Spice Up your Closing Ceremonies

So, I was really tired today.

Probably about as tired as one might be if they had gone to bed at 6 in the morning.

Imagine watching the Closing Ceremonies of the Summer 2012 Olympics feeling like that.

It got a little bit trippy.

Which is why I decided to do this post on how I would have improved the Closing Ceremonies if I were the one in charge! Ehm:

1. I would have gotten rid of the roller-skating nuns. What? What was that?

2. I would have changed Jessie J's outfit. I would have given her a really fluffy charcoal-gray sparkly tulle skirt to wear with her leotard.

3. I would have reunited the Beatles. If the Spice Girls could come back together, so could the Beatles! [John Lennon and George Harrison would just have to work something out. It's the Olympics. Get it together, guys.]

4. I would not have formed anyone's face with weird white puzzle pieces.

5. I would have kindly asked Annie Lennox to not perform.

How scary is this woman??

6. I would have definitely kept the Spartans out of it.

7. I would have given One Direction a cooler stage. If Annie Lennox gets a pirate ship, my boys definitely deserve something a little fancier.

Also, they would have been given a solid hour. And since I would be the one in charge, I would be on stage with them. And they'd be singing right to me. 

8. You KNOW there would have been no Russell Brand in my Closing Ceremonies.

9. Prince Harry would get double the face time that he did.

At least double. 

10. George Michael would not have sung "Freedom" or whatever the heck he sang. He would have sung "Faith."

  

11. The Spice Girls would not have stopped after only two songs. They would have stopped after.....twenty songs.

12. Victoria Beckham would have given me her dress after the Closing Ceremonies were over. (Also her husband.) What?

If only I really had been in charge. Even McKayla would have to be impressed.

via

Sweet Skills

So the other day, I was watching the Bachelorette, and Emily said that she didn't feel like she had a lot of talents. My immediate reaction was, "What the heck Emily! Yes you do! You're awesome! You're so pretty and nice and sometimes you say funny things!" And then I realized that "being pretty" doesn't count as a talent.

Neither does being nice, and even saying funny things occasionally can't really be counted as a talent.

And then I realized that I don't have that many talents either. Here are the things that I consider my talents:

- teaching (this is to be seen, I guess)
- txting
- typing fast
- writing (letters, blogs, papers, etc.)
- hair-doing
- nannying
- trying new recipes
- facebook-stalking (I'm not as good as Winnie, but I'm pretty good at it)
- singing a little bit and piano a little bit and dancing a little bit
- packing lots of stuff into a little bag / suitcase / car

Anyways. That looks like a pretty decently-sized list, but when you think about it, none of those talents would get me landed on America's Got Talent. So I am determined to get some new talents. Some cool ones!

Here are the talents I want to develop:

- doing pull-ups on a pull-up bar. These are always impressive. I want to be able to do EIGHT.
- trick-riding on a horse. I need a horse for this, so I might not actually be able to develop this talent until I have married a cowboy.
- playing the ukulele. So I guess I will need a ukulele. After I buy a car, I will get one.
- whistling. I've never been able to whistle. I'd really like to able to.
- making cream puffs. Maybe I will learn how while I'm home!

If anyone has advice for how I can master any of these talents, please let me know :)

Whataman

Once upon a time, there was a family that started out with a girl. Then another girl came, and then another girl, and then another girl. All of these girls were quite welcome, but when finally the fifth child came, and he was a boy, there was great rejoicing in the land. 

That boy was arguably paid as much attention as an infant as Prince Harry himself was. His parents loved him, and his sisters fawned over him. He could do no wrong. His name was Joseph, and he was born on May 13th, 16 years ago. 

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit that we may have taught him how to kiss our hands and open doors for us with a hand flourish and an "after you." And we also might have let him dress up in a sea-foam green princess dress once. 

But no matter what we did, Joseph has turned out downright manly. He is taller than me. He has a man voice. The picture above shows him before he turned into a man all of a sudden. Kind of overnight.

I love how helpful Joseph is. He is just a nice boy! When I ask for his help with something, he kindly gives it. He is really patient with me when I am accidentally dumb at something. 

He is also fun to play with. I love playing nerts with him, or Just Dance, or basketball, or biking with him, or Ticket to Ride, or anything else. He is fun to play with and he is so cute - I mean, manly - when he is explaining the rules to me.

