The Do's and Don'ts of Coming into Coldstone

As I think all of you know, I am working right now at Coldstone. Most of the time, I love my job! But sometimes, I don't like it quite as much as others. So I am going to make a list of

The Do's and Don'ts of Coldstone Customership

Do:

1. Upgrade from a Like it! size to a Love it! size. Every time someone asks for a Like it!, we have to say "Are you sure you don't want the Love it, it's only 30 cents more and almost twice as much ice cream!" or some variation of that. It only makes logical sense to upgrade. And we Coldstone employees have goals to meet. I would rather just send you home empty-handed than serve you a Like it.

Besides which, I am personally offended when you don't upgrade. People use the same excuses over and over again, but none of them really make sense. If you're not hungry enough for a Love it!, you can put a lid on your ice cream and take it home. If you are watching your figure, you should just go for a sinless shake instead. Ice cream is probably not the right choice for you. If you hate ice cream, you are in the wrong place.

So, if you don't upgrade, it has to be because of me. I can and do take it personally when you reject my attempts to upsell to you.

2. Tip, please! When people tip, I am immediately endeared to them. I feel that they understand my plight as a poor college student and want to help me. Sometimes, people will be really annoying and do any number of the things on the Don't list, and then they won't tip. This makes me mad if I complied with all their requests with a pleasant smile. Plus we sing when you tip!

3. Get a cone when you get a kid's size. They are free! I don't even care if you throw it in the trash can right after you (don't) pay for it. It helps us make our waffle goal and it's freeee! Everyone wins.

4. Be a famous person. :)

5. Switch out ice for one of the sorbets if you are getting a smoothie. When we run out of ice, we have to use sorbet to make the smoothie instead. I think this makes the smoothie even more delicious and it makes it have a more even consistency. You should just ask for this whether there is ice or not.

6. Go for a medium-ly darker-looking waffle bowl. A lot of people ask for the lighter waffle bowls, but they don't realize that the darker ones are better. This does not mean, the darker the better! Because sometimes they are just burned. But don't think that just because a waffle bowl is super light, that means it is going to be super delicious. Instead, it will probably just be super chewy.

Don't:

1. Try to sample all the flavors when there is a line out the door. If there is no one else in the store, I really don't care if you want to get lots of samples. By all means, be educated in your decision, but please. Let's not go crazy now.

2. Come in five minutes before we close. This is a time of the day when our stats are very sensitive. There are times when we've only just barely made our goals, and one kids scoop of plain ice cream can make all our hard work go crashing to the ground. If you must come in at this time, when we have already started closing, you'd better be ordering a Gotta Have it! signature with two extra mix-ins in a dipped waffle bowl.

3. Order Sinless Sans Fat or Berry Tart & Tangy Frozen Yogurt. These two flavors are Satan in dessert form. They are so hard to mix, and I promise you, if I am the one making your ice cream, you will be getting a teeny portion.

4. Ask for like sixteen water cups when it is really busy. Asking for sixteen water cups when there are no other customers for miles around is not a big deal. Asking for sixteen water cups when there are thousands of customers, all clamoring for my attention, is a big deal. Please do not do this.

5. Get Peanut Butter Cup Perfection if you are on a date. It is delicious, for sure! But it will also make you gassy and irritable. You will find yourself in an uncomfortable position. Don't say I didn't warn you.

6. Take the brownies sitting above the other mix-ins in the Provo store. They are not free samples. One time, a girl just reached in, took a brownie, and started eating it. Right in front of me. I stared at her, incredulous. "Are these free samples?" she asked through a mouthful of chocolate. I shook my head. She ended up paying for it, but I still confused about how she thought they would be free. The brownies are under a dome that opens only to the people behind the stone. She would have had to turn it all the way around so it was facing her before she could reach in and get one. Wasn't that a tip-off that they were not for her? Do not be this girl.

These lists are not all-inclusive by any means. I'm sure I will think of more things as soon as I hit "Publish Post," but for now, at least there's the same number of Do's as Don'ts. I hope everyone has been well-educated! And come visit me sometime :)