Ice cream Fans

I am taking a class this semester to learn about how I can use technology in my teaching. It happens every Wednesday evening, and only 6 students are in my section.

The first week, I was in California, so I missed class. Oops.

The second week, I was working until 4, and class starts at 4, so I didn't get there until almost 4:30. Ooooops. I felt really bad showing up that late, so I brought some ice cream with me. I didn't know the class was so small. I just felt bad. I thought maybe I could give the ice cream to my teacher and tell him sorry for missing the first week and a half-hour of the second week.

But when I walked in, the teacher was standing at the front of the room teaching and 5 girls turned to watch me come in. I sat down, suddenly feeling a little silly for having brought ice cream. Who does that?? Campaigners do that. Brown-nosers. Etc.

So my ice cream sat in my bag. And I sat in my seat, worrying. The ice cream was melting. I should share it! But I didn't have any spoons. How could we eat it? Maybe there were spoons downstairs. Should I offer it to my teacher? Should I explain? Should I offer it to my classmates? Should I just....let it melt?

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I raised my hand.

"Okay so.....I just want to say. That the reason I was late, is because I was at work. But I still feel really bad about being late, so I brought some ice cream, but I don't have any spoons, but it's sitting in my bag melting, and I'm kind of getting stressed about it, but I was wondering if I could go and like, find some spoons, and I could share it with everybody?"

My teacher blinked at me. He's a really nice man who was majoring in pre-med and then switched to technology, and he has a cute little wife and like 3 kids. He's one of those people whose face is naturally set in a smile.

"What am I supposed to say to that?" he asked, "No! Let the ice cream melt!" He laughed at himself. "I'm just kidding, um...."

"I have a spoon," said one of the girls. She sheepishly pulled one out of her backpack.

"Oh....me too," said another girl.

And just like that, everyone pulled a spoon out of their backpack. And we happily passed the ice cream around and partook. And now, every week, I bring any mess-ups to my class. And we eat and be merry. And my teacher once emailed us and said, "Hello ice cream fans!" to start out his email.

It's a pretty good summer term.

Menstruating Monsters Approaching

Last night, I was at work at Coldstone. I stood behind the register, cheerfully ringing people up. Customers scooted through the line, cheerfully ordering their ice cream.

"This looks so good!" one girl said to me as I rang her up.

"I love that kind!" I agreed.

"I'm going to be having cramps for a week because of it, but whatever," she added, holding out her credit card.

My hand froze mid-credit card grab. "Are you lactose-intolerant?" I asked, a little alarmed.

"No, just when I'm menstruating, I get really....." she trailed off. "Why am I telling you this?"

I laughed and took her card. "That's okay," I said, "I get it."

"You know what I mean?" she continued. "Just with your cycle, you sometimes really shouldn't eat ice cream that is drowning in caramel and other yummy stuff, but sometimes you just really want it."

The receipt printed. "I know what you mean!" I assured her, handing her the receipt. "Can you just sign there?"

She took the pen. "I still don't know why I told you all that...." she said, signing the receipt.

But in real life, I didn't even mind that much. She was actually one of my favorite customers of the night.....maybe even of ever.

Mistakes you Shouldn't Make

I just went to a seminar on Saturday that was about not confusing preferences with fundamentals. The speaker said we should never teach preferences as fundamentals, but we should also never teach fundamentals as preferences. Think about it for a second. Feel the enlightenment wash over you.

Here are some other things you should never do, with regards to mix-ups:

-Mistake the mix-in brownies for free samples of brownies at Coldstone. You won't be the first one if you do, and you probably won't be the last, but we'll still look at you like the only one who ever even thought about doing such a thing.

-Mistake expectations / standards with relationship mind games. You don't need to play games, necessarily, but you do need to have expectations. Sometimes people don't have expectations and it's weird.

-Mistake a CTR ring for a wedding ring.

-Mistake wasabi for guacamole.

-Similarly, you should try not to mistake neosporin for whipped cream when you put it on your finger and realize you have too much and then before you have time to wipe it off, someone offers you a piece of pie and you gratefully accept and eat your whole piece of pie, all the while gingerly holding your finger away from your pie, until the end, when you have forgotten about the neosporin and only remember the delicious pie that you were just fed and you think that is whipped cream on your finger and you eat it and then get really worried that you're going to die.

-Mistake run-on sentences for well-developed ideas.

-Mistake friendliness with flirtiness. Also vice versa. Both mistakes can be embarrassing....for both parties.

-Mistake Jimmer for Obama. Not sure who did that....

-On that note, you should never mistake Faith Hill for Oprah Winfrey. Even if the lighting is weird in the picture. Also not sure who did that. Once. When I was like 12. Whatever.

-Mistake girls who are hard to get with girls who are playing hard to get. One time a guy accused my sister's roommate of playing hard to get, and my sister said, "Maybe we're not playing. Maybe we just are hard to get."

-Mistake busyness for standoffishness. There's no need to get all miffed if the girl you are interested in is kind of hard to get ahold of, or hard to get a date with. She's probably not a heartless bee who is surely playing you. Maybe she's just really awesome :)

-Mistake a guy and a girl who are really good friends for a couple. A wedding isn't the only excuse to buy a suit, even though it is a good one.

-Mistake Courtney for someone who is sweet and genuine.

Real Courtney.

Fake Courtney!!

And finally, please don't:

-Mistake Ben for a really awesome, clever, to-die-for gentleman. He is a clown. His hair is a sin. He looks like Francine. From Arthur.

