So Romantic

Sometimes, Stephen is very romantic.

Like when he makes up songs for me! Here is a sample: "Oooh, oooh, I love my bay-bay, I love my bay-bay, no I don't, yes I do, no I don't, yes I dooooo!"

He is still working on it.

The other day, it occurred to him that he should maybe change some of his ways. This is a direct quote from that epiphany: "Heather, I'm sorry. I should be more respectful to you. I shouldn't have thrown those dirty socks at you. And put your shoe in my pants. And I'm sorry for zombie-humping you up against the wall." [Not as bad as it sounds....]

It was very sincere. Husbands are the best.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when he actually is romantic! That's just a lot more boring for other people to read about. So you get this blog post instead.

In other news, we share clothes sometimes. Happy Halloween!

A Jolly Good Fellow

Four days ago, I was settling down for a responsible, early-to-bed kind of weekend, hoping that if I could just master going to bed at a decent hour for two days in a row, I would be all ready for school to start on Monday.

Four days ago, my early-to-bed weekend plans were shot when I received an invitation to attend President Monson's birthday celebration.

Which I accepted.

Ah-hobviously.

It was a very swanky to-do, meaning that it took place at the Conference Center in Salt Lake and you had to be dressed up to attend.

There was an opera singer, some Broadway singers, an ex-TV lady, an ex-football player, and of course, the guest of honor:

He waved at me. You know I'm pumped about that. 

Dear President Monson,

There are many things I love about you.....You have a winning smile. I can picture you teasing your wife, Frances. Your talks never fail to amuse and touch. You wiggle your ears and stick out your tongue. You are kind of like the Princess Diana of us Mormons - pre-divorce of course, or at least pre-car accident. Everyone loves you. 

But you know what I love most about you?

I love that I felt sad when President Hinckley died. He had been my prophet. You were nice too, but I wasn't too sure about you, if I'm being honest. 

Then you came to BYU to give a devotional. I wiggled into the closest seat I could find. You walked in and we all stood. We sat. You gave your devotional. You said, "I invoke His blessings upon you, in this crowded audience," and I've never forgotten it. Someone prayed. 

You stood to walk out. You made it to the tunnel where the basketball team runs in every time there is a game. You waved. You reached up and shook someone's hand, and then another person's. Two little girls leaned over the railing, waving little notes they had written. You reached up and took the notes, shook their hands, and then walked out through the tunnel. 

I love that the cameras didn't catch it, but I did. I love that that was the moment when I knew that you were the prophet for this day. 

Happy birthday, Thomas S.!

Spice Up your Closing Ceremonies

So, I was really tired today.

Probably about as tired as one might be if they had gone to bed at 6 in the morning.

Imagine watching the Closing Ceremonies of the Summer 2012 Olympics feeling like that.

It got a little bit trippy.

Which is why I decided to do this post on how I would have improved the Closing Ceremonies if I were the one in charge! Ehm:

1. I would have gotten rid of the roller-skating nuns. What? What was that?

2. I would have changed Jessie J's outfit. I would have given her a really fluffy charcoal-gray sparkly tulle skirt to wear with her leotard.

3. I would have reunited the Beatles. If the Spice Girls could come back together, so could the Beatles! [John Lennon and George Harrison would just have to work something out. It's the Olympics. Get it together, guys.]

4. I would not have formed anyone's face with weird white puzzle pieces.

5. I would have kindly asked Annie Lennox to not perform.

How scary is this woman??

6. I would have definitely kept the Spartans out of it.

7. I would have given One Direction a cooler stage. If Annie Lennox gets a pirate ship, my boys definitely deserve something a little fancier.

Also, they would have been given a solid hour. And since I would be the one in charge, I would be on stage with them. And they'd be singing right to me. 

8. You KNOW there would have been no Russell Brand in my Closing Ceremonies.

9. Prince Harry would get double the face time that he did.

At least double. 

10. George Michael would not have sung "Freedom" or whatever the heck he sang. He would have sung "Faith."

  

11. The Spice Girls would not have stopped after only two songs. They would have stopped after.....twenty songs.

12. Victoria Beckham would have given me her dress after the Closing Ceremonies were over. (Also her husband.) What?

If only I really had been in charge. Even McKayla would have to be impressed.

via

Elephants Freakishly Yawn

On Wednesday, EFY could have stood for "Especially For Yum" because I ate the yummiest food ever on that day. The cafeteria workers at Xavier could not have been more welcoming and sweet to us the whole time we were there. They called us "baby" and "honey bun" and heaped gourmet food onto our plates as we scooted on through the lines.

