My Famous People Pants

I have a pair of shorts that, when I wear them, make me irresistibly attractive to famous people.

The first time I wore these shorts, I watched Taylor Swift in concert.

I was working at a concession stand, making lemonade, watching the concert through slats in the fence. Since Kelly and I were working together, we would take turns going into the pavilion to watch her, but we actually had a fantastic view from our lemonade stand. Taylor put on an amazing show, and she performed for about two and a half hours, after Kellie Pickler and Gloriana Road opened for her. I got paid $42.71 to watch her :)

The second time I wore the shorts, I was working at Coldstone. It was a normal kind of day. I was making ice cream on the stone for someone I didn't know. All of a sudden, Bryson came and stood next to me to mix some ice cream on the stone. He said quietly, "Is that Donny Osmond?"

I freaked. I almost dropped my spade, I was so excited. My head jerked up and I looked around before remembering that I don't know what Donny Osmond looks like. "Wait, where?" I said. Still looking down, Bryson said, "There. In the black shirt. Calm down, he's right there. He just ordered."

I casually glanced up, found the guy in the black shirt, and almost dropped my spade again. There, in all the glory of an amazing technicolor dream coat, stood Donny Osmond.

I looked down. The fact that I wouldn't have been able to identify him in a police lineup didn't even matter. He was in my store, and he was famous. I almost peed in my famous people pants.

Bryson rang up Donny and his wife, checked the name on the credit card, and handed it back. He then ambled over to where I was mixing some more ice cream on the stone. I was shivering a little because Donny Osmond was now standing in front of me, leaning on the counter, waiting for his shake.

"It was totally him," Bryson said, not bothering to keep his voice down.

I looked up, confused. Yep, that was Donny in front of me, in clear earshot of Bryson.

"Bryson," I said, trying to warn him.

He continued, "I checked the name on the card, and it was totally him."

"Bryson!" I said, quietly, "Look up."

Staring at the wall, Bryson grinned a little as he said, "Yeah, I just played it cool, handed him back his card, didn't say anything."

I coughed. "Bryson. Bryson, look up," I said again.

He looked up, right into Donny Osmond's unamused eyes. He looked down. "I'm gonna....go in the back now," he said, and headed into the back room to get over his embarrassment.

The third time I wore my famous people pants, I was again working at Coldstone. This time, I noticed a man who looked vaguely familiar ordering his ice cream. He was blonde, and after taking about four looks, I was certain I had seen him before. His wife (or the woman who was presumably his wife) asked me what my favorite kind of shake was. I was so flustered that I forgot that my favorite kind is obviously strawberry mango and said berry lemony. She said, "Okay, I'll get a love it of that kind then!" I smiled and said "Okay."

I turned around like I was going to make a normal shake. Bryson was working on a shake on the backline. I slammed a blender on the counter and said, in my best inside voice, "BRYSON! Is that a famous person??" He looked a little alarmed and started to turn around. "Bryson GOSH why do you have to be so obvious?" I asked.

It was then that I realized I had forgotten what I was going to make and turned around to double-check. "Sorry, what size did you want again?" I asked. The lady smiled kindly and told me she wanted a love it. I got to work.

"This has to be the best shake ever," I said, feverishly throwing ingredients in the blender. "It's for famous people."

"Wait, how is he famous?" Bryson asked. I shook my head at his ignorance.

"He's the guy," I said, "the blonde guy in Singles Ward. Hiram. And he's in The Home Teachers, he's the main guy in it." I stuck my blender in the machine and pushed start. Suddenly I felt frantic. Was Berry Lemony even good? Why had I suggested such a thing to famous people?

I looked over at the cash register, where the famous people were paying. "What did you get?" Hiram was asking his wife. She answered him and gestured towards me, saying that I had said it was my favorite.

"OH, a personal recommendation?" Hiram said, enthusiastically. He nodded in my direction. I smiled what I'm sure was a very unnatural smile. My feelings of nervousness over the smoothie, plus a sort of crazed excitement to be in the presence of famous people just kind of came together on my face. Knowing that I must look insane, I turned back to the blender, yanked out the smoothie, and started pouring it into a Love It cup.

"Ohmygosh Bryson, they looked at me. This has to be the best smoothie ev....." I'm not quite sure how it happened, but at this moment, the smoothie just fell over on the counter. I was horrified. "BRYSON!" I whispered.

"Way to go," he said, laughing - laughing! "Spilling the famous people's smoothie."

"They'll never come back," I thought sadly, flinging some strawberries in the blender and covering them with sorbet mix. "This is awful! How could I spill their smoothie....I have never spilled a smoothie! This is the first smoothie I've ever spilled. They're going to go and tell all their famous friends about this terrible experience. No famous people will ever come here again! That's it! Game over!" I think I went cross-eyed with how upset I was that I had just ruined my whole entire life.

Finally their smoothie was ready, and I turned around to hand it to Hiram's wife over the ghea.

"Sorry that took so long, because I accidentally spilled it, because I got really excited, because aren't you in movies?!" I chattered at Hiram.

He smiled and said, "Yeah, I am, what's your name?"

My name! He was asking about my name! "I'm Heather!" I said, really excited.

He reached out his hand. I gasped and quickly wiped my hand on my apron. We shook hands and he said, "Mike Birkeland. Nice to meet you."

I almost fell on the floor. I think I said something dumb like, "Ohhh, nice to meet youu, come back soon!" but I really can't remember.

As you can see, I'm gradually getting more contact with the famous people. At Taylor Swift's concert, there was no personal interaction. When Donny Osmond came in, he was close, but I didn't speak to him at all. When Michael Birkeland came in, I introduced myself and shook his hand. The next time a famous person comes in, we will probably sit and talk for an hour or so. I'll let you know who it is!