And on that note about ineligible bachelors, here is a wonderful song:

And I couldn't agree more :)

Sicky vs. Pregnant

This weekend, I was very productive. And I had a lot of fun. And I got a lot of sleep. And I felt so great the whole weekend.

Then this morning, I woke up, and I was very post-nasal drippy, and my head was in a metaphorical bucket, and my throat was annoyed, and my ears were sad. And even though I did take a nap, and took some medicine, and drank some caramel-spice apple cider from Starbucks -which, in my book, is every bit as good as medicine - nothing has changed about my condition. In fact, it has worsened.

As it turns out, I get very needy when I'm sick. I just feel like everyone should give me lots of tender loving care and anticipate my needs. Then I realize how unrealistic and unfair that is, and I get annoyed at myself. So it's a vicious cycle.

Furthermore, I don't know how I got sick, but there are many possible culprits. Girls in my classes, people I tutored in the Writing Center, people I sat by at the football game on Friday....any of them could have been the one who thoughtlessly spread their germs to me. As I sat in class, sniffling and feeling sorry for myself, I looked around at all the other girls sniffling and felt acutely annoyed at all of them. I didn't know who to blame, so I blamed everyone. I glared at them and thought, "You did this to me!"

When I went to work tonight, I told this to a guy I work with, named Chris. He laughed and said, "You're going to be terrible to be around when you're pregnant."

My wrath found a new target right when these words finished coming out of his mouth.

"What?" I snapped. "No I won't. I'll be nice. Why would you say that?"

Chris put his hands out in a conciliatory gesture. "Calm down," he said, "I just mean....'you did this to me?' When you're pregnant you might think that.....never mind, calm down!"

I hate when people tell me to calm down. It's not like I'm out of hand. But if you keep telling me to calm down, I just might reach that point.

"No, that's completely different," I argued. "I don't know who got me sick. And I didn't ask for their germs. When I'm pregnant, I'm going to know who got me pregnant. And I'm going to be happy about it."

Chris nodded patronizingly at me. "You're right," he said, obviously just to appease me.

It was very annoying.

It's okay, though. You want to know why?

1. I got a string of pearls today! They are beautiful and I love them and I'm so excited and I'm never taking them off.

2. I am going to be better tomorrow. I just will be.

3. Taylor Swift is coming on Wednesday!!! And I am going to see her! And I am seriously going to pee my pants, I am so excited :) :) :)

Inner Turmoil

is so fun.

You know what else is so fun? (And by that I mean, you know what actually is fun...)

-Pong Night

-learning French

-working at Coldstone again

-laying out at the pool with Caitlin

-Temple Tuesdays with Rachel

-getting my toes done by Bana

-free food

-indecent news

-gojane.com

-trampolines

-Baachi

-rodeos

In conclusion, SUMMER is fun. I'm just a summer girl :)

(Side note: if you make that song into a pandora station, and you are anything like me, you will be a happy person.)

Not to be a Creeper, but....

Remember that time that I posted a blog about Tuesday Night at Coldstone?

Here's a link, if you forgot about it.

Anyway, I just saw on facebook that Tuesday Night got engaged to the blonde girl! What whaaaaat, who called it?? Oh, right. That was me. I was there, you guys! I saw them on their first date and I just knew they were going to get married. Then I was like, whoa, Heather, isn't that a little extreme? I mean it's just a first date. But I guess I should have just trusted my own intuition.

It's just hard to trust my intuition when sometimes I'm SO so wrong. Like when I predict that one of my best friends will meet her husband in DC and instead she meets a bunch of tools whom I would be offended if she married. Or when I predicted that my sister would get pregnant while I was gone and the closest this comes to being true is her having a dream about getting pregnant. Or when Prince Charming is not so charming after all. Well, he is really charming, but also just really dumb.

Was your 2010 as Awesome as Mine?

Cuz mine was pretty awesome. Here are some of the awesomest parts of my year.....in chronological order, I think:

1. Going shooting with Uncle Brett! It was my first time shooting a gun and it was very fun. Almost as fun as the photo shoot we had afterwards.

2. My floral design class. I didn't love Winter Semester 2010, but this was one class I did love. I made all sorts of arrangements. Including, I learned how to make boutonnieres and corsages, which I made for Kelly's wedding :)

3. Finals week of winter semester. I had lovely roommates in the winter and we all separated in the summer :( To finish off our semester together, we pulled our mattresses out and had a sleepover, all week long. We got henna tattoos. And made smoothies. And watched movies. And kind of studied.

4. Nannying. I nannied the summer after my freshman year and I got to go back and nanny for the same kids again for about a month this summer. I love Malan and Owen so much, so that was wonderful!

5. Going to Trafalga. Chelsea worked there over the summer so she got me and some other friends in for free! We had a blasty-blast trick-riding on the carousel, racing the go-carts, and riding on all the rides past close.

6. Stadium of Fire. It was my first year going and it was awesome! I love Carrie Underwood and thought she did a fantastic job.

7. Lehi Roundup! Not long after Stadium of Fire I went to my first LEGIT rodeo in Utah. I was not disappointed! I went with my friends Brinley and Alyssa. I love cowboys so obviously I was in heaven.

8. Working. I had two great jobs this year that I absolutely loved. I started working at ColdStone in February and then at the BYU Writing Center in the summer (as an intern). I wasn't exactly thrilled with either job to begin with, but I quickly came to love them. The only pictures I have of Coldstone and the Writing Center are the ones I'm posting here....

