Shimp Home for the Holidays

This year is my first year not going home for Christmas.

.....I KNOW. Hash tag, big girl.

Instead of Baltimore lights twinkling up into my airplane window on Friday, I experienced the lights of Indianapolis for the fist time.

Then I experienced:

-some delicious cheesy bread, sugar cookies, peanut butter fudge, and cold medicine
-getting tackled by little boys who quickly stopped when they realized I was not their sister
-using all of Natalie's makeup since I apparently left all of mine in Utah
-going out Christmas shopping in the middle of Indianapolis flooding

{I'm serious. I got an emergency weather alert txt telling me to stay away from potential flooding areas}

-sleeping with Stephen in the bed his parents assigned to us. Oh, with his brother in the same bed.
-the Christmas program in the Indy 1st ward, which included a fabulous special musical number and donuts after the meeting
-a Christmas dinner at an interior designer grandma's BEAUTIFUL home

-a conversation that went like this:

me: Brandon, are you taller than me now?
We stand up to measure ourselves and find that he is a good 3 inches taller.
Diane: Oh yeah, I can't keep him in the same pair of pants for more than a month! He just grows out of them so fast!

-followed by a riveting game of boys vs. girls Catchphrase

-in which I got "growing pains," and the timer was speeding up, and it was up to me to help my team guess it, and I blurted out: "Okay, this is what....Brandon keeps doing this out of his pants."

-and my team didn't guess it and instead just got really confused.

-so I said, "Diane was just telling me about it!"

-and then people just laughed instead of guessing and I had to try something else.

There's no place like home for the holidays, but there's an H on one of the stockings here, and Natalie drew me in the family picture she put in Eric's room, and I'm surrounded by people I love. Besides which, there's a huge ball of mistletoe that I can stand under whenever I want. So for my first Christmas away from home, it's going to be a pretty nice one :)

How it Continued

Once upon a time, a boy named Stephen decided that he was going to be a firefighter over the summer. He was going to fight fires with a crew that would go out of the state for 2 weeks, firefight, come home for 2 days, rinse, and repeat. No phones for the 2 weeks out of town. No skype. No girlfriends coming to visit.

Then, he met a girl named Heather. (Me.) At first I liked him, and then I loved him, and then I didn't want him to leave to do firefighting.

This is how I pictured the summer going:

him

me.

 But I also didn't want to tell him what to do, and I didn't want to ruin his plans and dreams, so I resigned myself to a summer of lonesomeness and tried to think of ways to make it not be the worst thing ever.

Then, plans changed, as they are known to do. Stephen wasn't going to leave for the summer after all! I would be lying if I said I wasn't pret-ty overjoyed about that unexpected turn of events.

Then plans changed again, and the day before my parents came out for my graduation in April, Stephen decided that he was going to take another job in Texas. For the whole summer. He was going to be in Texas, not Utah, for the whole summer. He'd have a phone, and Skype, and I would go and visit him, and he would probably fly back to visit me.

Everybody's got trials, I guess. So I again resigned myself to a summer of lonesomeness and tried to think of ways to make it not be the worst thing ever.  If I had had more time, I probably would have spent some of that time moping and whatnot. But I didn't have the time, so I just tried to really enjoy those last few days before Stephen left.

My cute parents came to town, met the man, took us out to eat about a hundred times, took a buttload of pictures, and cheered for me as I graduated.

I don't know why my dad is so dang cute, look at him all dressed up in BYU colors!

The best mom on this planet :)

It was a wonderful few days, even with all the packing and moving. I'm sure my parents didn't love that part, but they were good sports and so incredibly helpful. I couldn't have done it without them!

Okay, now back to this guy. 

On Friday, we went mini-golfing with my parents, Kelly, and Dahl. It was basically an exact copy of a double date the best friend went on when her parents came to town to meet her man, including the part where the losers had to buy everyone ice cream at the end.

Probbbbbbably the best score I have ever, any times ever, gotten mini-golfing.

Stephen left at 5:30 the next morning. He came and woke me up to say goodbye, and after I sleepily reminded him to floss his teeth err day, he left. 

It was a little embarrassing, but whatever. 

