So Busy up in Here

I don't know why I apparently have more time to blog when I am on-track than when I am off, but apparently I do. And now I have 5 minutes before I have to leave to go to Idawhat, but here's a blog on what I have been doing instead of blogging:

1. Sleeping in.

2. Napping.

3. Going to my friends' classes.

4. Grading and planning some stuff. I have to write that small because I really haven't been doing all that much of that. 

5. Convincing other people that they don't need to do their homework / study / go to bed early because playing with and / or feeding me is much more important. I am the worst. 

6. Going to Cornbelly's. What's that, you say? Wellllll just my [fourth] favorite place on Earth! After, you know, like Disney World, and the temple, and my house.....Pictures coming soon!

7. Going to a Halloween party all dressed up with the roommates!

Left to right: Minnie Mouse, Pocahontas, Tangled, Alice in Wonderland, Snow White

As you can see, the Jew joined us! She came to town this weekend and pretty soon, I will be venturing over to her hood for even more fun times :)

8. Eating at the Cannon Center with some studly biceps.

9. Consorting with famous authors. NBD (aka, VBD) but I shook hands with him and rode in a car with him and chatted with him and just, you know, spilled the Starbucks that I got just for hanging out with him on my new blue pants about it, but whatever. #famouspeoplepantsfail

10. Ate my heart out for the annual birthday lunch at Tucano's!

11. Re-discovered the Fall Waffle at the Awful Waffle.....why is this list almost entirely about food.....

12. Spent the night in Snowbird in this swanky little place that I'm obsessed with, with some roommates, a hot tub, some romantic music, and about 40 cookies.

13. Watched House at the End of the Street again. For the record, it is at least as scary in the drive-in as it is in the real people theater.

14. Watched Casper for the first time! Watching movies has just become my favorite thing recently.....totally not sure why, but yep. That's just what happens when you go off-track, kids.

15. Carved a punkin! You have to say it like that: punkin. Or else you basically hate Halloween.

16. Made about 5069 punkin seeds. And they are the most bomb-amazing punkin seeds you have ever tasted, ever.

Recipe:

1. Get all your seeds rinsed off.
2. Boil seeds in salt water (2 cups water for every 1/2 cup seeds, 1/2 tsp salt for every cup water).
3. Simmer for 10 minutes.
4. Drain.
6. Put olive oil on a cookie sheet. Spread it around. Put the seeds on top.
7. Sprinkle with lemon pepper seasoning and onion seasoning. And some more salt if you don't care about your cholesterol.
8. Bake at 400* for about 10 minutes. When you hear popping, they are getting close!
9. Show off your talents to all your friends who previously hated punkin seeds. Like me, until I was converted with this very recipe!

Peace out, Provo! Don't worry, I'll be back in time to fit in 2 more Halloween parties. Which is convenient, since I have 5 more costumes for this year that I haven't worn yet.

Spice Up your Closing Ceremonies

So, I was really tired today.

Probably about as tired as one might be if they had gone to bed at 6 in the morning.

Imagine watching the Closing Ceremonies of the Summer 2012 Olympics feeling like that.

It got a little bit trippy.

Which is why I decided to do this post on how I would have improved the Closing Ceremonies if I were the one in charge! Ehm:

1. I would have gotten rid of the roller-skating nuns. What? What was that?

2. I would have changed Jessie J's outfit. I would have given her a really fluffy charcoal-gray sparkly tulle skirt to wear with her leotard.

3. I would have reunited the Beatles. If the Spice Girls could come back together, so could the Beatles! [John Lennon and George Harrison would just have to work something out. It's the Olympics. Get it together, guys.]

4. I would not have formed anyone's face with weird white puzzle pieces.

5. I would have kindly asked Annie Lennox to not perform.

How scary is this woman??

6. I would have definitely kept the Spartans out of it.

7. I would have given One Direction a cooler stage. If Annie Lennox gets a pirate ship, my boys definitely deserve something a little fancier.

Also, they would have been given a solid hour. And since I would be the one in charge, I would be on stage with them. And they'd be singing right to me. 