On Wednesday, I was on Variety Show tryouts duty with counselors Chris and James. I loved this job because

- I got to see everyone try out. 

- The youth were all so cute and confident, all ready to go with their talents. 

- I got to be Paula, leaving Chris to be Randy and James to be Simon. 

I hated this job because

- There were like 45 acts that tried out and only 15 spots. 

- In my role as Paula Because I am an elementary school teacher, I hated the thought of rejecting any of these acts. Besides this one really bizarre act that just made me uncomfortable. It didn't hurt my feelings too bad when they didn't make it. 

- We were trying people out from the beginning of free time to the end of dinnertime. That is four hours, my friend. 

Thankfully, the cafeteria workers were so nice and let us come eat dinner there anyway. 

The next part of "Yum" happened at Pizza Night. I ordered pizza, but I forgot to get soda. Actually I didn't forget. I just got flustered. Dalin was on the phone and put it down for a second and said, "Do you need soda?" And I hadn't asked my girls if they wanted soda, and I knew if I said yes then he would ask what kind, and I just didn't think I could handle that, so I said no. 

Then, of course, my girls had to ask if I had gotten soda. I told them no. They had a riot. I ran to the boys' floor, hoping Dalin would rescue us. He wasn't there yet, so I stood in the hallway, talking to the boys in my company. Our conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hi! Did you guys get soda?

Them: We don't know, Dalin's not back yet. 

Me: Oh, hmmm. That's okay. 

Them: .....Did you get soda?

Me: No! It's all my fault, I forgot to order it. 

Them: Oh man! 

Me: Yeah. My girls are about to stage a mutiny. 

Them: ......

Me: .....Yeppp. 

Them: Oh man. 

Me: I think Dalin did get soda. 

Them: Hmmm, maybe he did. 

Me: Oh that's so cool!

Them: ......

Me: Okay to be honest, I'm just hoping that if I stand here long enough, and tell that story enough times, then you will offer my girls some of your soda....

Them: Oh! You can have our soda! 

Me: Oh my gosh, really?? That is so nice! Okay maybe like, if he got 3 things of soda, we can have one. 

Them: Okay no how about, if he got 3 things, you can have two of them. 

Um?! Are these boys not the sweetest ever? They only requested hugs from all the girls. I enthusiastically promised them this. 

Pizza Night is fun because you get to talk about COW's (Crush Of the Week) and sing girly songs and there are no boys allowed. Unless they are dropping off soda for you :) Then they are totally allowed. And it's fun because pizza is delicious and girl talk is fun and sometimes your girls accidentally all start singing, as loudly as they can, a song about two specific counselors sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, and as we all know, that is the sign of a good party. 

How I Met Shaq

Some people, like Aaron Carter, meet Shaquille O'Neal on the court.



Other people might see him driving around on the road.



And then there are other people who just happen to see him at an Auntie Anne's pretzel stand in the Salt Lake City airport when they are getting ready to fly out to spend a few weeks on the East Coast.

One day, I was at the SLC airport, getting ready to do just that. I had had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, but I was worried that if I got hungry on the plane, I would accidentally eat the crepe that I got for my dad at the Awful Waffle that morning, and I didn't want that to happen. Besides, I had plenty of time before my flight took off, so I got in line at an Auntie Anne's stand on the way to my terminal.

"Can I get the original pretzel nuggets?" I asked.
"We're actually out of pretzel nuggets," the girl working there told me. "We have pretzel sticks?"
"Oh, okay, can I have some of those?"
"We're out of the original ones," she said. "We have cinnamon sugar?"

This place is a joke, I thought. "That's fine," I said. I took the little bag and moved down the line.

"Can I get some cinnamon-sugar sticks?" asked the man behind me.
"We're actually out, she just took the last ones," the girl said.

I turned around, feeling terribly guilty.

My eyes went up, and up, and up....and settled on this face:

"I'm sorry!" I said. He's going to sit on me, I thought. He's going to knock these pretzel sticks out of my hand and then he's going to sit on me. I didn't even want them. Oh, why didn't they have original pretzel nuggets like I wanted??


"That's alright," he muttered, looking at the menu again.

I thought about offering to share my pretzel sticks with him, but I was worried he would look at me like this:

So I just scooted on down the line, afraid to order anything else in case I ruined his order again. As I scooted, I thought to myself: "He looks kind of familiar. Where do I recognize him from?" 