When my parents left on Sunday, I was pretty lonesome. The best friend and I started making plans for incentives we could offer to our boys. We had really good ideas, like sending them care packages, a party in a box, and tickets to fun things in Houston. For 60 sales, I would go visit Stephen. At 100, he would come visit me. Coping was off to a good start!

Stephen was Mr. Logical Think-About-Money-and-the-Future Man when he left on Saturday morning. I was Miss Blubbery-I'm-So-Abandoned, but that's beside the point. The point is that between Saturday and Tuesday morning, I became the little girlfriend that could (be supportive albeit lonesome all summer) and he became the boyfriend that couldn't (stand the thought of us being apart all summer). 

So plans changed again! In this order:

1. He was going to come back on Thursday and work in Utah all summer!

2. He was going to come back on Saturday. 

3. He was going to go home to Indiana and work there for the summer. 

4. He was going to come here first for a week or two, then go home to work in Indiana. 

5. He was going to come back to Utah on Friday? !!!

6. Nope. Still Saturday. 

Lots of changes to the plan err day.   

So then this was pretty much me. 

 But on Saturday morning, I picked him up from the airport. And became one-half of this couple:

Except, it wasn't quite that picturesque. And he came out to the curb and I picked him up there. But still.

Stephen pretty much told me that the reason he was coming back to Utah was so that we could get engaged. I had always thought that I wanted to be totally surprised by the proposal, and I was very against the idea of going ring-shopping.

But that very day, we found ourselves in the beautiful city of Salt Lake, climbing a spiral staircase

 up to the 3rd floor of this place,

to look at a few things that glittered and were definitely not gold. I've heard some horror stories about ring-shopping, so I guess it's not always pleasant. But it can be very pleasant when you are being assisted by a wonderful, warm and not snooty at all lady named Liz, and when your boyfriend keeps saying things like "I just want it to be something you like," and "Can we see it with a bigger diamond? Just to see." 

I had to go back to school on Monday, but every day that week when I got home, Stephen and I would eat dinner and then do something fun. That weekend, we took a trip to Moab.

While there, I learned:

1. Rock climbing outside is very different than rock climbing inside.

Here's me climbing inside. Look how high I am on that wall! How fearless! That smile!

Aaaand that's me climbing outside. Stephen took this picture without zooming in with his phone, so yeah, I really am like 6 feet off the ground. Look at those hips! Tucked in all up on the wall. That deer-in-headlights expression! Where did that even come from?? I have no idea.

 2. I learned that I can improve! The first time Stephen had me try to climb something in Moab, I panicked. I had never felt such an irrational fear in my soul that was so insistently pervasive. But THEN, the next time he had me try to climb something, I actually got very high! It was still hard. That didn't stop me from being very very proud of myself.

3. I learned that if you do a good job of climbing, then it's okay to look a little tired in the after shot. 

 4. Climbing with some of the red sand in your hairs is okay.

5. Going out to eat at a local place is something you need to do.

6. Going to famous places is also something you need to do. It is funnest to go to these famous places if you-you-you, you work ouuuut, because then you can run some of the way, and you get there in a 1/4 of the average time it takes people to get there.

7. I learned that I like Stephen in Moab just as well as I like him in Provo. And that is how it continued :)

Planes, Trains, and Cassidy Janes

This weekend, I rode in a plane.

Like this one.

Kelly and I took off like celebrities from the Provo airport. See how the people are just walking on from the tarmac? That's what we did. It was exhilarating. We arrived in Denver, Colorado, just in time to sit and enjoy a leisurely breakfast of Panda Express before heading to our shuttle.

This was the train part of our journey.

The train took us to a little neighborhood in Cheyenne, Wyoming. It dropped us off across the street from this little girl:

Kelly and I went right up to her and started taking pictures.

Eventually, this little girl's dad showed up and told me I could take her back to Utah with me! So that was pretty sweet.

After a quick trip to the hospital, where we held a baby who was barely 12 hours old, we set off down the road.

 

Which we stayed on for almost 9 hours. In that 9 hours, I discovered Carbaby's full name: Cassidy Jane Carbaby. She is a doll, you guys. I love her.

In that 9 hours, I also got a lot of planning done, thanks to Kelly writing down everything in my planbook as I came up with it. I tell you what, life just isn't fair, when you think about it. Because some people have a monopoly on all the best sisters :)

How I Met Shaq

Some people, like Aaron Carter, meet Shaquille O'Neal on the court.