8. You KNOW there would have been no Russell Brand in my Closing Ceremonies.

9. Prince Harry would get double the face time that he did.

At least double. 

10. George Michael would not have sung "Freedom" or whatever the heck he sang. He would have sung "Faith."

  

11. The Spice Girls would not have stopped after only two songs. They would have stopped after.....twenty songs.

12. Victoria Beckham would have given me her dress after the Closing Ceremonies were over. (Also her husband.) What?

If only I really had been in charge. Even McKayla would have to be impressed.

via

Christine

Once upon a time, life was pretty good at Wyview Park. Everyone was making friends with everyone else. We felt so comfortable and content.

And then, we heard that a new girl was moving in. We wondered about her. We facebook-stalked her. We caught glimpses of her. And one day, just before Halloween, we met her.

One of my friends txtd me: "The new girl is here!" I grabbed my bowl of food and ran to her apartment.

"Oh hey, guys!" I said. Very casually. "How's everyone's day going?" Obviously no one would suspect that I was just there to meet the new girl and form an opinion of her. Especially not when she came out into the living room and I practically barked, "HI! Are you the new roommate? I'm Heather."

She kindly pretended like I was normal and said hi back and introduced herself. Her name was Christine.

She looked like this:

We loved her immediately. 

Freshman year was only made better by Christine moving into Wyview. One time, she organized an activity where we made caramel apples. And I'm not sure how, but somehow, this picture came out of it. And I'm so happy it did. For obvious reasons.

Christine is a super-fun friend to have because she is always up for a fun activity! The fall semester activity our freshman year was themed something princessy or knighty or royal in some way, so a bunch of us dressed up as princesses. Amazingly, Christine made her Sleeping Beauty costume. She is so talented and stuff!

Another time, we went to whiteout night at Studio 600 in Salt Lake. It was so much fun! Oh, even though half of us didn't get in because all we had for ID's were out student ID's. It was still fun dressing up for it!

Christine and I weren't roommates when we were freshmen, even though we might as well have been. (I think I slept in my own bed.....maybe 3 nights a week. The rest of my nights were spent on either Winnie's couch or Christine's.) But we repented of that and lived together our sophomore year! I remember flying back to Utah, walking into my room, and finding little post-it notes all over. They said things like, "All of this shelf space is yours" and "You can switch sides if you want, I don't mind either way :)" and "I missed you! Welcome home!"

Another point I feel like I should make: Christine is stylish and photogenic. Sometimes when she was my roommate she would have me pick her outfit for Sunday and it was always kind of like a grand privilege because she has such cute and classy dresses!

Christine is awesome because she is spontaneous. We did a ton of random fun things together, from dancing in the rain to Leggers on the couch to hitting up the Lehi Rodeo. And they were all so. fun. 

I am so happy that Christine went with me to Florida to work at Disney. We had an amazing time together! We danced with some Moroccans, went to Universal Studios, laid out at the pool to listen to general conference, struggled with the crappy internet, and got wonderfully tan. Christine was a lifeguard, so obviously she got the most tan. And the boys loved her. One beautiful Australian boy even took her to Universal Studios!

We were in Florida for Valentines Day, and when I got back to my apartment after work, I found a pink heart-shaped lollipop and a handwritten card on my bed from Christine. It was such a sweet card and you better believe I still have it! 

When we were in Florida, we weren't going to school. I love Christine as a student, too, but when she doesn't have school to worry about, she is only just fun. All the time.

I love these pictures because, look! Christine is always willing to make a face or do a silly pose for a picture with me. She doesn't act embarrassed or always offer to take the picture so she doesn't have to be in it. Which is valuable!

Tan tan, can you do the tan tan?

 Christine is wonderful because all of my other friends like her too! When Caitlin, Christine and I went to the Lehi Roundup, we all had so much fun together. When Nicole came out to visit a few weeks ago and Christine practiced how she could approach a random hot stranger on the beach, Nicole couldn't stop talking about how hilarious Christine was. When Christine met two of my guy friends, they thought she was hot. Obviously. 

