Casanova Car

It's a different girl who walks into the saloon state of Ohio only two days later. Her spurs don't click defiantly; they scuff along half-heartedly. She slides into a stool at the bar. There's no gun-slinging today, no threats to the bartender. He eyes her warily.

"What can I get you?" he asks.

She blinks up at him, eyes big and wet. "I...." She shakes her head. "Oatmeal?"

Bartender's mouth pinches over to one side. He rummages, then sets a bottle on the counter and slides it over to Girl.

Girl looks at the bottle, eyes dull.

"I've seen bad," Bartender says, by way of explanation. "I know when people need something stronger than oatmeal."

He turns away, to give her time with the bottle.

"It was morning," she whispers.

Bartender looks back. "I'm sorry?"

"Morning. When he left." She's staring off, looking listlessly at nothing. Her finger traces a squiggly line on the bottle.

Bartender casts a longing gaze at the swinging doors, hoping someone will come in and spare him from this conversation. Girl doesn't notice his look.

"I loved him. You know?" she continues. "I know it was only 2 days. But I thought he was different. I really thought it was going to be me and him, forever. Just me and Lerone."

The grizzled man next to Girl leans over, sloshing his drink as he does. "Only the good die young," he offers hopefully, and lets out a huge belch.

"He didn't die," Girl murmurs.  She opens the bottle and takes a long drink.

"He lied."

Goodbye, Lerone. And screw you! Emily made the right choice when she cut you without a single rose.

Elephants Freakishly Yawn

On Wednesday, EFY could have stood for "Especially For Yum" because I ate the yummiest food ever on that day. The cafeteria workers at Xavier could not have been more welcoming and sweet to us the whole time we were there. They called us "baby" and "honey bun" and heaped gourmet food onto our plates as we scooted on through the lines.

On Wednesday, I was on Variety Show tryouts duty with counselors Chris and James. I loved this job because

- I got to see everyone try out. 

- The youth were all so cute and confident, all ready to go with their talents. 

- I got to be Paula, leaving Chris to be Randy and James to be Simon. 

I hated this job because

- There were like 45 acts that tried out and only 15 spots. 

- In my role as Paula Because I am an elementary school teacher, I hated the thought of rejecting any of these acts. Besides this one really bizarre act that just made me uncomfortable. It didn't hurt my feelings too bad when they didn't make it. 

- We were trying people out from the beginning of free time to the end of dinnertime. That is four hours, my friend. 

Thankfully, the cafeteria workers were so nice and let us come eat dinner there anyway. 

The next part of "Yum" happened at Pizza Night. I ordered pizza, but I forgot to get soda. Actually I didn't forget. I just got flustered. Dalin was on the phone and put it down for a second and said, "Do you need soda?" And I hadn't asked my girls if they wanted soda, and I knew if I said yes then he would ask what kind, and I just didn't think I could handle that, so I said no. 

Then, of course, my girls had to ask if I had gotten soda. I told them no. They had a riot. I ran to the boys' floor, hoping Dalin would rescue us. He wasn't there yet, so I stood in the hallway, talking to the boys in my company. Our conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hi! Did you guys get soda?

Them: We don't know, Dalin's not back yet. 

Me: Oh, hmmm. That's okay. 

Them: .....Did you get soda?

Me: No! It's all my fault, I forgot to order it. 

Them: Oh man! 

Me: Yeah. My girls are about to stage a mutiny. 

Them: ......

Me: .....Yeppp. 

Them: Oh man. 

Me: I think Dalin did get soda. 

Them: Hmmm, maybe he did. 

Me: Oh that's so cool!

Them: ......

Me: Okay to be honest, I'm just hoping that if I stand here long enough, and tell that story enough times, then you will offer my girls some of your soda....

Them: Oh! You can have our soda! 

Me: Oh my gosh, really?? That is so nice! Okay maybe like, if he got 3 things of soda, we can have one. 

Them: Okay no how about, if he got 3 things, you can have two of them. 

Um?! Are these boys not the sweetest ever? They only requested hugs from all the girls. I enthusiastically promised them this. 

Pizza Night is fun because you get to talk about COW's (Crush Of the Week) and sing girly songs and there are no boys allowed. Unless they are dropping off soda for you :) Then they are totally allowed. And it's fun because pizza is delicious and girl talk is fun and sometimes your girls accidentally all start singing, as loudly as they can, a song about two specific counselors sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, and as we all know, that is the sign of a good party. 

Every Friend Yodels

Last week, I had the opportunity to be an EFY (Especially For Youth) counselor in Ohio. Don't ask me how I got this assignment. I know I'm from Maryland. I'm not really sure how it happened.

But since this was the job I was offered, I said okay and made plans to travel with my dad and brother, both of whom I love, and Lerone, who I do not love, to Cincinnati. Undeterred and only slightly discouraged by a series of dumb unfortunate events, in which

Lerone died 

and I cried 

and my dad sighed

and Joseph shut-eyed

and I turned into Dr. Suess,

I finally made it to Xavier University. 

^ this beautiful place!

This girl (below) gave me a nice hug and a summary of orientation. 

She's a peach. We were roommates once upon a time. Then she introduced me to my co-counselor, Dalin, and gave us time to plan and get acquainted. He said, "So tell me about yourself."

I hemmed and hawed for a little bit and then said, "I'm really good at interpreting dreams. I love dreams. Sometimes I have psychic dreams."

Disclaimer: I was really tired. I had woken up at 4 in the morning. For some reason, that seemed like it would be relevant / interesting / impressive. I just forgot that that's not the best way to introduce yourself, because you sound a little crazy. 

Dalin raised his eyebrows politely. "That's pretty cool...." he said. I think he was thinking of how possible it would be to get a new co-counselor. 

Finally I was allowed to go to bed. Ten hours after my head hit the pillow, the children arrived. 

(For those of you who don't know, EFY stands for Especially For Youth and is a week-long program for 14-18 yr old girls and boys where they go and learn about the church and make friends and play games and go to dances and have a grand old time. Everyone is put into groups of about 20-30, called companies, and assigned to a boy counselor and girl counselor, who are co-counselors with each other.)

I introduced myself to my girls. They were adorable. I loved them immediately. 

Other than that, Monday was pretty uneventful: We went outside to meet the boys. There were 12 girls and 8 boys, which is not the awesomest ratio, but is still awesomer than the group with 22 girls and 10 boys. Dalin walked around on his hands and offered my skills as a dream interpreter. We forced the reluctant youth to stand boy-girl-boy-girl. We played some games. We set some goals. We ate some dinner. We went to sleep. 

Tuesday was a classy day. As in, we had classes. It was also a little awkward when:

- I realized that I should have gone to EFY as a youth. Anddd at the same time I realized that I may have been the one getting in trouble for having my shorts too short. 

- I got syrup in my hair. And my co-counselor sweetly pointed out that this was the 2nd day in a row that I got something in my hair. 

- I accidentally referenced The Bachelorette and immediately felt like the worst EFY counselor. 

- Another counselor asked if my co and I were going to get married. 

- A boy pushed one of my girls against the wall, ran away, ran back, barked at her, and then ran away again. What??

- Dalin and I taught dance etiquette to our company and there was a riot when he told them how high on the back their hand should be. 

- One of the counselors saw a couple dancing really close, and he went up and danced by them and then slowly parted them and shimmied in-between them and said, "Leave room for Jesus!" and the girl looked at him like she wanted to kill him. And then later, all the counselors laughed about it. 

I'll blog more later about the rest of the week :)