Other people might see him driving around on the road.



And then there are other people who just happen to see him at an Auntie Anne's pretzel stand in the Salt Lake City airport when they are getting ready to fly out to spend a few weeks on the East Coast.

One day, I was at the SLC airport, getting ready to do just that. I had had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, but I was worried that if I got hungry on the plane, I would accidentally eat the crepe that I got for my dad at the Awful Waffle that morning, and I didn't want that to happen. Besides, I had plenty of time before my flight took off, so I got in line at an Auntie Anne's stand on the way to my terminal.

"Can I get the original pretzel nuggets?" I asked.
"We're actually out of pretzel nuggets," the girl working there told me. "We have pretzel sticks?"
"Oh, okay, can I have some of those?"
"We're out of the original ones," she said. "We have cinnamon sugar?"

This place is a joke, I thought. "That's fine," I said. I took the little bag and moved down the line.

"Can I get some cinnamon-sugar sticks?" asked the man behind me.
"We're actually out, she just took the last ones," the girl said.

I turned around, feeling terribly guilty.

My eyes went up, and up, and up....and settled on this face:

"I'm sorry!" I said. He's going to sit on me, I thought. He's going to knock these pretzel sticks out of my hand and then he's going to sit on me. I didn't even want them. Oh, why didn't they have original pretzel nuggets like I wanted??


"That's alright," he muttered, looking at the menu again.

I thought about offering to share my pretzel sticks with him, but I was worried he would look at me like this:

So I just scooted on down the line, afraid to order anything else in case I ruined his order again. As I scooted, I thought to myself: "He looks kind of familiar. Where do I recognize him from?" 

I paid for my pretzel sticks and then went on to my terminal. And as I sat there, browsing through my magazine, it hit me: the man whose breakfast I had ruined was Shaquille O'Neal. 

And that, Aaron, is how I beat Shaq. 

Tell the World I'm Comin Home

I like this place. I really do! And I like my friends here, and I'm having fun times and stuff. But here's another place I like:

And I'm going there! Tomorrow! I've been packing and cleaning for three days straight, also sporadically through the last two weeks. I shoved my bedding, rain boots, a box, and a set of drawers in the hall closet at Singletree. I put 2 suitcases, 4 huge boxes, half of my clothes, and another set of drawers in a friend's closet. I packed two suitcases and a backpack to bring home. And I think I am finally ready!

Everyone has been asking what I'm going to do for a month in Maryland. Here's a TO DO list:

1. Hang out with the fam.
2. Go to lunch with the cute dad.
3. Make dinners with real people food.
4. Visit all my elementary school teachers and get advice!
5. Meet Lerone. (He's so hot and I can't wait to see him in person....)
6. Go to Rita's.
7. Eat froyo with the Jew.
8. Have sister sleepovers with the Jew and the Care Bear.
9. Play basketball with the broders.
10. BEAT THEM!
11. Learn all the sports. Since I'm going to be a PE teacher and it's crunch time, guys.
12. Road trip to Tennessee with Caitlin where we will drink lemonade and meet every cowboy that even exists on the East Coast.
13. Beach??
14. Get all ready to be a teacher.
15. Attend the DC 2nd ward.
16. Go to Jared's pool.
17. Go to institute? We'll see....
18. Do a sleep deprivation study. Also miscellaneous other studies.
19. Drive to Ohio and be an EFY counselor for a week.
20. Then drive 28 hrs in 36 hrs back to Utah. Blech.

I love how Baltimore looks from the sky. It's all, Oh hey Heather, we missed you! And I'm all, Listen, I missed you too! Because as much as I love Utah, I do miss being home. Who says you can't go home?? I don't. I say I can. So peace out, Utah! See you in a month :)

Sorry, Plane Buddy

Yesterday I bid my family a tearful farewell and got on a jet plane back to P-town. Nicole and I were travel buddies and I've never had such an enjoyable flight!

I'm sure the guy sitting next to us has had many more enjoyable flights.

His flight started with security and checking in, which no one enjoys. Then he boarded with the C group. Also not ideal. Then he walked all the way to the back of the plane. He saw two cute girls. He thought his day was looking up. He asked if he could sit with them. They said sure. His heart rejoiced.