Christine is inclusive and diplomatic. I love how she plans things and invites me to them! I also love how she is thoughtful of other people's feelings. One time, my friends were teasing me about how bad I am at directions. Just to put it out there, I am terrible at directions, and I didn't really mind the teasing. But then Christine piped up and said, "Actually! Heather really impressed me in Florida, she was good at driving there." It was just a simple thing to say, and even though I wasn't on the verge of tears or anything, it made me feel so good to get that little bit of credit!

Christine is always there for important events. She is super-busy with work and school, but she has come every year to Tucano's for my birthday. When we plan something, she is there. I love that I can count on her :)

Christine is cool because she is lots of different things. She is fun to go dancing with! She is easy to have deep conversations with. We have great conversations and boys and kissing! Then we sit next to each in church and be reverent. She is a great mom at amusement parks! She also takes the best pictures on the teacups. She looks great with blonde hair! She looks fabulous with dark hair! She can't be stopped!

Christine is an example to me in so many ways. One way is her selflessness! Check out this recent blog post of hers for proof of that. And then follow her blog, because it is greatly entertaining. 

 New girls don't always become lifelong friends, but with Christine, I would say we all got incredibly lucky. Next year, we will both be graduating, and I can't wait to take a million more fun pictures together in our caps and gowns! Especially because I'm sure they won't be the last pictures we take :) Happy birthday Christine! You are awesome!

A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes

Yesterday morning, Disney held princess lookalike auditions for the female cast members. I was sure I wouldn't be chosen, but had decided to go, just for the experience. So, I woke up at 6:45. I put on a white skirt with black and red flowers, leggings, a black headband, and a black turtleneck tee. I ate some breakfast and went to the bus stop, where about 40 other girls were waiting for the J bus as well. The J bus came and we piled on.

There were blondes, brunettes and redheads, girls in yoga pants and girls in dresses. Any other morning, we would have put in our headphones and closed our eyes to catch a quick nap, or pulled out a book for the bus ride. This morning, however, we all paid a little extra attention to each other. We looked in one another's faces, smiled awkwardly, and turned to look at someone else. We struck up nervous little conversations with each other. We introduced ourselves and promptly forgot one another's names. It was 7:35 when the bus left Chatham, but the air felt alive with energy. Hope was coursing through all of us, and it was electrifying.

The bus emptied when we got to the Animal Kingdom casting center. Forty something girls fell into the line that was already out the door, an hour before the auditions were supposed to start. We didn't mind the waiting. We shared everything with each other as we slowly made our way through the halls of the casting center.

Adrenaline is like super-glue for friendships, and we quickly felt comfortable with the girls standing with us. We lavished praise on one another, certain that we would all make it through to the final round, when we would be told that all of us were going to be princesses. We were giddy with optimism.

At last we made it to a large ballroom, where a table was set up at one end of the room with a next to it. When we got to the table, we were measured and received a number (268 in my case). We were then told to wait until our number was called.

They took us in groups of 50, and this was when girls started to get cut. This part of the audition was nerve wracking, but didn't require us to do anything but smile. I don't think I have ever smiled so hard in my whole life!

There were two casting directors, Kelly and Kent, who explained the process a little bit and then turned on some music so we could feel more comfortable with being stared at. I smiled right at them. Kelly said something to Kent. They both looked at me again. I smiled and smiled. My cheeks felt quivery with nerves and the effort to appear natural. They finally moved on down the line and I relaxed a little.

After they had looked over all 50 of us, Kelly called out 2 numbers and asked the rest of the girls to go home. The two numbers called were 268 and 291. I felt disappointed until I remembered that that was my number! The girls I had made friends with in line all gave me hugs and wished me luck. I missed them immediately as I watched them leave.

291 was named Renee, and she grabbed my arm as we walked back to the giant ballroom. "This is so crazy!" she squealed. "I can't wait to tell my mom!" More bonding as she called her mom and I txtd mine. We couldn't believe we had made it through the first round. Making it through that first step was intoxicating.