Joseph is awesome because he is super-smart. I remember him reading the Harry Potter books when he was only 6 or 7. It was so cute because the book was like, as big as him.

Last year for Joseph's birthday, I took a trip with him and Julie to Virginia Beach. We stayed with some family friends and had a great little weekend. He let us listen to whatever music we wanted to in the car and didn't even act judgey! 

Joseph is super-handsome. See above.

Joseph is versatile. He can be serious, but he is also silly a lot of the time. He does funny poses in pictures and joins in when we burst into a silly song at the dinner table. 

He is a good brother to all of his sisters. One time when we were younger, I was sitting in the study and he and Julie walked in. 

"Oh, hi Sister Johnson!" Julie said. "Thank you sooo much for agreeing to watch Bud today."

"I....." I started to interrupt, but then didn't have anything to say.

"I'll be back at around 4?" Julie said, smiling sweetly at me.

"Sure?" I said. 

"Okay, bye! Bud, be good for Sister Johnson."

As it turns out, "Bud" was a game that Julie and Joseph played frequently. They were such cute little buddies then, and they continue to be now that they are both in high school. 

Joseph is also a good broder to Sarah. He and Jacob like to tease her, like older brothers do, but they really love and look out for her. Look at how manly he is dancing with her!

Okay, he usuallllllyy takes good care of her.

Joseph does track at school. This reminds me that he is a man because he runs like a man. And then he smells like a man. 

 And then, he poses like a man. 

I just think he is a freaking stud. With or without glasses, he looks so great!

Joseph is a leader. He is good with kids, and he is good at spotting the needs of others. I love to see the way he watches out for people who maybe don't have as many friends. He is sensitive and kind. But like, in a manly way :)

He is such a good brother to me. I think one way we really bonded was when I taught him piano lessons. He was my first student, so I tried out lots of new things with him. He was always patient and respectful. He practiced whatever I asked him to practice. I remember sitting next to him on the piano bench and just laughing with him. I love watching him play piano, because whenever he makes a mistake, he shakes his head and kind of grunts, and then fixes it. It's a funny little habit that I actually kind of picked up.....

Maybe from having so many sisters, Joseph has gotten really good at consoling me by saying just one or two things. When I'm annoyed, he'll listen to me vent, and then he'll just think about it for a minute, and then he'll say his one-liner, and then I'll feel better. Just like that. He is so handy to have around.  

I love you Joseph! I love the way you want me to cut your hair even though I suck at it. I love how you aren't too cool to join in on dance parties that we like to randomly have. I love how you develop your own interests in things like LOTR and then you want to share those things with me. You are so great for so many reasons! Keep manning it up!

The Price is Right

California is the home of many famous people. One of those people is named Drew Carey, and he is famous because he hosts TV shows. One of those TV shows is "The Price is Right." If you've never seen it, it's a show where all these people win cars and BBQ grills and tons of money. I need a car for next semester, so this was my plan for how to get one. 

Unfortunately, cars are never free, even when you win one on TV. Even when Oprah gives one to everyone in the audience. Our chance at winning a car cost us our sleep. 

Kimmy and Tyler got to California at about midnight, and we looked up information on the show. Everyone online advised us to be in line at the studio by at least 4. They insisted that anyone who showed up any later hadn't even gotten in the studio. The line was around the block by 3. If we didn't get in line by 2, we would be fed to crocodiles for our tardiness. Etc.

We took turns taking naps and showering and getting ready. Then, at 4:30, we drove to the studio.

There were three people in line. I know, I know. It is shocking that everything on the internet is not 100% accurate. Weird.

We got in line behind the.....crazed mob.....set up our lawn chairs, and started taking pictures.

For some reason, I didn't feel tired enough to sleep. So I just sat there and chatted and txtd and watched the sun rise and got all excited about winning my car. (*Side note - the whole time we were getting ready and sitting and waiting, I thought it was really funny to keep saying, "You get a car! You get a car! And you get a car!" like Oprah. Do you think that's funny? Cuz I did.)

The rest of the morning is a little bit of a blur, but includes the following:

-Entering the girls bathroom and encountering a grown man who was....waiting for his mom?

-And leaving. And waiting for him to leave before re-entering. 

-Getting interviewed by Sexy-man Stan, the producer. His picture is below. 

