Casanova Car

It's a different girl who walks into the saloon state of Ohio only two days later. Her spurs don't click defiantly; they scuff along half-heartedly. She slides into a stool at the bar. There's no gun-slinging today, no threats to the bartender. He eyes her warily.

"What can I get you?" he asks.

She blinks up at him, eyes big and wet. "I...." She shakes her head. "Oatmeal?"

Bartender's mouth pinches over to one side. He rummages, then sets a bottle on the counter and slides it over to Girl.

Girl looks at the bottle, eyes dull.

"I've seen bad," Bartender says, by way of explanation. "I know when people need something stronger than oatmeal."

He turns away, to give her time with the bottle.

"It was morning," she whispers.

Bartender looks back. "I'm sorry?"

"Morning. When he left." She's staring off, looking listlessly at nothing. Her finger traces a squiggly line on the bottle.

Bartender casts a longing gaze at the swinging doors, hoping someone will come in and spare him from this conversation. Girl doesn't notice his look.

"I loved him. You know?" she continues. "I know it was only 2 days. But I thought he was different. I really thought it was going to be me and him, forever. Just me and Lerone."

The grizzled man next to Girl leans over, sloshing his drink as he does. "Only the good die young," he offers hopefully, and lets out a huge belch.

"He didn't die," Girl murmurs.  She opens the bottle and takes a long drink.

"He lied."

Goodbye, Lerone. And screw you! Emily made the right choice when she cut you without a single rose.

Every Friend Yodels

Last week, I had the opportunity to be an EFY (Especially For Youth) counselor in Ohio. Don't ask me how I got this assignment. I know I'm from Maryland. I'm not really sure how it happened.

But since this was the job I was offered, I said okay and made plans to travel with my dad and brother, both of whom I love, and Lerone, who I do not love, to Cincinnati. Undeterred and only slightly discouraged by a series of dumb unfortunate events, in which

Lerone died 

and I cried 

and my dad sighed

and Joseph shut-eyed

and I turned into Dr. Suess,

I finally made it to Xavier University. 

^ this beautiful place!

This girl (below) gave me a nice hug and a summary of orientation. 

She's a peach. We were roommates once upon a time. Then she introduced me to my co-counselor, Dalin, and gave us time to plan and get acquainted. He said, "So tell me about yourself."

I hemmed and hawed for a little bit and then said, "I'm really good at interpreting dreams. I love dreams. Sometimes I have psychic dreams."

Disclaimer: I was really tired. I had woken up at 4 in the morning. For some reason, that seemed like it would be relevant / interesting / impressive. I just forgot that that's not the best way to introduce yourself, because you sound a little crazy. 

Dalin raised his eyebrows politely. "That's pretty cool...." he said. I think he was thinking of how possible it would be to get a new co-counselor. 

Finally I was allowed to go to bed. Ten hours after my head hit the pillow, the children arrived. 

(For those of you who don't know, EFY stands for Especially For Youth and is a week-long program for 14-18 yr old girls and boys where they go and learn about the church and make friends and play games and go to dances and have a grand old time. Everyone is put into groups of about 20-30, called companies, and assigned to a boy counselor and girl counselor, who are co-counselors with each other.)

I introduced myself to my girls. They were adorable. I loved them immediately. 

Other than that, Monday was pretty uneventful: We went outside to meet the boys. There were 12 girls and 8 boys, which is not the awesomest ratio, but is still awesomer than the group with 22 girls and 10 boys. Dalin walked around on his hands and offered my skills as a dream interpreter. We forced the reluctant youth to stand boy-girl-boy-girl. We played some games. We set some goals. We ate some dinner. We went to sleep. 

Tuesday was a classy day. As in, we had classes. It was also a little awkward when:

- I realized that I should have gone to EFY as a youth. Anddd at the same time I realized that I may have been the one getting in trouble for having my shorts too short. 

- I got syrup in my hair. And my co-counselor sweetly pointed out that this was the 2nd day in a row that I got something in my hair. 

- I accidentally referenced The Bachelorette and immediately felt like the worst EFY counselor. 

- Another counselor asked if my co and I were going to get married. 

- A boy pushed one of my girls against the wall, ran away, ran back, barked at her, and then ran away again. What??

- Dalin and I taught dance etiquette to our company and there was a riot when he told them how high on the back their hand should be. 

- One of the counselors saw a couple dancing really close, and he went up and danced by them and then slowly parted them and shimmied in-between them and said, "Leave room for Jesus!" and the girl looked at him like she wanted to kill him. And then later, all the counselors laughed about it. 

I'll blog more later about the rest of the week :)

A True Love Story

Girl walks into a bar.

Or a car dealership, whatever. To continue -

The first few rays of the barely-rising sun gleam off her spurs as she steps up to the counter.

"Give me something hard," she says, "I want the strongest thing you've got."

Bartender gulps nervously. "The strongest I've got?" he stammers. "It's barely sun-up. We're serving oatmeal right now and...."

Girl springs across the counter. Bartender finds himself eye-to-eye with the girl, her fingers twisting his collar, the cold mouth of her gun pressed against his head. "I said, I want the strongest thing you got," she says slowly.

"Baby, don't waste your time," comes a voice from the door.

Girl and Bartender snap their faces over to the door, squinting against the sunlight. Girl loosens her grip on Bartender and he slumps to the ground.

"You're gonna tell me what to do?" Girl replies. But she's listening, taking in his silhouette.

"I wouldn't tell you what to do." The figure at the door is back-lit by the sun, but Girl can hear a smile in his voice. He takes a step forward. "But I know what you want," he continues.

"How do you know anything about me?" she asks. He takes another step forward. She swings her arm up, cocking the gun as she aims it at him. "And I'd stay there, if I were you," she advises.

He doesn't even hesitate. He takes another step. "I know what you want, because it describes me perfectly," he says. "I'll give you the moon and stars." He's rugged. His voice slips through pearly-white teeth like honey dripping on the floor.

"What a line," Girl remarks. "Is there a lady in this world who would fall for that?"

"Couldn't say." He takes another step. She's close enough to study the stubble that dots his perfectly cut jaw. "Never had a reason to use it before now," he adds.

"What's the occasion?" she asks.

"Meeting the most perfect girl in the world..." he replies. Her gun clatters to the floor. He slides his hand under her hair, pulling her into his embrace. "...And kissing her," he finishes.

He dips her low. Lips meet. Just outside the saloon, fireworks erupt.

Girl's eyes flutter. "Who are you?" she whispers.

"Lerone," he smiles. "I'm Lerone."

This man and I....we're gonna go far together. 

PS: Is it normal to want to pet your car? And run to the window every hour to make sure he's still there? Or at least to sigh happily and smile at him? Not saying I did those things. Just wondering if that's normal.