463 girls later, there were 50 girls left in the ballroom. They called us all back into the room where Kelly and Kent stared us down once again. I didn't have as much trouble smiling this time :) This time when Kelly turned off the music, she and Kent only called out 6 numbers. The rest of the girls were thanked for their time and sent home.

I felt shaky as I lined up with the last of all the potential princesses and watched Renee leave. Even as I introduced myself and stated where I was from, I couldn't believe that the casting directors cared about my name at all. I kept thinking, "Is this real life?" And it was.

The next part of the audition was one of my favorite parts. Kelly and Kent left, and some trainers came in to help us learn how to dance like princesses. We twirled, curtsied, and waved. We were told that it was an exercise in grace and poise, and that we should be very conscious of making all of our movements very fluid and regal. We were to smile the entire time.

We also learned how to move like a fur character. We exaggerated every movement. We looked ridiculous, and we didn't even care. No one looked at anyone else. We were very much concentrated on our own movements.

Kelly and Kent came back in at this point and we showed them everything we had learned. Apparently they had no complaints, because they decided to keep all of us and let us all get fitted to be princesses!

I listened as they went down the line, assigning each girl to a princess. "Tiana, Aurora, Snow White, Ariel, Aurora....and Cinderella."

I couldn't believe it. Cinderella? I was flabbergasted and thrilled, and immensely flattered. I felt a little numb as I followed the other girls into yet another hallway. We suddenly found ourselves just outside of the closet with all the princess costumes. I felt star-struck and woozy as I got my picture taken and was then directed behind a curtain, where I was to change into Cinderella's dress.

Ahhhh.

I pulled up the skirt, which weighed about a million pounds, and a costuming assistant helped me zipper it. She then helped me into the top half of the dress and snapped it onto the skirt, twisting and tugging until it looked just right. They gave me some character shoes and sent me into the makeup room.

Working at the Boutique, I always try to talk to the girls whose makeover I am doing. I feel like I'm doing a bad job if we aren't having a nice, steady conversation. But today, as a nice Asian lady covered my eyelids with blue eyeshadow and spread a layer of pink on my lips, I began to appreciate how hard it is to have a conversation while you are having your hair and makeup done. It was all I could do to keep up with the whirlwind of thoughts going on inside my head. I was relieved that I wasn't supposed to form complete sentences, too.

All of the characters are wigged, so we also got to wear the wigs. Once I was all made up and the wig had been securely fastened to my head, I was able to look in the mirror. It was the most surreal experience, because I could see my face, and I knew that it was me, but Cinderella looked back at me. I vaguely wondered if the girls who came into the Boutique felt this way when I turned them around to see themselves for the first time. I hardly felt like I was looking at myself....I felt like I was looking at a princess who just happened to raise her eyebrows when I raised mine.

The wig was a little big, and so was the top of the dress, since I basically have no boobs, but my friend Brittany told me that if I get approval to be a princess, they will give me a wig that is custom-made for my head. Also, the dresses in the casting center are not the only sizes they have, and the sizes go pretty small, so they have a dress that fits me somewhere. Aside from these concerns, I really felt like Cinderella.

Once I was all dressed, I was given a laminated sheet of paper that told a little bit about Cinderella's character, how she was supposed to stand, etc. At the top of the paper was a short monologue, but I was told not to worry about memorizing it. I stood in front of a blue sheet and got about 5 pictures taken from different angles. I wondered whether they looked like me, or like Cinderella, or like me dressed up as Cinderella. I wondered if it mattered if it looked like me dressed up as Cinderella.

After that, I had a few minutes to practice my monologue before I was shown back into the room where we had learned how to princess dance only about an hour earlier. I again said hello to Kelly and Kent, who asked me to look at the camera, state my true name, and then perform the monologue.

I cleared my throat, stood like Cinderella, and smiled right at the camera. Kent pointed at me; I said my name, paused, and then went into my monologue.

"Oh, what a wonderful ball," I said. In my head, I thought: "Oh, what a wonderful audition."

"To wear this beautiful gown, and glass slippers, and dance with the prince all night...." I said. In my head, I thought: "To wear this beautiful gown, and character shoes, and dress up like a real live princess....."