                            

Our interview went something like this:

Stan: Hi, Heather. How are you doing?

Me: !!!!! Oh! Good, how are you? (smiling like a crazy person....)

Stan: Good, good. And what is it you do?

Me: I teach! I'm a student! I go to....I....okay. Ha sorry! I'm a student at BYU, but I'm going to be a 2nd grade teacher in August. 

Stan: Okay, so you're not teaching til August, that means you have lots of time to watch The Price is Right?

Me: Oh! Yeah! I do!

Stan: Yeah? 

Me: Yeah!

Stan: What's your favorite game on the show?

Me: (I have never seen a single episode.) Plinko! (I barely heard this word mere hours before my interview....)

Stan: Oh yeah, what do you like about it?

Me: (I have heard about it?) I just like it, it's so fun to say. Plinko! You know? 

Stan: Yeah, what's not to like about a game where you don't have to do anything but drop something and hope you win, right?

Me: Yeah!

Stan: Okay, well maybe we'll get you up on the show for some Plinko-playing. 

Me: That would be great!

Stan: (on the next person). 

Our morning also included:

-Sharing a $10 hamburger and fries. We called it our entrance fee and felt a little better, since getting into the show was free. 

-Having a huge back-scratching fest and napping all over each other before being let into the studio. 

-Laughing at the guys sitting across from us who were obviously impressed and a little baffled by Steve's steeze, as he was the token male in a group of 3 girls and it looked like all of them constantly wanted him to sit by them / talk to them / scratch their backs....

-Getting my scissors confiscated until the end of the show.

H: Winnie was the mom in Las Vegas

Ch: I was the mom at Disney

H: I can be the mom at the beach!

S: Who's your daddy??

-Seeing the studio in real life and almost dying because it was so dang cute. 

-Needing to pee. Sooooo, frick-innn, ba-ad. 

-Dancing around to YMCA, Dynamite, All I do is Win, and other wonderful songs to get us pumped about winning. 

-Being sat in the FRONT ROW, right behind the contestant pulpits, what's uppp!?

-Sitting 5 feet away from this guy (below)

-Discovering that that guy is kind of rude in real life....and feeling a little less dazzled. 

-Kind of falling in love with this guy:

He is the announcer guy. He was wearing a white suit with a pink shirt and looked so fly, and was way nicer than Drew!

**IMPORTANT!!! If you want to see me on TV, or my friends, or that guy in the picture above who I kind of fell in love with, our show will be airing on MAY 10th, 2012. And our faces will be all up on your screen. And you will feel a little more famous, because you know me. And I'm not sure, but you might see me smack a stranger's butt. But the details are a little fuzzy. So maybe that didn't happen. There's only one way to find out!**

To continue, the afternoon included:

-Walking dazedly out of the studio and into the sunlight. 

-Somehow making our way back to the car and back to Steve's house. 

-Napping on a merry-go-round bed: as soon as one person was done showering, they woke up the next person and took their spot on the bed. 

-Going to Universal City Walk for dinner at Bucca di Beppo and eating the best meal any of us has ever experienced! 

-Leaving Bucca di Beppo to run around City Walk and take the following pictures:

pregnant.....

The boys were actually really good at humoring us with these pictures. They just kept taking them and throwing out suggestions and encouragement. And the picture above was taken through someone's legs....so you know that is real commitment to a craft.

The roads in La Canda are pretty windy and curvy, and because of that, conversations like this happen:

W: Steve, are you taking us to a lookout point?

S: Oh! Do you guys want to go to one?

C: YES!

W: I can't believe Steve's taking us all to a lookout point right now. 

H: Yeah, I feel like we need some sort of initiation ceremony....

Ch: Ahhh! (scrabbling at the car door handle, trying to get out)

H: How do you know about this lookout point?

W: Yeah, how many girls have you kissed up here?

S: Actually, I don't think I've.....ever kissed a girl up here. (Totally unconcerned)

Later, while we're at the lookout point....

C: Okay, Steve. If you really want to say you've kissed someone up here, you can kiss me on the cheek. 

S: I'm alright.....

(Everyone dying of laughter as we get back in the car)

S: Do you want to go up higher?

H: Oh yeah, Christine might make out with you if we go any higher!

In conclusion, it was a lovely lookout point. And we all kept our spit to ourselves.