Blogworthy, Nonetheless

I haven't blogged a whole lot this month. But here are some things that have happened that have been blogworthy even if they haven't gotten their own entry:

- I got power nails! I got them for my parent-teacher conferences, and I got a free appetizer and a discount at Chili's on girls' night, and then I didn't have any bad parent teacher conferences, so I guess they did their job.

- And speaking of that free food at Chili's and parent teacher conferences, I would also just like to announce that my PTA fed us dinner both nights of conferences. And you know that made it all worth it to me. 

- McKen Doll and I went to our ward's FHE for the sole purpose of feeding ourselves, because we heard there would be pizza there. There was, and for some reason, it was the best pizza I have ever inhaled. (Because that's absolutely what I did with it.) At first I got two slices, because I was thinking I would eat one and save the other one for my lunch the next day. But then I accidentally ate both of them.


- And then Kenna and I accidentally each took two more slices on our way out the door.

- There was also that one time when I was so exhausted when I got home, so I was taking a nap, and then my roommate woke me up to tell me that there was free Zupa's at the clubhouse (?!?!?!) so I zombied my way over to the clubhouse and helped myself.

- I got some presents for the ladies I teach with. As a true daughter of my mother, I gave them all nail polish and toe separators with a tag that said "You have "nailed" teaching! It's great to work with you. Thanks for helping me "polish" my teaching!"


- One of the nail polishes was a really great color. So I accidentally painted my nails with it.


- And then the next day at school, I accidentally improved on my manicure by putting glitter on some of my nails. While I was at school. And while my kids were also at school with me.

- Then this boy saw my nails and, remembering when I had power nails the time before, said "That's so much power in your nails!"


- There was that one day (yesterday) when my desk looked like this:

And that was justttt fine.

- We had our Christmas party in class, and the room moms who put it all together threw away all the leftover frosting. I'm talking like, 5 containers that were still halfway full. So I pulled them out of the trashcan and then this conversation happened:


Student: Miss Connor, what are you doing?
Me: Hmmm? Oh I'm.....there are box tops of these.
S: Oh! We need to cut those off!
Me: Yeah! Can I borrow your scissors?


After I had cut them all off....


Student: Now you're going to throw them back away?
Me: What? These don't go in the trash.
S: Oh....I thought they were thrown away.
Me: Oh, no! Look how much is left. There's still a ton.


And you better believe I am keeping those.

- Also can I just say that the room moms in charge brought in sugar cookies and root beer floats for the snack after we were done making the gingerbread houses. I was so nervous, you guys. I just thought, "There is no way that my children are going to listen to a word I say for the rest of the day." But I was wrong! They did. I just love my kids so much. They are the nicest little class and I never want them to go to 3rd grade.

- I got an email from my principal. She informed me (and the rest of the teachers) that there are some mice in our school. In the first grade hallway, to be exact. I was pretty on edge after I heard that....and this poster in the front office only made me feel a little bit better:

- I went to my ward's talent show. It was.....something else. I mean wow.

- My school does something called "Battle of the Books" every year," where you read about 5 books and then you have the chance to sit on stage and do sort of a game show thing with buzzers and questions about the books. Anyway, to kick it off, they had 5 teachers participate and show how it's done. The announcer lady said: "Okay! So whoever wins is going to be crowned the queen of the book challenge! And she will receive a crown and a cake!"

My head snapped up. "What??" I whispered to my intern friend. "The winner gets a cake? I didn't know that! I might have participated if I had known I could get a cake!" She kind of just gave me a weird smile and we went back to watching the battle.


In the end, I watched with envy as they placed the crown on Melissa's head....then with confusion as they draped the cape around her shoulders. No one came forward with a cake. At this point it occurred to me that maybe, the winner gets a crown and a CAPE, and maybe I might have to work on my listening skills.


- The North Pole wrote a letter to my class.

I told my kids that if they were super-duper good, we could probably help Santa out. Sorry if you think this was a little manipulative of me....but it worked pretty well :)

- I lost my voice. Teaching is greattt when you have no voice. This conversation happened:

Student: Miss Connor! One time, I lost my voice.
Me: Oh yeah? Where did it go?
S: I think my stomach? Actually no. It went on vacation.
Me: Well how long was it on vacation for?
S: Like, a week.
Me: A week!? I can't wait a week for my voice to come back!
S: Maybe it will come back sooner. Like, maybe your voice can't afford as nice as of a vacation as my voice did.