At the Writing Center, Kylie and I are showing off our twin fingernails. On the wall behind us, please notice the thankful turkeys that everyone made for Thanksgiving.

At ColdStone, I am saying goodbye to Bruce, who was kind of my husband, because he decided to go to college.

9. Cornbelly's! This year was my first time going to Cornbelly's and I think I was converted. I love love loved it and will definitely be going back next year.

And finally,

10. Being the MOH at Kelly's wedding. I got to be home for Thanksgiving, give a speech, and dress up. Win win win. Not to mention, I think Dahl is the best brother-in-law ever, so all in all, their wedding easily makes this list.

I could put sooo many other things on this list. My birthday, for instance, was one of the best I've ever had. Halloween was amazing, as usual. I loved all the times I got to lay out by the pool just soaking up the sun and eating free hamburgers, and my trip to Texas was an adventure, to say the least. For the first time this summer, I enjoyed camping. I loved going to General Conference in Salt Lake, my trip to Park City to see Shawn White, and going to the Manti Pageant. It was awesome to see Nicole give the speech at her graduation and Sarah get baptized in May.

And the best part is, my life is only going to get awesomer! I am so ready for 2011 and all the awesomeness it promises :)

Finals can make you write pointless blog entries.

Today was a confusing day for feelings.

I said goodbye to my friends at the Writing Center. (Kind of sad but I had so much fun today so, not too sad.)

Then I walked to my last final. (Excited! Almost done!)

Then it took 2 hours. (Oh. My. Goshhhh.)

But then I was done! (Yay!)

Then I called my dad. It stressed me out because I still haven't sold my contract and he got stressed, so I got stressed. (Sad slash stressed.)

Then I got home. (Tired.)

Then I saw that I had gotten a package! With presents for my friends! (Excited!)

Then I saw that none of my roommates were home. Larissa was out with friends, Caitlin is now in Maryland, and AnnaLisa was still on campus. (Looooonesome.)

Then I saw that That 70's Show was on! (Whoa excited!)

Then That 70's Show was over. (Tired.)

And then I just felt really tired. And I wrote a crappy blog post. (Dissatisfied with myself.)

As you can see, it was a confusing day for my feelings. I think the reason I wanted to blog in the first place was just to say that I think I've been really lucky this semester. I have loved my ward, loved my roommates, and loved both of my jobs. I've had awesome home teachers and a wonderful bishop. I've had so many people treat me kindly and befriend me. So I think that, I am actually lucky to be a little sad to be leaving. If I was 100% excited, maybe it would be because I wasn't so happy where I am now.

Regardless, I am excited to be going to Disney World. I decided today that my word that I am going to live by next year is going to be "adapt." No matter where I end up, or what happens to me, I am going to love it. I am going to go new places and do new things, and I am going to be just ridiculously happy about it.

Everybody's Gonna Love Today

You know what is really great? My morning playlist. Waking up to Mika, Britney Spears, Flo Rida, Michael Jackson, and Justin Bieber just makes life so much better. And it makes it so I end the semester on a really good note.

Why My Life was Awesome on Thursday:

1. Theresa brought raspberry muffins into the Writing Center today. She made them from scratch. They are the best muffins she has ever made. I loved them. And her.

2. I tutored a Brazilian. He was from Brazil. He spoke Portuguese. He had a Brazilian accent. He was Brazilian. I tutored him.

3. I had lunch with Kelly. We have had lunch almost every day this semester and I realized I am going to miss it so much when I am in Disney World! Right now, this is what our lunch goes like:

-I txt kelly and say, "Lunch at 12?" or whatever time.

-She txts me back and says, "Yes :)"

-We meet at the CougarEat and get in line at L&T. Or wherever.

-She talks. I talk. We talk. Sometimes our conversations are random, sometimes organized. We kind of just go back and forth and it doesn't always make sense if you are just listening in.

Here's what I'm wondered my lunch will look like in Disney World:

-me to random friend at work: Hey, do you want to go get lunch?

-friend: yeah sure!

-We go to a random cart or restaurant. We order our food. We sit.

-And sit.

-me: So. Work is fun today huh?

-her: Yeah. I love Disney World, don't you?

-me: Yeah.

-We sit.

I am just so worried that it won't be as fun!

4. I had my last health class. I loved this class, even though it was only once a week and we missed like a whole month of classes, since my teacher was sick or there was a holiday or I had my sister's wedding or whatever else. Anyway, today we got our final and it is going to be so easy and I am so excited about it.

5. I sent Crystal a letter! We were roommates last year and it was so fun. We are kind of opposite but somehow we became really good friends. Unfortunately, she moved to Hawaii to go to school there, so now we only get to communicate through txting. We've been talking about being pen pals all semester and I finally got around to sending a letter today. It was so exciting! Sending letters is really one of my favorite pasttimes.

6. I took a nap. I love naps with all my heart, might, mind, soul, brain, strength, bosom. Everything about me loves naps.

7. I worked with Jackie. I was planning on going 80's dancing but that fell through, so I went to work at Coldstone instead. It was really fun to work at Jackie because I haven't seen her in forever! She left at about 10:30 and Ashlyn covered the rest of her shift which was also awesome because I haven't seen her in even longer. Like, since we went mancamping.

8. As roommates, we decided to do a dare of the week, every week. We had to complete the dare by the week and then report back to each other. We are still on our first dare because Caitlin and I, who have been named the social ones of the apartment, are chickens and cannot bring ourselves to compliment a random boy on his physical appearance. Not sure why this is so hard but I've tried to do it like ten times and every time, I get super-nervous and just look away. Or run away.

