in line with them. I tried to talk loudly enough so the boys in front of me would know how much I appreciated them, without anyone behind me hearing and getting mad.

Dear people behind me,

I'm sorry I butted you. I know that you had flights to make, too, and I should have gotten to the airport sooner. Thank you thank you thank you for being so nice and understanding! (Or just for keeping your annoyance to yourself.) It was awfully Christmas spirity of you.

All my gratitude,

Heather

11:32 am: Kelly leaves me in the line. I don't want to talk about it.

Dear sister,

Ytb! Ily s m f. Ty f b m t t ap t m!

Love,

Heather

11:35 am: I make it to the front of the line! A nice flight lady with a Christmas sweater helps me print off my boarding pass and weighs my bags. One bag is 63 lbs, and the other is 57. I ask if I can just be charged for one bag being overweight, but she says no, I have to put 7 lbs from the smaller bag into the heavier one. I start switching things around.

11:40 am: I have two suitcases, one that is 69 lbs and one that is 51. The Southwest worker winks at me and says that is fine. I pay for the extra weight and take one of my bags over to the little conveyor belt where you leave your bags with the security officers.

11:41 am: Take my second bag to the same place. Look around for the skiers so I can kiss them, and feel a little sad when I don't see them.

Dear skier boys,

You saved my life today! I would never have made my flight if it were not for you. Thank you for being so nice even when my face spasmed twice in our conversation. If you ever see me again, I owe you.

Gratefully,

Heather

11:43 am: Get in the mile-long line for security. Realize that there is no one I can butt this time. Panic. Txt Dad saying I am going to miss my flight. Almost flip out when the girl in front of me is met by her boyfriend and they start making out and he is not cute enough for her. Realize that I am being irrational. Suddenly get bombarded by 4 txts from Dad, who is also freaking out.

11:47 am: Get ready to send my things through the scanners. Take off my coat and boots and take my laptop out of my backpack. Feel sick because my flight is surely boarding right at this minute.

11:50 am: Get to the front of the security line. Throw everything in the plastic bins and run to the scanner. Look a little over-eager when I jump in the scanner.

11:51 am: A security guard lady asks me if I have anything in my pockets to hold it in my hands. I pull out my cards and hold them in one hand. I remember my bobby pins in my other pocket and pull them out too. The security guard remembers that she forgot to re-calibrate her machine. I have to step out while she pushes some buttons.

11:52 am: The machine is ready! I jump back in and get scanned. The security guard asks me to wait on a mat until she gets confirmation that I am not a terrorist. I stand on the mat, kind of dancing around.

Dear people who are concerned about TSA full-body scans,

I would just like to re-direct your energy to the outrageous lines at the airport. This is a real problem that is of greater concern to me than the full-body scanners.

Cordially,

Heather

11:55 am: I am cleared and allowed off the mat. I throw on my coat, shove my feet into my boots, grab my backpack and my rolling carry-on bag and start towards the escalator.

11:56 am: I run back to the table for my laptop, which I accidentally left.

11:57 am: Kelly calls me. I abruptly end the call as I run towards my gate, B22.

Dear Gate B22,

I really think you and Security need to make up and move back to being closer to one another. This long-distance relationship isn't working. I know I'm just a third party, not really involved in the relationship, but did you know that there are 2 escalators and 21 terminals between you two? Please work on fixing this, because it has started to affect other people who want to see both of you at the same time.

Respectfully,

Heather

11:58 am: Run past gates B1-B10.

11:59 am: Run past a Santa Claus taking pictures with a huge crowd of people. Feel annoyed that everyone in the crowd seems to want to get in your way.

12:00 noon: Keep running. Panic.

12:01: Consider stopping off at another one of the gates to ask a worker to call my gate and tell them that I am on my way and to please wait for me. Decide that there is no time for that. Keep running.

12:02: Wonder why I had to go up an escalator if now I am just going down one to get to my terminal.

12:04: Somehow arrive at gate B22. See that the door is open still. Wonder if I may have actually made it. The lady checking boarding passes called out to me as I got closer, "Are you Heather?" "Yes!" I said, relieved to be there. She smiled at me and gestured through the door. "Go right on in!" she said.

Dear stewardess lady,

You are the kindest ever. I wish I had given you a hug, too.

Sincerely,

Heather

12:05: Walk down the aisle until I see an open seat in the middle of a grandpa and a high school boy. The grandpa winked at me and pointed to the seat in the middle of their row. I ask if there is room in their overhead bin. Just as I had been hoping would happen, the high school boy offered to put my bags up for me. I gladly accept. Once I am seated, the grandpa leans forward and says to the high school boy next to me, "You can pay me later."