I paid for my pretzel sticks and then went on to my terminal. And as I sat there, browsing through my magazine, it hit me: the man whose breakfast I had ruined was Shaquille O'Neal. 

And that, Aaron, is how I beat Shaq. 

The charmed life

sometimes involves.....

- waking up, going outside, picking raspberries and blackberries, and eating them with your cereal.

- breaking world records in all Track and Field events after 2 hours of playing Kinect Sports with your sister.

- tackling your siblings in a concerted effort to get stronger.

- becoming addicted to the Big Bang Theory, simply because there is so much time around here.

- eating all the caramel in the world. Literally. ALL THE CARAMEL.

- saying, "Julie! / Joseph! / Jacob! / Sarah! How come.....you're so cute?" every time I see one of those cute people.

- becoming a pro at shooting a basketball backwards.

- narrowly avoiding vicious scams by people who don't live charmed lives like stupid Patricia J. Hall.

- listening to this song on a loop:

  

- following up every family prayer with 12 push-ups and 21 crunches (or however old you are).

- trying to tackle your brother only to bang your head on the wall.

- wondering, "but why is the jam gone?"

- laughing hysterically because Pluto isn't technically a planet.

- blasting this song every time it is on the radio and singing along with Baby Sister:

 

- going to Rita's whenever I feel like it, because it is just like 5 minutes away instead of 2000 miles away like it is when I'm in Utah....

- having friends over who cover your brother's eyes when an inappropriate part comes on in the movie you're watching.

- having brothers who cover your friend's eyes when an inappropriate part comes on in the movie you're watching.

- phrases like "Screw you, Tower of Babel!" coming up in scripture study.

- spending a morning watching Steve Irwin videos on YouTube with Baby Sister.

- stacking up significant fines on your library card and feeling really embarrassed about that since they just waived $18.40 in fines from the last time you checked something out (February of 2011).

- lunching with the Padre.

- hacking into my grandma's Facebook. getting nice posts on Facebook clearly written by my grandma who loves me.

Sweet Skills

So the other day, I was watching the Bachelorette, and Emily said that she didn't feel like she had a lot of talents. My immediate reaction was, "What the heck Emily! Yes you do! You're awesome! You're so pretty and nice and sometimes you say funny things!" And then I realized that "being pretty" doesn't count as a talent.

Neither does being nice, and even saying funny things occasionally can't really be counted as a talent.

And then I realized that I don't have that many talents either. Here are the things that I consider my talents:

- teaching (this is to be seen, I guess)
- txting
- typing fast
- writing (letters, blogs, papers, etc.)
- hair-doing
- nannying
- trying new recipes
- facebook-stalking (I'm not as good as Winnie, but I'm pretty good at it)
- singing a little bit and piano a little bit and dancing a little bit
- packing lots of stuff into a little bag / suitcase / car

Anyways. That looks like a pretty decently-sized list, but when you think about it, none of those talents would get me landed on America's Got Talent. So I am determined to get some new talents. Some cool ones!

Here are the talents I want to develop:

- doing pull-ups on a pull-up bar. These are always impressive. I want to be able to do EIGHT.
- trick-riding on a horse. I need a horse for this, so I might not actually be able to develop this talent until I have married a cowboy.
- playing the ukulele. So I guess I will need a ukulele. After I buy a car, I will get one.
- whistling. I've never been able to whistle. I'd really like to able to.
- making cream puffs. Maybe I will learn how while I'm home!

If anyone has advice for how I can master any of these talents, please let me know :)

The Price is Right

California is the home of many famous people. One of those people is named Drew Carey, and he is famous because he hosts TV shows. One of those TV shows is "The Price is Right." If you've never seen it, it's a show where all these people win cars and BBQ grills and tons of money. I need a car for next semester, so this was my plan for how to get one. 

Unfortunately, cars are never free, even when you win one on TV. Even when Oprah gives one to everyone in the audience. Our chance at winning a car cost us our sleep. 

Kimmy and Tyler got to California at about midnight, and we looked up information on the show. Everyone online advised us to be in line at the studio by at least 4. They insisted that anyone who showed up any later hadn't even gotten in the studio. The line was around the block by 3. If we didn't get in line by 2, we would be fed to crocodiles for our tardiness. Etc.

We took turns taking naps and showering and getting ready. Then, at 4:30, we drove to the studio.

There were three people in line. I know, I know. It is shocking that everything on the internet is not 100% accurate. Weird.

We got in line behind the.....crazed mob.....set up our lawn chairs, and started taking pictures.