"I wonder what Anastasia and Drusilla would think, if they knew it was me?" I said. In my head, I thought, "I have to tell EVERYONE!"

Smilingly, Kelly and Kent thanked me and asked me where I went to school. They asked about my major and a couple of other things. Then they told me that they would contact me if I was approved to be a princess. If I didn't hear from them, it wasn't a match, but they were still happy that I had come in and auditioned. As I listened to their spiel, I didn't even care what happened next.

If I get to be a princess, I will stay until August. I will dress up every day, with the help of my fairy godmother costuming assistant. I will dance with a prince. I will tell little girls that their dreams will come true. I will pose for pictures and smile until my face falls off. And then, a makeup artist will come along and put it back on for me, and I will go out and do it all over again.

If I don't get approved to be a princess, I will stay until April, just like I had planned before. I will continue to work at the Boutique, which is a magical place on its own. I will get to go home for a month to see my family before going back to Utah in June for some summer classes. I will miss the muggy Florida heat and will spend my summer, instead, in the dry heat of Provo in the summertime. I will work at Coldstone and the Writing Center, and when I'm not working or taking summer classes on campus, I will set up camp by the Raintree pool, eating free hamburgers and otter pops.

Have I mentioned that I absolutely 100% love my life? With all my heart and soul?

After auditions, one of the girls who was fitted for Aurora offered me a ride home. We decided that if we don't get to be princesses, we will go out for ice cream to console ourselves. But I don't think I will need too much consolation....just getting to try on Cinderella's dress, and gloves, and choker, and headband, was more wonderful an opportunity than I ever dreamed I would get.

But I did get it, and if Djuana Barnes is right, and "dreams have only the pigmentation of fact," then the large majority of this story would not be true. Friends, it is all true, which is why I now have a renewed faith that dreams and reality are not always so far apart as past disappointments would have us believe. In fact, there will be times in our lives that the chasm between dreams and reality is little more than a paper-thin line. And those times are the very best.

:)

That Don't Impress Me Much

Attention boys: I have here a list of things that do not impress me very much. I'm not necessarily trying to speak for all the ladies everywhere, but if you can impress me, there is a large number of other girls who will be similarly impressed. So, without further ado:

Things that Fail to Impress:

1. Staring at me while smoking a cigarette with your pants super-low and your boxers awkwardly hanging out until I look at you, at which point you jut out your chin and smile toothily at me, making me feel really ready for the bus to come.

2. Smoking while wearing anything and looking anywhere, for that matter.

3. Hating on Mormons and BYU within 5 minutes of meeting me, while insisting that you have nothing against Mormons but UNLV has a rivalry with BYU so obviously it makes sense that you have shirts that say F BYU on them.

4. Continuing to dig yourself into a deeper hole by saying that your mom made fun of Mormons but that doesn't mean you have anything against them because your best friend in the world is Mormon and you dated a Mormon girl but she got you in trouble and she wasn't a good Mormon.

5. Telling me that you are Flynn Ryder / Prince Charming / Prince Eric at Disney World and then having me find out from Pocahontas / Mulan / Silver Mist that that was a blatant lie that you were spreading shamelessly all over the ward so more girls would like you. When that's really unnecessary since you're already cute, so getting girls to like you is a non-issue, I would think.

6. Having nothing to say. Ever. But wanting to talk. For long periods of time. (Why? If I had nothing to say, talking would not be fun. I have lots to say, so I love talking. If I had nothing to say, I wouldn't like talking nearly as much.)

7. Telling me you are 18. This one's out of your control. Sorry....I'm just saying.

8. Ten minutes after we meet, telling me that you got kicked out of some police academy for breaking your stepdad's jaw. Really not impressive! Why would you think it would be?

9. Being really cute and then opening your mouth and ruining it by saying nothing intelligent and then sitting in front of me in sacrament meeting and not even paying attention because you are too busy flirting and back-scratching and whispering and.....etc.