12:10 We depart! And I am actually on the plane.

Feelings

Feelings are a funny thing. They don't always correspond exactly with the things that happen to you. In fact, sometimes the most wonderful things can happen to you and it just makes you feel horrible. Feelings aren't very easy to predict, it seems. Feelings also are very determined to make you feel however they want, no matter what else happens to you. Sometimes that's a good thing, but sometimes I would just rather my feelings stay out of it, thanks.

Time is another funny thing. Everyone perceives time differently. Some minutes take years, and some years take only a few minutes before they are over. One time, my brother Joseph was 8 years old for about 3 years. It was ridiculous! And everyone in my family remembers this. It took forever for him to turn 9. Now he's 13 (ehm. I think?) and I don't even knoww what happened to him being 11. Until these kinks in the system have been worked out, I'm going to have to conclude that we as humans have very crude methods for telling time.

But while we're talking about time, I think it would be worthwhile to mention that one year ago today, Jake took me on our first date together, to go rock-climbing at the Quarry. That was pretty fun, I think :)

PS Here are my new favorite songs:

Listen to the lyrics. They are the most wonderful thing I ever heard.

My Recipe for Happiness

I had the best. Day ever yesterday. Looking back on it, it was a pretty mediocre day. But I felt so insatiably happy for almost every single second of it. Therefore, I am now going to compose a list of all the things that happened yesterday that made me happy. I figure if I do this, I will be able to pinpoint all of the things that make me most happy and then it'll be a little like I've discovered my own personal recipe for happiness!

When I was a senior in high school, I did a year-long research project on Abraham Maslow's theory, which basically states that there are 5 different categories of needs, and if a person has all of their needs met in one category, they will move on to the next level and try to have those needs met. From the most basic needs on up, the categories are: physiological (having enough to eat and drink and enough time to sleep, etc.), safety (having stability in your life and routine), emotional (gaining the approval and acceptance of others), esteem (feeling good about yourself), and self-actualization (doing things just because you want to do them, not because you need to for any reason). I am going to put everything happy from yesterday in one of these categories just to see if all of my needs were met.

1. I got an email from Jake! Of courseee this made me happy. So, okay, I'm going to put this under two categories: safety and emotional. (Safety isn't really as drastic as it sounds. I just get an email every Wednesday so it's apart of my routine, so every week that I get an email, the security I feel in that routine is reinforced.) So okay, those needs were met.

2. Owen took a long nap. Which is always so nice. Poor Owen, he had a huge doctor's appointment earlier this week and they gave him an anesthesia to put him down for whatever tests they had to do. He came back all loopy and tired and he hasn't been hungry since then. I've tried feeding him throughout the day but he has only eaten a few puffs, a couple handfuls of cheerios, and about a jars worth of baby food from me from Monday afternoon to Wednesday evening. Aside from being sluggish on Monday, he has been happy and alert and hasn't seemed to wantt food, although he has started drinking juice and milk like a champ. Anyway this isn't a doctor's report, so back to his long nap. I think this belongs under physiological. Since Owen's naptime is my naptime :-) and I need my sleep. Like, holy cow. Sometimes my day revolves around naptime a little bit.

3. I got a letter from Jake!!! This never happens on Wednesday! He only writes me on P-day, so I get an email and then the letter usually arrives on either Friday or Saturday. Occasionally it'll be really late and arrive on Monday, but typically, I only hear from him two days a week. I guess this would go in the emotional category, but I just want to say it's a surprise. Surprises make me happy.

4. Winnie texted me and told me a really funny story. I don't think she thought it was as funny as I did. But I laughed when I read her txt. It didn't have anything to do with me, but I'm going to say that belongs in the esteem category. Just because when your only contact with people for several hours of the day is the two kids you babysit, it's nice to know that you still have friends, and it's easy to know that when they txt you random little tidbits that you thoroughly enjoy.

5. I had a, ehm, fantasticcc day at telemarketing. After nannying I went home, got dressed in nicer clothes, ate dinner, and drove down to telemarketing. I called lots of people and I set up two good appointments, and even though this sounds pretty boring, when I make appointments, I feel great. I get paid hourly and by appointment, and when I don't make any appointments, I feel incompetent and undeserving of the money I am paid just to be there. I guess I will say that this goes under the category of esteem, because I would get paid whether I made the appointments or not, but I feel better about myself because I did make them.