For some reason, I didn't feel tired enough to sleep. So I just sat there and chatted and txtd and watched the sun rise and got all excited about winning my car. (*Side note - the whole time we were getting ready and sitting and waiting, I thought it was really funny to keep saying, "You get a car! You get a car! And you get a car!" like Oprah. Do you think that's funny? Cuz I did.)

The rest of the morning is a little bit of a blur, but includes the following:

-Entering the girls bathroom and encountering a grown man who was....waiting for his mom?

-And leaving. And waiting for him to leave before re-entering. 

-Getting interviewed by Sexy-man Stan, the producer. His picture is below. 

                            

Our interview went something like this:

Stan: Hi, Heather. How are you doing?

Me: !!!!! Oh! Good, how are you? (smiling like a crazy person....)

Stan: Good, good. And what is it you do?

Me: I teach! I'm a student! I go to....I....okay. Ha sorry! I'm a student at BYU, but I'm going to be a 2nd grade teacher in August. 

Stan: Okay, so you're not teaching til August, that means you have lots of time to watch The Price is Right?

Me: Oh! Yeah! I do!

Stan: Yeah? 

Me: Yeah!

Stan: What's your favorite game on the show?

Me: (I have never seen a single episode.) Plinko! (I barely heard this word mere hours before my interview....)

Stan: Oh yeah, what do you like about it?

Me: (I have heard about it?) I just like it, it's so fun to say. Plinko! You know? 

Stan: Yeah, what's not to like about a game where you don't have to do anything but drop something and hope you win, right?

Me: Yeah!

Stan: Okay, well maybe we'll get you up on the show for some Plinko-playing. 

Me: That would be great!

Stan: (on the next person). 

Our morning also included:

-Sharing a $10 hamburger and fries. We called it our entrance fee and felt a little better, since getting into the show was free. 

-Having a huge back-scratching fest and napping all over each other before being let into the studio. 

-Laughing at the guys sitting across from us who were obviously impressed and a little baffled by Steve's steeze, as he was the token male in a group of 3 girls and it looked like all of them constantly wanted him to sit by them / talk to them / scratch their backs....

-Getting my scissors confiscated until the end of the show.

H: Winnie was the mom in Las Vegas

Ch: I was the mom at Disney

H: I can be the mom at the beach!

S: Who's your daddy??

-Seeing the studio in real life and almost dying because it was so dang cute. 

-Needing to pee. Sooooo, frick-innn, ba-ad. 

-Dancing around to YMCA, Dynamite, All I do is Win, and other wonderful songs to get us pumped about winning. 

-Being sat in the FRONT ROW, right behind the contestant pulpits, what's uppp!?

-Sitting 5 feet away from this guy (below)

-Discovering that that guy is kind of rude in real life....and feeling a little less dazzled. 

-Kind of falling in love with this guy:

He is the announcer guy. He was wearing a white suit with a pink shirt and looked so fly, and was way nicer than Drew!

**IMPORTANT!!! If you want to see me on TV, or my friends, or that guy in the picture above who I kind of fell in love with, our show will be airing on MAY 10th, 2012. And our faces will be all up on your screen. And you will feel a little more famous, because you know me. And I'm not sure, but you might see me smack a stranger's butt. But the details are a little fuzzy. So maybe that didn't happen. There's only one way to find out!**

To continue, the afternoon included:

-Walking dazedly out of the studio and into the sunlight. 

-Somehow making our way back to the car and back to Steve's house. 

-Napping on a merry-go-round bed: as soon as one person was done showering, they woke up the next person and took their spot on the bed. 

-Going to Universal City Walk for dinner at Bucca di Beppo and eating the best meal any of us has ever experienced! 

-Leaving Bucca di Beppo to run around City Walk and take the following pictures:

pregnant.....

The boys were actually really good at humoring us with these pictures. They just kept taking them and throwing out suggestions and encouragement. And the picture above was taken through someone's legs....so you know that is real commitment to a craft.

The roads in La Canda are pretty windy and curvy, and because of that, conversations like this happen:

W: Steve, are you taking us to a lookout point?

S: Oh! Do you guys want to go to one?

C: YES!

W: I can't believe Steve's taking us all to a lookout point right now. 

H: Yeah, I feel like we need some sort of initiation ceremony....

Ch: Ahhh! (scrabbling at the car door handle, trying to get out)

H: How do you know about this lookout point?

W: Yeah, how many girls have you kissed up here?

S: Actually, I don't think I've.....ever kissed a girl up here. (Totally unconcerned)

Later, while we're at the lookout point....