This made the list of things that made my day awesome for a reason, I promise.

It's because today, this boy came into ColdStone. He was a college student and was with two other friends, a girl and a boy. He had pretty eyes that went really well with his shirt. I thought about the dare. I tried to work up the courage to tell him that his eyes looked pretty.

I opened my mouth.

"Um, do you want this in a waffle bowl?" I asked.

"Oooh," he said. "I'd better not. It's probably a lot more calories, huh?"

I shook my head. "No!" I said. "The waffle bowls are zero calories!" I say this every time a customer asks me about calories because it is so obviously false. You just need to not think about calories when you are in ColdStone. It's the only way to be happy. (If you want to be miserable, you can look at the nutritional information here.)

Anyway, he believed me for a second. He said, "Really?" and seemed to be considering the waffle bowl. A split second later, I started shaking my head on accident (I'm a really bad liar) and he stopped believing me.

"No, waffle bowls have calories. You're full of crap," he said. I put his ice cream in a boring old cup and brought it down to the cash register. He handed me his card and I rang up his ice cream.

"I can't believe you just said I'm full of crap!" I said. We talked a little bit more and I noticed that his eyes went really well with his shirt. I got really excited because I could easily say, "That shirt really brings out your eyes" and then I would have done the dare. I would probably never see this boy again anyway!

I opened my mouth to say my compliment, but before I could, he said: "Has anyone told you that you are really cute?"

I closed my mouth. "Um.....like ever?" I said.

"Like, today," he clarified.

"Nope, not today."

"Well I'll say it. You're just, really cute."

"Thank you!" I said. "That just made my day." So I appreciated the compliment, but I never did get to do the dare. I think I just need to learn how to compliment boys, besides saying "You're looking dapper today."

Tuesday NIGHT

I work every Tuesday night at Coldstone. And every Tuesday night, we have a certain customer come in who we like to call, "Tuesday Night."

The first time he came in, I thought he had lost a few of his marbles. He walked in as if he owned the place, struck a pose, glanced around, looked satisfied, sucked in his breath and then shouted, "Iiiiiiiiit's TUESDAY NIGHT! Tuesday night at COLDstone! YEAH!"

This is Tuesday Night (left) with one of his friends who came in with him this week.

I looked at Rhiannon, a little alarmed. Who was this person? Why was he acting in this manner? Rhiannon looked up from what she was doing, too, but seemed more annoyed than really concerned. I decided to ignore Tuesday Night and went back to scooping ice cream.

It wasn't long before Tuesday Night got to the front of the line. He leaned comfortably on the glass and smiled at us. "Are you guys PUMPED?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear. "It's Tuesday NIGHT!" The blonde girl he was with looked a little embarrassed and hit him playfully on the arm. "I don't know why he's doing this," she said, by way of apology.

At this point I started to think it was funny. I couldn't tell if Tuesday Night was having a horrible date with the blonde and was trying to get revenge by embarrassing her in public, or if he was completely enamored and was trying way too hard to impress her. Either way, it was entertaining to watch as he looked at her in mock offense. "Look at you," he said; then, turning to us, "Look at this girl, can you believe her? First she....she asks me on a date. Right? And then - then! She acts like I'm embarrassing her." He shook his head at us. "She doesn't understand that it is TUESDAY NIGHT at COLDstone!" he finished dramatically.

And so it continued. By the time we made it to the cash register, I wanted this couple to stay together forever and everyone in the store was openly staring at Tuesday Night. Some shook their heads, but most of them just laughed. If the blonde was embarrassed, she didn't show it. She calmly leaned against the wall, eating her ice cream, while Tuesday Night ran around the store, high fiving the other customers, learning the names of the crew members, bursting into song, and otherwise causing a ruckus that oozed enthusiasm for our store.

In my head, I made up an entire story, about how Tuesday Night and the blonde were on their first date together, and how they were going to kiss tonight. I was thrilled for them. I had practically planned their wedding announcements out. This whole dream was solidified when I told them the total and Tuesday Night looked at the blonde expectantly.

"Are you gonna get that, princess?" he asked, smirking.

She blinked up at him from her ice cream and slowly shook her head, laughing.

"Whatttt, what do you mean no? Look at this. This girl....Okay." said Tuesday Night, "If a girl asks a boy on a date, doesn't that mean she's going to pay for him?"

"I did not ask you on a date," the blonde said, laughing. "I maybe enticed you to ask me on a date but that is not the same thing! Youuu asked me."

Tuesday Night looked at her, beaming. ("Ohmygosh, he totally wants to kiss her," I thought. "He's going to. Tonight. Ahhhh.")

The blonde looked coolly at her ice cream and said, "Pay for me, yo."

Tuesday Night was ecstatic at her sassiness. He pulled out his money and paid. Then he gave me a high five that made me lose feeling in my hand and left, spewing cheers for Coldstone as he went.

Fast forward to Thursday night and repeat this exact scene. Only change one thing: the girl. I was shocked when I looked up on Thursday and saw Tuesday Night walking in with a short brunette. What happened to the blonde? I thought frantically. The first explanation that my brain was able to formulate was that maybe this was a different boy, but no. From the way that he was yelling about Coldstone, it was undeniably Tuesday Night, with a different girl.

I was a little sad, since the brunette did not play off of him as well as the blonde had. She liked him more than he liked her, so I was annoyed that he was here with her and not with the blonde. Nevertheless, it was still an enjoyable visit, and I began to wonder if Tuesday Night was going to come in every time I worked.

