The world is your oyster!: MANual, Part 2.        

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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

MANual, Part 2.

As promised, here are two more entries from my MANual. Keep in mind that these are all oversimplifications and overgeneralizations. It's just for fun :) Enjoy!

“Men are beasts, and even beasts don't behave as they do.” -Lana Turner

Business Majors Fratris majorus mercantis

· Common names: Business major

· Genus name: Fratris majorus mercantis

· Habitat:

· N. Eldon Tanner building

· Harold B. Lee Library

· Career fairs / business seminars

· Defining characteristics / field marks: Typically, business majors will be nicely dressed, with button-down or collared shirts, a sports jacket, and nice shoes. They are clean-shaven and usually attractive. When they have an interview or a presentation, they are more dressed up, with a suit and tie. Business majors are confident and motivated, and can sometimes come off as either arrogant or too serious. They are usually about 22-27 years old.

· Feeding habits:

· Blue Line Deli

· Interview luncheons with potential employers

· Classy foods, nothing that looks too cheap or too homemade

· Agonistic display

· When another male enters their territory, business majors usually resort to one-upping, namedropping, and bragging. They will not make outright threats. Some of their charisma is lost as they try to prove their superiority.

· Business majors are competitive by nature, but they also understand the importance of charm and the need to get along with those around them. They will therefore avoid fighting unless their opponent can do nothing for them, has blatantly threatened them, or has wounded their ego.

· Courtship habits

· Since the vast majority of the business school is male, business majors will usually seek a mate elsewhere. Using their admirable networking skills, they will first decide on a target within their social pool and then arrange for a mutual friend to introduce them.

· Business majors are direct and will ask a female on a date if they are interested in her. Their combination of past successes and natural egocentrism makes them less afraid of rejection than other males.

· Keep in mind that business majors are largely concerned with money. When in a relationship, they will either (a) shower their mate with gifts in an effort to impress her, or (b) spend as little money as possible in an effort to be frugal.

· Because of their heavy classload, motivation to do well, and natural inclination to flirtatiousness, business majors find it difficult to commit to a single relationship. (This also makes it difficult for females to commit to business majors, often feeling like the male does not make enough time for them.)

· Mating call

· "Oh, you're from (fill in the blank)? I did an internship there."

· "I'm not really this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet."

· "Wow! Your eyes are the same color as my [insert nice car here]!"

· "I'm a business major, so I know all about interest...and I can tell that you are interested in me.

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