Attention boys: I have here a list of things that do not impress me very much. I'm not necessarily trying to speak for all the ladies everywhere, but if you can impress me, there is a large number of other girls who will be similarly impressed. So, without further ado:
Things that Fail to Impress:
1. Staring at me while smoking a cigarette with your pants super-low and your boxers awkwardly hanging out until I look at you, at which point you jut out your chin and smile toothily at me, making me feel really ready for the bus to come.
2. Smoking while wearing anything and looking anywhere, for that matter.
3. Hating on Mormons and BYU within 5 minutes of meeting me, while insisting that you have nothing against Mormons but UNLV has a rivalry with BYU so obviously it makes sense that you have shirts that say F BYU on them.
4. Continuing to dig yourself into a deeper hole by saying that your mom made fun of Mormons but that doesn't mean you have anything against them because your best friend in the world is Mormon and you dated a Mormon girl but she got you in trouble and she wasn't a good Mormon.
5. Telling me that you are Flynn Ryder / Prince Charming / Prince Eric at Disney World and then having me find out from Pocahontas / Mulan / Silver Mist that that was a blatant lie that you were spreading shamelessly all over the ward so more girls would like you. When that's really unnecessary since you're already cute, so getting girls to like you is a non-issue, I would think.
6. Having nothing to say. Ever. But wanting to talk. For long periods of time. (Why? If I had nothing to say, talking would not be fun. I have lots to say, so I love talking. If I had nothing to say, I wouldn't like talking nearly as much.)
7. Telling me you are 18. This one's out of your control. Sorry....I'm just saying.
8. Ten minutes after we meet, telling me that you got kicked out of some police academy for breaking your stepdad's jaw. Really not impressive! Why would you think it would be?
9. Being really cute and then opening your mouth and ruining it by saying nothing intelligent and then sitting in front of me in sacrament meeting and not even paying attention because you are too busy flirting and back-scratching and whispering and.....etc.
Things that DO impress:
1. Magic tricks. With cards.
2. Australian accents.
3. Speaking another language and teaching it to me.
4. Niceness. Like being nice to everyone.
5. Feeding me.
6. Having a motorcycle.
7. Telling me I look like I should be a Disney princess. I don't care that it's cheesy, I will appreciate it!
8. Thinking I am funny.