Then one of them stood on his seat for 5 minutes looking for Ibuprofen and headphones for the other one.

Then they pulled out a 5-course meal.

He opened his Southwest-provided magazine. He browsed through, looking for a conversation-starter. He found it. He nudged the girl sitting next to him. He said, "Are you girls freshmen in college?"

The girl next to him got a sour look on her face. She said, "Senior." And turned back to her phone. The one by the window said, "Sophomore," in a little bit nicer of a voice.

This conversation wasn't going exactly how he had planned. He didn't know what to do. He tried to just jump back in. He pointed at the picture. It said, "On average, college freshmen girls gain 3.1 lbs in their first semester of school."

The girls looked at the picture. They read the words. They looked at him. His heart sank at their confused (and mildly insulted) expressions. The girls said, "Hmmm."

Then they jammed headphones in their ears and proceeded to fall asleep, lounging all over each other. When they woke up, they giggled and chattered. How was the poor boy supposed to know they weren't freshmen in college?

He thought about making amends. He offered them his peanuts. They politely declined. He ate them all. The girls ate some more of their 5-course meal.

When they landed, he tried one more time. The conversation quickly fell flat. And when they saw each other again at the baggage claim, one of the girls was chattering with her friend and the other was kissing her boyfriend.

I could really use a wish right now.....

Today I got on an airplane and left the state of Utah, not to return for the next 6 months. I'm actually shocked that made it on the airplane in the first place. Here's a kind of summary of my trip:

Last night, about 9:30: I finally decide to start packing. It was incredibly daunting, since I won't be coming back until June, so I basically had to pack my entire life. I don't know how, but I somehow managed to pack 120 lbs of absolute necessities into two suitcases, another 35 lbs in my carry-on bag, and probably another 15 lbs in backpack that I didn't weigh. The rest of my stuff fit nicely into 6 boxes that I am leaving in Utah. I am seriously confused about where I got so much stuff and how I ever fit all of it under my bed.

Dear stuff,

Where did you come from? Why have you chosen to attach yourself to me so insistently? Please get out of my life. ......Oh no wait, don't go! I might need you someday!

Love,

Heather

Today, 8:00 am: Wake up so I can be ready to leave at 8:30. My flight was at 12:40, but I wanted to visit Jake's family before I had to leave.

9:30 am: Kelly and Dahl pick me up and we drive to Lindon.

9:50 am: We arrive at Jake's house and get to visit for a little bit. Halli made us pancakes, which was so nice, especially since I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Dahl took the car to get the oil changed, since it was making a weird sound and he didn't want to have to replace the engine.

10:40 am: We say goodbye to the Crafts and head towards the airport.

10:45 am: Dad txts me to ask if I am at the airport. I say no, we are just leaving Lindon. He says that we better hurry, since my flight is at 12:05.

10:46 am: Panic.

10:47 am: Feel better because there is literally no traffic. We are making excellent time!

11:15 am: See the signs for the airport. Rejoice that the traffic has been so spectacular.

11:16 am: Pull into the drop off area. Drive past the Southwest drop off because every car in the state of Utah is parked there. Pull up to Jet Blue's drop off and get out of the car. Dahl helps me get my suitcases out and we run inside.

11:17 am: Walk past a huge line. Feel sorry for the people that have to wait in it. Walk past bag check stations for two other airlines and come to Southwest's bag check station. Realize with a sinking feeling that this line is your line.

Dear all the residents of Utah,

Why did you decide to fly at the exact same time and on the exact same airline as me? Our schedules can never be this similar again. Let's coordinate a little better next time.

Yours,

Heather

11:19 Accidentally say a bad word. Quickly wonder if anyone heard and look around for people who might be judging me. Realize that I have bigger problems. Feel panicky.

11:20 The following conversation ensues:

Dahl: This is your line. You have to get in line with someone.

Me: But....I don't know anyone in this line!

Dahl: You have to flirt with someone. Here....flirt with these boys and get in line with them.

Me: What!? No, I can't do that.

Dahl: You have to. You'll miss your flight if you don't.

Me: Maybe we can ask a security guard.....

Dahl: They won't help. Talk to these boys. Look, go flirt with them.

