A Disappointing Fairytale

Once upon a time, in the land of Orlando, there lived a princess who was one of the happiest girls in all the land. She spent much of her time at the Bibbidi-Bobbidi Boutique, doing hair for younger princesses, visiting the castle, and dreaming of the day that she would meet her Prince Charming. So you see, she was very much like other princesses, except for one thing: her fairy godmother.

Most princesses just have one fairy godmother, but this princess had several. She always had at least two, and sometimes, she had as many as eight or nine. You might think that this made her eight or nine times luckier than the other princesses, but it did not. And you'll see why when you've finished the story.

Every day at the Bibbidi-Bobbidi Boutique, there was a parade for all the princesses in the land. The princess in our story loved the parade, and went whenever she had the opportunity. She loved walking down the sparkly road, waving to and blowing kisses at all the people who came to see her.

One day, while walking with the other princesses in the parade, she saw him: Prince Charming. He was incredibly tall and handsome, with dark blonde hair, blue eyes and dimples. The princess was quite pleased to see him, and blew a kiss in his direction. She hoped that one day, they would meet and fall in love.

After the parade, she told her fairy godmothers all about the handsome prince. They insisted that she go on the parade again the following day so that she could point him out to them. The princess agreed. Perhaps her fairy godmothers could help her figure out how to meet the prince!

The next day, the princess went outside for the parade with all nine of her fairy godmothers, just as they had planned. As they passed the prince, her fairy godmothers knew who he was before she could even say a word. (He was the most handsome prince in the audience.) The princess finished up the parade, confident that afterwards, her fairy godmothers would be full of advice on how to talk to the prince.

However, that is not what happened, because after the parade, as they were getting ready to walk back to the Boutique, all of her fairy godmothers gathered around and insisted that she go up and introduce herself. The princess sighed and shook her head, having nothing to say to the prince and not wanting to meet him until she felt more ready. They walked past the prince without saying a word.

"Ohhh, princess!" her fairy godmothers lamented. "You should have said something. Here. We'll introduce you!"

"Oh, no!" cried the princess. "I'll talk to him another day."

But there were two fairy godmothers who would have none of this, named Gail and Marjorie. They left the group and marched right up to the prince.

"Please, no!" the princess exclaimed. When she saw that they would not be stopped, she turned to walk back to the Boutique, hoping that they wouldn't say anything too embarrassing. (She would find out later that they couldn't have possibly said anything more embarrassing than what they chose to say, which was:

Gail: Are you married?

Prince Charming: No....

Gail: Ok, gooood.

Marjorie: We have a [princess] who really wants to meet you!

Prince Charming: Are you sure you don't mean Brad?

Marjorie: What? No.

Gail: She really wants to meet you!)

As the princess was walking away, she heard her name being called. She had no choice but to turn around.

The prince was standing right next to her fairy godmothers, smiling over at her. "He wants to meet you!" Marjorie shouted.

And with that, the princess' life was over. She died on the spot.

(Almost the end. But it gets worse.)

Struggling to regain her composure, she walked over to the prince and said, "Hi," not knowing what else to say.

He extended his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Dan." As they shook hands and the princess introduced herself, trying to speak normally even though her face was as red as a poisoned apple, all the fairy godmothers suddenly left. And ran away and left. And left her and the prince all alone.

So they had no choice but to have an awkward conversation about where each other was from, where they went to school, and how much they enjoyed the parade and the pleasant Florida weather. And the princess, being completely unprepared and thoroughly embarrassed, had nothing witty or remotely interesting to say. And the prince did not fall in love with her.

And they never saw each other again, from that day forward, because the princess was too humiliated to ever walk in the parade again. And the prince was probably studiously avoiding the parade anyway.

And the princess never ever told her fairy godmothers any more of her hopes and dreams, except her dream of learning Portuguese. Which they were actually quite helpful with.