C: Okay, Steve. If you really want to say you've kissed someone up here, you can kiss me on the cheek. 

S: I'm alright.....

(Everyone dying of laughter as we get back in the car)

S: Do you want to go up higher?

H: Oh yeah, Christine might make out with you if we go any higher!

In conclusion, it was a lovely lookout point. And we all kept our spit to ourselves. 

Vegas Virgin No Longer

Last week, I was a Vegas Virgin. Now, I can no longer say that.

Sunday morning was a bit of a stress-fest with keys getting lost and plans being delayed a few hours, but we eventually got ourselves on the road and set off! 

Our fearless driver!

Do you wanna kick it in the backseat?

I made mix CD's for the trip. Not gonna lie, it kind of gave me anxiety as I was making them and every single song was chosen with the utmost care. I tried to imagine all of my friends laughing and singing along enthusiastically as if we were in some 50's convertible car commercial, and if I couldn't picture it, the song didn't make the cut. The result is some pretty rock-awesome mixes, you guys. 

We made it to Vegas just in time for dinner at Steve's sister's house. She has literally 2 of the cutest kids I have ever seen, ever, so we hung out there for a little bit, and then got ready to hit the strip, just to look around at night. 

Tony Stark stood in front of this very statue. The beginning of our fame?

Vegas is an interesting place on a Sunday night. The crowds are thinner and more hungover than on a Friday or Saturday, but the signs are just as vibrant and demanding. Everywhere, something is flashing in your face. There's always a bigger, brighter, or flashier sign. There's always a bigger jackpot. (There's always a bigger crackpot.) Smoke trails around you, unintentionally symbolizing the way money and dreams and clothes disappear so quickly around here. 

Despite all the smoke and glazed expressions, I did enjoy the following about Vegas at night:

*the lights

*the awesome spray-painter guy

*the statues

*the Bellagio fountains

Vegas is also an interesting place on a Monday morning! Winnie, Christine and I took our sweet time getting ready, which was too bad for Steve, whose nephew woke him up at 7 with a freezer pack to the face. 

We had Earl of Sandwich for breakfast / lunch, and that was one of the best decisions ever made in Vegas! 

Then we went to the penny slots. You have to put in $1 but then you can play a ton! At least I think you can....I didn't really understand the game, but I got $1.57. I took that little voucher and went to the next penny slot machine.  

And thatttt machine paid for my Earl of Sandwich! And gave me an extra $9 besides! Which I did not even mind. Thank you, Las Vegas. I knew I liked you. 

Vegas has a lot more to offer, too. We got an exclusive demonstration of how different sodas are made upstairs in the Coca Cola store, and also tasted sodas from all around the world. Some were delicus. Some were egregious. I guess you could say the same about a lot of things. 

We also found a free 10-minute 3D movie at the M&M store!

Palm trees are basically my favorite plant in the world, and there was an abundance of them in Vegas. Did you know that each palm tree costs $300? Sometimes I like to count them and figure out how much a specific street corner cost somebody. Maybe it was paid for by the people who played the penny slots and lost?

We bid farewell to the sparkling city and continued on our way to the Golden State: California!

Peggy-Sue was the first person to welcome us. We saw about a million signs advertising this cute little 50's diner and HAD to go! 

The second person to welcome us to Cali was a Finnish movie star. Actually, there were three of them! And they picked the booth right behind us to shoot their oh-so-famous gonna-be-a-big-fat-hit documentary of Peggy-Sue's Diner. Steve talked to them as if they were normal people. I stared at them as if they were movie stars. And I might have spent my meal leaning really far back, trying to get in as many shots as possible. 

We rolled into Steve's neighborhood in La Canada (pronounced The Canada, if you're a real local of the area) late at night, under a thick cover of some weird fog conjured up by Winnie's wish for a world full of clouds. 

You may not understand the following list of quotes, but try to enjoy them anyway:

"I feel like I'm in Seattle right now, where it rains 367 days out of the year. 

.....because there are 367 days in the year. Because it rains so much, that they get an extra 2 days in the year. 4 days? 3?"

"I just want some cream to rub on my....areas."

"You have to shower. What if someone sees you on TV, in hi-def, and they're like, daaaaang!"

S: You would pick that magazine. 

H: I picked it because it's political! And I'm intelligent.

S: You picked it because of the boobs. You have been all about boobs this weekend!

W: I guess you just always notice what you don't have?

"We need to just, stop having each other's backs."

"I'm gonna staple your face."

Obviously, it was a wonderful time :)