Me: I can't, I can't! What about him? Can I flirt with him? (I pointed to a kind of insecure looking boy in a hat, thinking he would not be brave enough to send me unsympathetically to the back of the line. Dahl was wanting me to flirt with some college boys who were wearing ski hats and looked way more confident. Dahl shook his head and pointed me back to the skiers.)

Dahl: I gotta go Heather. Give me a hug.

Me: Wait....Dahl where are you going?

Dahl: I have to go trade places with Kelly so she can come say goodbye to you.

Me: What....what do I say?

Dahl: Just ask what time their flight is. You can do it.

Me: I can't!

Dahl: See you later, Heather.

Me: Ok....okaaaay byyyye, thanks Dahl.

And then he walked off, leaving me with three suitcases, a backpack, and a rapidly sinking heart.

I made eye contact with one of the boys. "What time is your guys flight?" I asked. I felt awful about what I was doing and right after asking this question, my face spasmed into a worried expression.

Dear self,

Please learn how to flirt in a more carefree manner. And on that note,

Dear face,

Please do not spasm when I am trying to flirt to accomplish a purpose.

Sincerely,

Heather

"Uhhh, ours is at.....12:35? Yeah. 12:35."

"Ohhh," I said, looking at the clock.

"What time is yours?" he asked.

"12:05," I said. My face involuntarily spasmed again.

"Ooooh," both of the boys said together.

"Mine too!" said the lady standing behind them. "Are you going to Denver?"

"No, I'm going to Baltimore," I said. Then, talking to the skier again, I said, "Do you think I could like....get in line with you guys? Is that okay?"

He looked around and then said, "If no one sees, sure," and scooted up in line, smiling.

I think I almost started crying, I was so relieved. I grabbed my suitcases and scooted in right behind him.

11:30 am: Kelly comes in and sees me in the line. "Whoa, how did you get so far in line??" she asked loudly. I could feel a million eyes belonging to people I had just butted turn to look at me. I cleared my throat and said, "Hi Kelly. Do you want to come stand by me?" She nodded, considering the line. "Okay. But that's crazy, how did you get there so fast?" Pulling her in line with me, I quickly explained that the really nice boys in front of me just let me get in line with them. I tried to talk loudly enough so the boys in front of me would know how much I appreciated them, without anyone behind me hearing and getting mad.

Dear people behind me,

I'm sorry I butted you. I know that you had flights to make, too, and I should have gotten to the airport sooner. Thank you thank you thank you for being so nice and understanding! (Or just for keeping your annoyance to yourself.) It was awfully Christmas spirity of you.

All my gratitude,

Heather

11:32 am: Kelly leaves me in the line. I don't want to talk about it.

Dear sister,

Ytb! Ily s m f. Ty f b m t t ap t m!

Love,

Heather

11:35 am: I make it to the front of the line! A nice flight lady with a Christmas sweater helps me print off my boarding pass and weighs my bags. One bag is 63 lbs, and the other is 57. I ask if I can just be charged for one bag being overweight, but she says no, I have to put 7 lbs from the smaller bag into the heavier one. I start switching things around.

11:40 am: I have two suitcases, one that is 69 lbs and one that is 51. The Southwest worker winks at me and says that is fine. I pay for the extra weight and take one of my bags over to the little conveyor belt where you leave your bags with the security officers.

11:41 am: Take my second bag to the same place. Look around for the skiers so I can kiss them, and feel a little sad when I don't see them.

Dear skier boys,

You saved my life today! I would never have made my flight if it were not for you. Thank you for being so nice even when my face spasmed twice in our conversation. If you ever see me again, I owe you.

Gratefully,

Heather

11:43 am: Get in the mile-long line for security. Realize that there is no one I can butt this time. Panic. Txt Dad saying I am going to miss my flight. Almost flip out when the girl in front of me is met by her boyfriend and they start making out and he is not cute enough for her. Realize that I am being irrational. Suddenly get bombarded by 4 txts from Dad, who is also freaking out.

11:47 am: Get ready to send my things through the scanners. Take off my coat and boots and take my laptop out of my backpack. Feel sick because my flight is surely boarding right at this minute.

11:50 am: Get to the front of the security line. Throw everything in the plastic bins and run to the scanner. Look a little over-eager when I jump in the scanner.