From then on, Tuesday Night has come in every Tuesday night but one, living up to his name. It is always very exciting. It got even more exciting one night when Sarah, one of my managers, was covering for Suiha, who usually works on Tuesday nights. I came into work and was greeted by this: "Heather, I met a boy!" I was very excited and listened as Sarah told me all about a new boy she had just met the night before. He was funny, nice, cute, etc. Sarah really felt interested in him, which hadn't happened in a long time! And he was going to come in to visit her, so I would get to meet him and approve.

Somehow our conversation turned around to Tuesday Night, and I told Sarah how glad I was that she was there. This time, she would get to meet Tuesday Night! So now we had two customers to look forward to seeing.

At some point in the night, I was in the back room doing dishes when I heard it:

"Oh, YEAH! Tuesday NIGHT! Whooo!!!"

I dropped whatever dishes I was holding and ran out to tell Sarah that Tuesday Night was here. She was at the stone and turned around when I approached her. "Heather," she said, "It's him." At the same time, I said, "Sarah, that's him!" Then, "What? How did you know?" Sarah looked confused at first, then horrified. She turned around and watched as Tuesday Night asked a customer what they were eating and then repeated their order in an excited yell for the whole store to hear.

"Oh my gosh," Sarah murmured.

Small world, I guess. You never know what is going to happen. At least some things stay consistent, though....Tuesday Night coming in every Tuesday night, for instance.

I wonder what will happen next week?

Here's What I Hate:

Campaigners.

I don't mean baby-kissing politicians who are campaigning for office. I don't mean peppy tweens armed with posters and cutesie catchphrases running for the elite position of student body president. I'm talking about campaigners in the workplace. Have you ever heard of them? Maybe not, but I would be willing to bet you know one or two. Depending on how much your life sucks, you might actually know three, or four, or ten. Whether you work in an office, a retail store in the mall, or an ice-cream parlor, you will, at one point or another, be forced to work alongside a campaigner.

"Campaigners" have also been called any number of the following names:

-suck-up

-kiss-butt

-teacher's pet

-goody two-shoes

-annoying pieces of crap.

On TV, we love them. They provide endless entertainment for us as they trip over themselves, trying to impress their boss, teacher, or the head cheerleader. Here are some of my favorite TV campaigners:

Dwight, from "The Office." As the assistant to the president, he is always trying to think of ways to climb the corporate ladder, improve his sales record, or get back at Jim Halpert. Click here for a video clip of Dwight preparing to ask for a raise.

Marc, from "Ugly Betty." Marc is one of my all-time favorite characters from any TV show ever. He is very eccentric and snaps out the snarkiest lines every time he opens his flamboyantly gay mouth. His sass and wit are only barely stifled by Wilhelmina, the stop-at-nothing schemer he works for. Click here for a video of Marc, (kind of) kowtowing to Wilhemina even while she is in the hospital.

But these people are fictional, and I don't have to work with them. That is the only reason that I think they are actually funny. I guess all I'm trying to say is, a new campaigner came into my life a few days ago. I'm pretty sure I was happier a few days ago, before that happened.

Here are some telltale signs that you are working with a campaigner:

1. They try to boss you.

Feelings you will probably experience immediately:

a. confusion. "WHAT? Who are you?"

b. indignation. "Why are you trying to boss me - me? I know what I'm doing!"

c. defensiveness. "I've worked here longer than you have! You have no right to boss me!"

d. anger. "If he tries to boss me again, I'm going to konk him on the head with a spade."

Possible Solutions:

a. Ignore their bossing. Remember when you were little, and someone at school, or in your family would try and tell you what to do? What did you say in those situations? I don't know about you, but I can remember a few times that I defiantly replied, "You're not the boss of me!" Remember this. The campaigner is not the boss of you either. You don't have to say it out loud, but there is no need to quietly take their bossing, either. You don't have to leave a riveting conversation with your fabulous sister and her awesome boyfriend just because there are five people in line and the campaigner yells "Heather! We need help." In a very serious and bossy tone. They're not the boss of you!

b. Boss them back. Establishing dominance is important. It is hardly effective when everyone acts like the boss in a work setting, but a little bit of this can help put the campaigner back in his place.

c. Konk them on the head with a spade.

2. They act defensive or snotty when you offer direction or ask them the same question twice.

Feelings you will probably experience immediately:

a. confusion. "What did I do to you? Is it such a big deal for you to just repeat yourself once?"

b. defensiveness. "I am being nice! I didn't say that meanly. You can be nice too!"

c. anger. "If he snaps at me again, I'm going to konk him on the head with a spade."

Possible Solutions:

a. Ask them to repeat themselves every time they say anything. Eventually they will get too frustrated to ever talk to you or they will begin to think that they are, in fact, the problem.

b. Never give them direction. Let them end up looking stupid for someone else who wants to set them straight. It's not your job and you really don't have to deal with it.

c. Konk them on the head with a spade.

3. They give pep talks to you and the rest of the crew.

Feelings you will probably experience immediately:

a. annoyance. "Wow, you're annoying. Just do your job."

b. claustrophobia. "Get me out! I don't want to be in this building with this weirdo!"

c. repulsion. "Don't touch me. I don't want to high-five you. Get that hand out of my face."

d. anger. "If he tries to encourage me again, I'm going to konk him on the head with a spade."