6. I shaved my legs. Today is Thursday and I do telemarketing all day on Thursdays, so I have to dress up. Otherwise it's just me and Dave in the office and I hate dressing up just for Dave. Especially since none of the customers can see me...I mean, I'm talking to them over the phone. But on Thursday, I see my boss, and the agents come in and out, and I have to look professional. I like to wear skirts on Thursdays, so I had to shave my legs. I like having a reason to dress up and look nice. This summer has been kind of frustrating in that way because I am nannying all day, and Malan and Owen don't care what I look like, so why should I care? Then I go to telemarketing, and I feel about this much need to impress Dave. So the only times I really try to make myself look nice are when I hang out with people my age, which is every Sunday and random days throughout the week. Anyway, my legs. I did a really good job this time. When I was done I watched Rush Hour with my sisters and TJ (a frequent visitor now) and I just kept touching my legs the whole time because they were so smooth haha :) This will probably go in the esteem category. No one else really cared. Just me.

7. I exercised. It was like midnight, and I found myself getting ready for bed. Deciding quickly that this was entirely too early, and noting that Kelly was still not ready herself, I started doing some little exercises in the living room. Just, you know, toe touches, and squats, and a few crunches, and some plies. I really like exercising. I feel sore today, which I love! I just feel like soreness validates what I did. Maybe this goes under physiological needs, since everyone needs to exercise, but it could also be esteem. I feel better about myself when I exercise.

8. I ate Belgian waffles with syrup and cool whip, standing on the table bench in my kitchen at midnight. I just wanted to. I was a little hungry, but my main motivation for doing that was because I just thought they would be good and I wanted to do it. The minutes I spent in that kitchen I will definitely classify as self-actualization.

Nicole and Julie joined me in the kitchen and we just chatted and pranced around, eating and laughing, just being sisters. True to form, Dad came in to put an end to all the nonsense going on in his house. He told Nicole and Julie that they had to go to bed because they slept in until 1:00 in the afternoon today and that was unacceptable and blablabla. Right when he said this, they both earnestly protested, "I was up at 9:30....." to which my poor father had no response. Which, I'm assuming, means it was true, but he just didn't want to say so. His point still stood! He wanted them in bed. I guess we were all feeling really silly after watching Rush Hour, and when Dad turned to Julie to reprimand her for her sleeping habits, Nicole suddenly shouted, "Huh-DAD!" and then started laughing uproariously. Apparently when she did this my dad jumped, startled, and then tried hastily to regain his composure. Unfortunately for him it was too late. There in the kitchen stood a ruffled and slightly disoriented father, surrounded by three daughters who all found him hilarious rather than intimidating as he might have hoped.

As I joined in the laughter, a piece of Belgian waffle caught just the right way in my throat and I kind of started choking. I still thought the whole situation was quite funny, but instead of laughing, I found myself coughing and stuggling to catch my breath again. I guess choking isn't that big a deal in my family because the most anyone did to help me was when my dad put down the watch he was holding in case I would need to have the Heimlich maneuver performed on me. Julie and Nicole were still cracking up laughing and this only made it more funny. Julie, who had sat down on the floor because she was laughing too hard, looked up at me and kindly demonstrated the universal sign for choking and suggested that I use it if I felt like I really was in an emergency situation. Nicole started blaming Dad for my current state, but she was still more helpful than him, in my opinion; all the time that I was choking, Dad watched my face with interest as it change colors and made comments like, "Whelp, she's choking." "Look at that, now that's what happens when you eat Belgian waffles at midnight on the kitchen table bench." "It's all funny until someone starts choking." "Julie, you should stand up off the floor." "She might have gotten a piece of Belgian waffle stuck in her throat." "Now you know you should listen to your daddy, see what happens when you don't?" etc.

My dad has terrible bedside manner. I guess I've known this all my life--when one of us was being born, he brazenly asked the doctor where an outlet was so he could plug in his laptop and finish up some work. When I went in for a surgery on my ear when I was 7 years old, he off-handedly asked the nurses where another bed was so he could get some sleep while I was having the procedure done. I remember another time, when we were on vacation in Florida, and I threw up suddenly after having drinken like 2 1/2 bottles of water. (Ohmy, thattt's another story.) While I sat miserably outside the car, trying to recover, my dad came over and started questioning me on what I thought it could be that triggered my sudden sickness. I don't recall him asking how I felt now, but whatever. He's still the best daddy.

So in conclusion, here are the things that make me happy:
1. Jake makes me happy. Even when he is 2,000 miles away, he still makes me happy.
2. Naps make me happy.
3. Surprises make me happy.
4. Also mail. Mail in general makes me happy.
5. Professional success makes me happy.
6. Friends make me happy.
7. Looking nice, or feeling like I do, makes me happy.
8. Belgian waffles make me happy.
9. My sisters make me happy.
10. Laughing until I choke makes me reallyy happy :-)