11:51 am: A security guard lady asks me if I have anything in my pockets to hold it in my hands. I pull out my cards and hold them in one hand. I remember my bobby pins in my other pocket and pull them out too. The security guard remembers that she forgot to re-calibrate her machine. I have to step out while she pushes some buttons.

11:52 am: The machine is ready! I jump back in and get scanned. The security guard asks me to wait on a mat until she gets confirmation that I am not a terrorist. I stand on the mat, kind of dancing around.

Dear people who are concerned about TSA full-body scans,

I would just like to re-direct your energy to the outrageous lines at the airport. This is a real problem that is of greater concern to me than the full-body scanners.

Cordially,

Heather

11:55 am: I am cleared and allowed off the mat. I throw on my coat, shove my feet into my boots, grab my backpack and my rolling carry-on bag and start towards the escalator.

11:56 am: I run back to the table for my laptop, which I accidentally left.

11:57 am: Kelly calls me. I abruptly end the call as I run towards my gate, B22.

Dear Gate B22,

I really think you and Security need to make up and move back to being closer to one another. This long-distance relationship isn't working. I know I'm just a third party, not really involved in the relationship, but did you know that there are 2 escalators and 21 terminals between you two? Please work on fixing this, because it has started to affect other people who want to see both of you at the same time.

Respectfully,

Heather

11:58 am: Run past gates B1-B10.

11:59 am: Run past a Santa Claus taking pictures with a huge crowd of people. Feel annoyed that everyone in the crowd seems to want to get in your way.

12:00 noon: Keep running. Panic.

12:01: Consider stopping off at another one of the gates to ask a worker to call my gate and tell them that I am on my way and to please wait for me. Decide that there is no time for that. Keep running.

12:02: Wonder why I had to go up an escalator if now I am just going down one to get to my terminal.

12:04: Somehow arrive at gate B22. See that the door is open still. Wonder if I may have actually made it. The lady checking boarding passes called out to me as I got closer, "Are you Heather?" "Yes!" I said, relieved to be there. She smiled at me and gestured through the door. "Go right on in!" she said.

Dear stewardess lady,

You are the kindest ever. I wish I had given you a hug, too.

Sincerely,

Heather

12:05: Walk down the aisle until I see an open seat in the middle of a grandpa and a high school boy. The grandpa winked at me and pointed to the seat in the middle of their row. I ask if there is room in their overhead bin. Just as I had been hoping would happen, the high school boy offered to put my bags up for me. I gladly accept. Once I am seated, the grandpa leans forward and says to the high school boy next to me, "You can pay me later."

12:10 We depart! And I am actually on the plane.

I'll be hoooooome for Christmas

Although for a second there, I didn't know if I would be! The East Coast is currently experiencing more snow than it's dealt with in the past several years, and Marylanders trying to drive in snow are a little bit like a barbershop quartet trying to play football. So naturally, at the sight of a snowflake, the state had to go into emergency lockdown mode and all flights coming into Maryland were rescheduled.

Kelly and I were supposed to fly home on Saturday, but when our flight was cancelled, we ended up going to a barbecue for the elder's quorum in Kelly's ward, watching Surrogate at the dollar theater, packing, cleaning, and hitting up The Loft on our real last night in Utah of 2009. So although we ended up going to the airport fourteen hours after we had originally planned (and 3 hours after we got home from The Loft), I think we spent those hours very well.

Our flight was at 7:55 in the morning; boarding time was 7:25, so we left Raintree at 5:00 am. I don't think I have gotten up this early the whole semester (although I have been up at 5 am, it just hasn't been because I was getting up then). Shout-out to Winnie, who was nice enough to pull herself out of bed and take us...what a good friend! In order to bring everything we wanted to and keep the trip as inexpensive as possible, Kelly and I stuffed everything we could in our carryons and brought no checked luggage. I also showed up at the airport wearing two pairs of jeans, two pairs of shoes, two tank tops, one long-sleeved shirt, a hoodie, and a coat because that was what didn't fit in my carryon. I think it's also important to note that I had planned very carefully that I would be going home on Saturday. I had been counting so heavily on this fact that I didn't do laundry for a few weeks leading up to this weekend, so I was also wearing my swimsuit bottom because I had run straight out of underwear. Not really ideal, but what can ya do. Especially with snow as impudent as this.