Possible Solutions:

a. Walk away every time they start to open their mouth, because they are probably about to give a pep talk.

b. Do a weird high five, like "kissing starfish" or "slug" or "race car." They will be alarmed and probably won't try to high-five you again.

c. Sing louder when they start to make an annoying encouraging comment. Just sing sing sing. If they tell you (bossily) to stop singing, act offended and ask if they think your singing is ugly.

Other characteristics of campaigners that don't necessarily affect you, but will help confirm your diagnosis of a campaigner:

1. They don't want to get anything wrong.

2. They think very highly of themselves.

3. Their mother brings them their dinner every night.

4. They think it's okay to pat your on your sunburned back.

5. They don't have heart-to-heart bonding time with you like all the other people you work with do.

6. They freak out about little glitches that happen on the register.

7. They also feel comfortable bossing the manager.

8. They make the same joke every time you work together about how their mom told them they should wear their Mickey Mouse ears to work, but they forgot to. HILARIOUS! .......Oh wait. You didn't think that was funny? Neither does an-y-one else,

9. They are most likely going to get pranked by Coldstoners in the very very near future and should probably live in fear.

Today, after work, I went over to Crystal's apartment to complain to her about the new campaigner I have recently become acquainted with. She said it was the first time she had ever heard me said the word "piss." Super-sorry. I usually try to be more ladylike, but that's how I felt!

A Collection of Sample Spoons

Something happened tonight at Coldstone that I HAVE to talk about right now.

It was about an hour before close and we had just finished with a huge rush of people. Two couples came in for some ice-cream. Amanda, who I was working with, told me that it was her brother and his girlfriend and her brother's girlfriend's older brother and his girlfriend. Since I always help Kelly and Dahl when they come in, I hung back to let Amanda help her brother. While she got his ice cream, I watched as his girlfriend acquired sample spoon after sample spoon. She just kept trying more flavors! I wondered if she would ever make up her mind.

Then, Amanda's brother's girlfriend's brother stepped forward. (Wow, that was confusing. We'll just call him Gray, since he was wearing a gray shirt.) Gray stepped forward. He looked more decisive than his sister, so I told him I could help him.

Here is the conversation that followed:

me: Hi, what can I get for you tonight?

gray: Um, actually can I try the cake batter first?

me: Sure! *handing him a sample of cake batter*

gray: *eating his sample*

gray: Okay. Can I actually try all the flavors?

me: *certain I heard him wrong* What?

gray: Like, would that be possible, can I get a sample of all of the flavors?

me: *blinking*

gray: Do people usually do that?

screeeeeechh.

Has anyone in the little audience of my blog ever ever ever gone into an ice cream place and sampled every single flavor? Have you ever seen someone else sampling every flavor? No. People don't do that.

Back to the conversation:

me: Oh, I've never had anyone ask me if they could try every flavor before....why don't you just pick like a few that you really want to try?

gray: Okay. All of them?

What? No! Were you not listening? I said to pick a few!

me: Um....I'll give you samples of all my favorites.

I gave him a sample of my three favorite kinds and crossed my fingers that he would decide. At some point while he was trying one of my suggestions, his sister came over, still holding her eight sample spoons. (If you think I am exaggerating when I say that she had eight sample spoons, let me assure you, I am not.)

sister: What are you doing? Don't make her job hard! Just pick one!

me: *torn between being grateful that she was trying to correct him and being annoyed at her blatant hypocrisy*

gray: Can I try blueberry? And cheesecake? And chocolate peanut butter?

me: *getting all three samples*

sister: Brother! Why do you have to get so many samples?

me: *trying not to gawk at her collection of sample spoons*

gray: I just have to try them before I can make a decision. Can I try your mint? And also the harvest peach.

sister: You are soooo indecisive! You're making her job really hard for her. Don't make her job harder than it is.

me: *walking off to wash my spades again because dealing with customers just got way too hard*

And then, do you think he got a Love it with six mix-ins and a waffle bowl? No. He did not. He got a Like it of two different flavors with one thing mixed in.

Then he walked off with his Like it Creation and his ten (again, not an exaggeration) sample spoons.

Here's What I Like:

Food, and boys. They are two of my favorite things in the whole world. They just make everything better. When I see them combined, I can hardly contain my excitement. Boys should know, just right now, that girls like food. If she pretends she doesn't like eating, she either has an eating disorder or else she has never tasted good food. In either case, you can pretend that it is your personal obligation to cure her. She will appreciate you forever, and probably marry you and cook for you. And you two will live happily ever after. You're welcome.

Sometimes, couples come into Coldstone, on a date. I like to figure out which date it is, how it's going, etc., just by watching how they interact with each other. If it is the first date, or maybe the second or third, the boy will either order first so the girl can follow his example. If he lets the girl order first, there is usually some variation of the phrase, "Ladies first!" "No, youu go ahead." "Get whatevvver you want."

Typically, the girl is trying to impress the boy, so she doesn't want to get a piggish amount of ice cream. So she orders a Like it size. This is where I come in! I say my line, about how the Love it is only 30 cents more than a Like it, and are you sure you don't want that? Then I watch the boy.

If he jumps in and says, "Do it! Get the Love it! She wants the Love it" (biggg smile at me), then I approve, and I root for him all the way from the stone to the register. Because I like food. And this boy understands that girls like food, and they like being fed!

A few days ago, I was walking towards the Wilk, very purposefully. I don't remember what I was doing, but it was very important. Actually, I was probably on my way to get food. I didn't want to be interrupted. Then, the only thing that could interrupt me without arousing my irritation did just that.