Things that DO impress:

1. Magic tricks. With cards.

2. Australian accents.

3. Speaking another language and teaching it to me.

4. Niceness. Like being nice to everyone.

5. Feeding me.

6. Having a motorcycle.

7. Telling me I look like I should be a Disney princess. I don't care that it's cheesy, I will appreciate it!

8. Thinking I am funny.

9. Steak'n'Shake.

A Disappointing Fairytale

Once upon a time, in the land of Orlando, there lived a princess who was one of the happiest girls in all the land. She spent much of her time at the Bibbidi-Bobbidi Boutique, doing hair for younger princesses, visiting the castle, and dreaming of the day that she would meet her Prince Charming. So you see, she was very much like other princesses, except for one thing: her fairy godmother.

Most princesses just have one fairy godmother, but this princess had several. She always had at least two, and sometimes, she had as many as eight or nine. You might think that this made her eight or nine times luckier than the other princesses, but it did not. And you'll see why when you've finished the story.

Every day at the Bibbidi-Bobbidi Boutique, there was a parade for all the princesses in the land. The princess in our story loved the parade, and went whenever she had the opportunity. She loved walking down the sparkly road, waving to and blowing kisses at all the people who came to see her.

One day, while walking with the other princesses in the parade, she saw him: Prince Charming. He was incredibly tall and handsome, with dark blonde hair, blue eyes and dimples. The princess was quite pleased to see him, and blew a kiss in his direction. She hoped that one day, they would meet and fall in love.

After the parade, she told her fairy godmothers all about the handsome prince. They insisted that she go on the parade again the following day so that she could point him out to them. The princess agreed. Perhaps her fairy godmothers could help her figure out how to meet the prince!

The next day, the princess went outside for the parade with all nine of her fairy godmothers, just as they had planned. As they passed the prince, her fairy godmothers knew who he was before she could even say a word. (He was the most handsome prince in the audience.) The princess finished up the parade, confident that afterwards, her fairy godmothers would be full of advice on how to talk to the prince.

However, that is not what happened, because after the parade, as they were getting ready to walk back to the Boutique, all of her fairy godmothers gathered around and insisted that she go up and introduce herself. The princess sighed and shook her head, having nothing to say to the prince and not wanting to meet him until she felt more ready. They walked past the prince without saying a word.

"Ohhh, princess!" her fairy godmothers lamented. "You should have said something. Here. We'll introduce you!"

"Oh, no!" cried the princess. "I'll talk to him another day."

But there were two fairy godmothers who would have none of this, named Gail and Marjorie. They left the group and marched right up to the prince.

"Please, no!" the princess exclaimed. When she saw that they would not be stopped, she turned to walk back to the Boutique, hoping that they wouldn't say anything too embarrassing. (She would find out later that they couldn't have possibly said anything more embarrassing than what they chose to say, which was:

Gail: Are you married?

Prince Charming: No....

Gail: Ok, gooood.

Marjorie: We have a [princess] who really wants to meet you!

Prince Charming: Are you sure you don't mean Brad?

Marjorie: What? No.

Gail: She really wants to meet you!)

As the princess was walking away, she heard her name being called. She had no choice but to turn around.

The prince was standing right next to her fairy godmothers, smiling over at her. "He wants to meet you!" Marjorie shouted.

And with that, the princess' life was over. She died on the spot.

(Almost the end. But it gets worse.)

Struggling to regain her composure, she walked over to the prince and said, "Hi," not knowing what else to say.

He extended his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Dan." As they shook hands and the princess introduced herself, trying to speak normally even though her face was as red as a poisoned apple, all the fairy godmothers suddenly left. And ran away and left. And left her and the prince all alone.

So they had no choice but to have an awkward conversation about where each other was from, where they went to school, and how much they enjoyed the parade and the pleasant Florida weather. And the princess, being completely unprepared and thoroughly embarrassed, had nothing witty or remotely interesting to say. And the prince did not fall in love with her.

And they never saw each other again, from that day forward, because the princess was too humiliated to ever walk in the parade again. And the prince was probably studiously avoiding the parade anyway.

And the princess never ever told her fairy godmothers any more of her hopes and dreams, except her dream of learning Portuguese. Which they were actually quite helpful with.