Originally, we had a direct flight, but with the cancellation, we were switched to a flight that had a layover in Cincinnati. I was pretty certain that we would get delayed in Cincinnati because of the snow and we would end up stuck there in some obscure hotel for days before we could get a flight out. I had visions of a very haggard Kelly and I, hitchhiking our way home, wearily pulling our suitcases behind us through Ohio. I imagined us finally arriving at our cheerfully lit home just in time for December 26th...2010. Thankfully this didn't happen. Our flight out of Ohio wasn't even delayed, and we made it home right on schedule.

While on the flight from Cincinnati to Maryland, Kelly and I discovered something important. The flight attendants came up the aisle with the drink cart and asked us what we wanted. I got my usual cran-apple juice, while Kelly went out on a limb and ordered a virgin bloody Mary. She was pumped to see that it was on the menu of complimentary drinks. We sat in eager anticipation as the stewardess mixed this delectable surprise up for us in the cabin. Kelly took the first bold sip and let me tell you something: that limb she had gone out on, suddenly crashed to the ground. Here are some common misunderstandings about this concoction:

1. A Bloody Mary is some kind of cheerful berry drink.

2. You do not really have to be that drunk to enjoy a Bloody Mary.

3. You will be happy if you try a virgin Bloody Mary.

I would like to dispel all of these right now. Right this minute.

1. A Bloody Mary is, in fact, some kind of gross tomato juice disaster that has had spices added to it. There is nothing berry-y about it. There is also nothing cheerful about it.

2. You would have to be slobberingly drunk to enjoy such an abomination. I don't drink, but if I did, I don't think I ever could get drunk enough to enjoy it.

3. If you try a virgin Bloody Mary, you will not be happy. When I let those few drops trickle across my tongue and down my throat, my whole body rebelled as it never has before. It was the most vile substance I have ever experienced. I tasted it and felt instantly angry that such a thing had ever come into my line of vision.

Of course when we discovered how horrendous this thing was that had come into our hands, we couldn't stand to look at or smell it. We artistically arranged all of our napkins and snack wrappers on top of the cup and waited for a flight attendant to notice and take it away.

Finally we arrived in Maryland. We flew into the Reagan National airport, so only Mom and Dad came to pick us up. Sarah called four times while we were driving home to ask how many minutes or seconds before we would get home. She is so cute! A brief status update on everyone:

Sarah has lost her two front teeth, and her hair has grown about a foot. Jacob is the exact same. Joseph is as tall as me now. WHATTT. No one told Julie about the bench. And Nicole hasn't changed at all, either.

If I had forgotten for a minute that I was home, there were multiple points throughout the evening that would have reminded me that I was. For one thing, my dad tried for ten minutes at dinner to finish the following sentence: "I was thinking today, and I wonder..." You might wonder what he was wondering, but you will find yourself wondering that for a very long time. I am still wondering what he was wondering, because he never quite got to say. Every time he got close, something happened that triggered the onset of an extensive medley of songs.

Last night we had a big huge sleepover in the living room, all the girls. For some reason my house turns into a frozen tundra at night, so we all huddled for warmth on the couch with several blankets from Nicole, Julie, and Sarah's beds, and both couches. When I woke up at 3 am, I was shivering under one solitary blanket, Nicole was on the floor, Sarah was on the other couch with Kelly, and one of my sisters was snoring away under a two-foot tall pile of blankets. At my request she kindly moved over and shared her blankets with me and I slept soundly the rest of the night....or so I thought. Apparently this wasn't the case as Nicole told me this morning that I actually started crying and saying, "Who would make such a sound?" and then backhanded one of my sisters several times when I learned that it was her snoring that was causing me such grief.

This morning while Kelly and I were doing our laundry, we came across some clothes that we had made when we were much younger, about 7 and 8 years old, when we were learning how to sew. I had been making a purple dress, and Kelly was making a floral print skort, complete with a matching hot pink shirt and floral print scrunchie head band. For some reason her shirt was a rectangle....only turned the wrong way. We put on our clothes and recruited Joseph to photograph our awesomeness. I think that Kelly looks like some 80's Malibu Barbie and I look like a purple Polly Pocket. We are way too attractive for our own good, that's all I can say.

Ignore the time stamps on these pictures....I don't know what the problem there is.

Anyway that's all for now. More on my crazy family later :)