"Excuse me! Hi! Can I talk to you for just a second?" I looked around. A cute boy was looking directly at me. Oh, hiiii. Food forgotten, I stopped walking and he started talking. He had pretty eyes. He was saying something about a giant water balloon fight that is coming up. He wanted as many people as possible to be there. I was concentrating more on how pretty his eyes were than on anything that he was saying until I heard this word: "lunch."

I suddenly snapped to attention. "Lunch?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, "And it'll be the world's biggest water balloon fight, so we need your help! Bring all your friends, invite everyone you know...."

"What kind of lunch?" I asked.

"Um....free lunch, I don't know?" he said.

Free food! I was thrilled. A cute boy was talking to me about free food! I tried to listen. I really did. But then....oh. Now he wasn't talking about food anymore. He was back to talking about how to invite friends.

"Do you know what the free lunch is?" I tried to clarify. He gave me kind of strange look. I'm not sure why, because I think that is the question that was on everyone's mind when he talked to them about this event. "I'm not sure. It will be good though! So be there!" I nodded agreeably.

Dear Boy with the Pretty Eyes, I will be at your water balloon fight if (a) you are there too, and (b) you are feeding me free food.

The Do's and Don'ts of Coming into Coldstone

As I think all of you know, I am working right now at Coldstone. Most of the time, I love my job! But sometimes, I don't like it quite as much as others. So I am going to make a list of

The Do's and Don'ts of Coldstone Customership

Do:

1. Upgrade from a Like it! size to a Love it! size. Every time someone asks for a Like it!, we have to say "Are you sure you don't want the Love it, it's only 30 cents more and almost twice as much ice cream!" or some variation of that. It only makes logical sense to upgrade. And we Coldstone employees have goals to meet. I would rather just send you home empty-handed than serve you a Like it.

Besides which, I am personally offended when you don't upgrade. People use the same excuses over and over again, but none of them really make sense. If you're not hungry enough for a Love it!, you can put a lid on your ice cream and take it home. If you are watching your figure, you should just go for a sinless shake instead. Ice cream is probably not the right choice for you. If you hate ice cream, you are in the wrong place.

So, if you don't upgrade, it has to be because of me. I can and do take it personally when you reject my attempts to upsell to you.

2. Tip, please! When people tip, I am immediately endeared to them. I feel that they understand my plight as a poor college student and want to help me. Sometimes, people will be really annoying and do any number of the things on the Don't list, and then they won't tip. This makes me mad if I complied with all their requests with a pleasant smile. Plus we sing when you tip!

3. Get a cone when you get a kid's size. They are free! I don't even care if you throw it in the trash can right after you (don't) pay for it. It helps us make our waffle goal and it's freeee! Everyone wins.

4. Be a famous person. :)

5. Switch out ice for one of the sorbets if you are getting a smoothie. When we run out of ice, we have to use sorbet to make the smoothie instead. I think this makes the smoothie even more delicious and it makes it have a more even consistency. You should just ask for this whether there is ice or not.

6. Go for a medium-ly darker-looking waffle bowl. A lot of people ask for the lighter waffle bowls, but they don't realize that the darker ones are better. This does not mean, the darker the better! Because sometimes they are just burned. But don't think that just because a waffle bowl is super light, that means it is going to be super delicious. Instead, it will probably just be super chewy.

Don't:

1. Try to sample all the flavors when there is a line out the door. If there is no one else in the store, I really don't care if you want to get lots of samples. By all means, be educated in your decision, but please. Let's not go crazy now.

2. Come in five minutes before we close. This is a time of the day when our stats are very sensitive. There are times when we've only just barely made our goals, and one kids scoop of plain ice cream can make all our hard work go crashing to the ground. If you must come in at this time, when we have already started closing, you'd better be ordering a Gotta Have it! signature with two extra mix-ins in a dipped waffle bowl.

3. Order Sinless Sans Fat or Berry Tart & Tangy Frozen Yogurt. These two flavors are Satan in dessert form. They are so hard to mix, and I promise you, if I am the one making your ice cream, you will be getting a teeny portion.

4. Ask for like sixteen water cups when it is really busy. Asking for sixteen water cups when there are no other customers for miles around is not a big deal. Asking for sixteen water cups when there are thousands of customers, all clamoring for my attention, is a big deal. Please do not do this.

5. Get Peanut Butter Cup Perfection if you are on a date. It is delicious, for sure! But it will also make you gassy and irritable. You will find yourself in an uncomfortable position. Don't say I didn't warn you.

6. Take the brownies sitting above the other mix-ins in the Provo store. They are not free samples. One time, a girl just reached in, took a brownie, and started eating it. Right in front of me. I stared at her, incredulous. "Are these free samples?" she asked through a mouthful of chocolate. I shook my head. She ended up paying for it, but I still confused about how she thought they would be free. The brownies are under a dome that opens only to the people behind the stone. She would have had to turn it all the way around so it was facing her before she could reach in and get one. Wasn't that a tip-off that they were not for her? Do not be this girl.

These lists are not all-inclusive by any means. I'm sure I will think of more things as soon as I hit "Publish Post," but for now, at least there's the same number of Do's as Don'ts. I hope everyone has been well-educated! And come visit me sometime :)

My Famous People Pants

I have a pair of shorts that, when I wear them, make me irresistibly attractive to famous people.

The first time I wore these shorts, I watched Taylor Swift in concert.

I was working at a concession stand, making lemonade, watching the concert through slats in the fence. Since Kelly and I were working together, we would take turns going into the pavilion to watch her, but we actually had a fantastic view from our lemonade stand. Taylor put on an amazing show, and she performed for about two and a half hours, after Kellie Pickler and Gloriana Road opened for her. I got paid $42.71 to watch her :)

The second time I wore the shorts, I was working at Coldstone. It was a normal kind of day. I was making ice cream on the stone for someone I didn't know. All of a sudden, Bryson came and stood next to me to mix some ice cream on the stone. He said quietly, "Is that Donny Osmond?"

I freaked. I almost dropped my spade, I was so excited. My head jerked up and I looked around before remembering that I don't know what Donny Osmond looks like. "Wait, where?" I said. Still looking down, Bryson said, "There. In the black shirt. Calm down, he's right there. He just ordered."

I casually glanced up, found the guy in the black shirt, and almost dropped my spade again. There, in all the glory of an amazing technicolor dream coat, stood Donny Osmond.

I looked down. The fact that I wouldn't have been able to identify him in a police lineup didn't even matter. He was in my store, and he was famous. I almost peed in my famous people pants.

Bryson rang up Donny and his wife, checked the name on the credit card, and handed it back. He then ambled over to where I was mixing some more ice cream on the stone. I was shivering a little because Donny Osmond was now standing in front of me, leaning on the counter, waiting for his shake.

"It was totally him," Bryson said, not bothering to keep his voice down.

I looked up, confused. Yep, that was Donny in front of me, in clear earshot of Bryson.

"Bryson," I said, trying to warn him.

He continued, "I checked the name on the card, and it was totally him."

"Bryson!" I said, quietly, "Look up."

Staring at the wall, Bryson grinned a little as he said, "Yeah, I just played it cool, handed him back his card, didn't say anything."

I coughed. "Bryson. Bryson, look up," I said again.

He looked up, right into Donny Osmond's unamused eyes. He looked down. "I'm gonna....go in the back now," he said, and headed into the back room to get over his embarrassment.

The third time I wore my famous people pants, I was again working at Coldstone. This time, I noticed a man who looked vaguely familiar ordering his ice cream. He was blonde, and after taking about four looks, I was certain I had seen him before. His wife (or the woman who was presumably his wife) asked me what my favorite kind of shake was. I was so flustered that I forgot that my favorite kind is obviously strawberry mango and said berry lemony. She said, "Okay, I'll get a love it of that kind then!" I smiled and said "Okay."

I turned around like I was going to make a normal shake. Bryson was working on a shake on the backline. I slammed a blender on the counter and said, in my best inside voice, "BRYSON! Is that a famous person??" He looked a little alarmed and started to turn around. "Bryson GOSH why do you have to be so obvious?" I asked.

It was then that I realized I had forgotten what I was going to make and turned around to double-check. "Sorry, what size did you want again?" I asked. The lady smiled kindly and told me she wanted a love it. I got to work.

"This has to be the best shake ever," I said, feverishly throwing ingredients in the blender. "It's for famous people."

"Wait, how is he famous?" Bryson asked. I shook my head at his ignorance.

"He's the guy," I said, "the blonde guy in Singles Ward. Hiram. And he's in The Home Teachers, he's the main guy in it." I stuck my blender in the machine and pushed start. Suddenly I felt frantic. Was Berry Lemony even good? Why had I suggested such a thing to famous people?

I looked over at the cash register, where the famous people were paying. "What did you get?" Hiram was asking his wife. She answered him and gestured towards me, saying that I had said it was my favorite.

"OH, a personal recommendation?" Hiram said, enthusiastically. He nodded in my direction. I smiled what I'm sure was a very unnatural smile. My feelings of nervousness over the smoothie, plus a sort of crazed excitement to be in the presence of famous people just kind of came together on my face. Knowing that I must look insane, I turned back to the blender, yanked out the smoothie, and started pouring it into a Love It cup.

"Ohmygosh Bryson, they looked at me. This has to be the best smoothie ev....." I'm not quite sure how it happened, but at this moment, the smoothie just fell over on the counter. I was horrified. "BRYSON!" I whispered.

"Way to go," he said, laughing - laughing! "Spilling the famous people's smoothie."

"They'll never come back," I thought sadly, flinging some strawberries in the blender and covering them with sorbet mix. "This is awful! How could I spill their smoothie....I have never spilled a smoothie! This is the first smoothie I've ever spilled. They're going to go and tell all their famous friends about this terrible experience. No famous people will ever come here again! That's it! Game over!" I think I went cross-eyed with how upset I was that I had just ruined my whole entire life.

Finally their smoothie was ready, and I turned around to hand it to Hiram's wife over the ghea.

"Sorry that took so long, because I accidentally spilled it, because I got really excited, because aren't you in movies?!" I chattered at Hiram.

He smiled and said, "Yeah, I am, what's your name?"

My name! He was asking about my name! "I'm Heather!" I said, really excited.

He reached out his hand. I gasped and quickly wiped my hand on my apron. We shook hands and he said, "Mike Birkeland. Nice to meet you."

I almost fell on the floor. I think I said something dumb like, "Ohhh, nice to meet youu, come back soon!" but I really can't remember.

As you can see, I'm gradually getting more contact with the famous people. At Taylor Swift's concert, there was no personal interaction. When Donny Osmond came in, he was close, but I didn't speak to him at all. When Michael Birkeland came in, I introduced myself and shook his hand. The next time a famous person comes in, we will probably sit and talk for an hour or so. I'll let you know who it is!