- After I lost my voice, I went to this Christmas singalong thing that Larry H. Miller does every year up in Salt Lake. It was sooo cool! I just felt a little depressed that I couldn't sing along.

- That depression was alleviated because someone handed me a donut right when I walked in.

- I got lost on my way home from Walmart.

- Then, the next day, I got lost on my way home from the payroll office. Where I happened to be because apparently I never got paid in September! So I had to go and pick up my check. You know that's a merry Christmas. 


- The Jew came to town for a day! She helped out in my classroom all day. My class loves Miss Julie, and thankfully, she doesn't try to distract them....unlike SOME people who visit! You know who you are. (Not you, Aunt Carol. It's not you either, Mom.)



I think we're all caught up now....now that I'm already back in Maryland. Maryland, my merry land. It's good to be home :)

Meeting the Parents

There was this one time when Ashton Kutcher went to meet his fiancee's parents, and it went horribly. He was a really nice boy, but Bernie Mac just did not think he was suitable marriage material for his daughter, and he took every opportunity to make that abundantly clear.

While this concept made for a movie that I found very funny, it is a concept that hits all too close to home for some people. Namely, 90% of the male population. Boys get nervous about meeting girls' parents, just as a general rule. Dads are overprotective, moms are picky and fastidious, and the fear is that, no matter what you do, they are not going to like you.

It's easier to be a girl and meet a boy's parents, at least in my experience. Dads are generally easy to please - if you are not a troll, they feel all proud of their son and they like you. Moms like you as long as you are not a hooker. Bonus points are always awarded if you are good with kids or can hold a conversation.

So keeping all of this in mind, and remembering that I am a girl, it should not be too surprising that meeting parents is not something that has ever really bothered me.

.......Until now. Tomorrow and Wednesday, hordes of parents will be descending upon my school for Parent-Teacher Conferences. They all want to meet me and ask me how their child is doing. And I am not particularly looking forward to it. In fact, if I'm being honest, I'm dreading it.

I just really don't want any of them to go all Ashley's sister on me. I have an entire year to convince my kids that I'm nice and they should like me. I only have 15 minutes with their parents.

Wish me luck??

Love Me

For the art center this week, I've cut out a bunch of colorful feathers on which my students are supposed to write things they are grateful for. Today, I was going through, taping them on the turkey and reading what everyone was grateful for.

There were the typical answers: family, dad, Earth, my teacher, food, school, etc. And then I came across this one:

"Don't eat me!"

and this one:

"Love me!"

I think it's fair to say that C didn't quite understand the assignment.....but I put his feathers on the turkey anyway. You know why? Because turkeys need love, just like everybody else. If I could, I would put a feather just like that one on Selena Gomez, and another one on Justin Bieber.

Because I just need to say that I heard (2 days after the fact!) that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are, in fact, broken up.

Why would you ever break this up??

What??  Just because Emily and Jef did it, that doesn't mean it's cool!

I am more upset about this than the logical part of me really thinks is reasonable. I take these things pretty personally.

As in, I am still not quite over the fact that Ryan Phillipe cheated on Reese Witherspoon, what, 10 years ago?

And she is all happily remarried and he's still a sub-par actor whose fame probably peaked with the notoriety of his infidelity, so Reese clearly won and I clearly shouldn't still be upset about it, but whatever. 

If JP and Ashley try to follow this trend I swear I will take a personal day about it.

But you know who I'm not upset about?

Whatever.

Spice Up your Closing Ceremonies

So, I was really tired today.

Probably about as tired as one might be if they had gone to bed at 6 in the morning.

Imagine watching the Closing Ceremonies of the Summer 2012 Olympics feeling like that.

It got a little bit trippy.

Which is why I decided to do this post on how I would have improved the Closing Ceremonies if I were the one in charge! Ehm:

1. I would have gotten rid of the roller-skating nuns. What? What was that?

2. I would have changed Jessie J's outfit. I would have given her a really fluffy charcoal-gray sparkly tulle skirt to wear with her leotard.

3. I would have reunited the Beatles. If the Spice Girls could come back together, so could the Beatles! [John Lennon and George Harrison would just have to work something out. It's the Olympics. Get it together, guys.]

4. I would not have formed anyone's face with weird white puzzle pieces.

5. I would have kindly asked Annie Lennox to not perform.

How scary is this woman??

6. I would have definitely kept the Spartans out of it.

7. I would have given One Direction a cooler stage. If Annie Lennox gets a pirate ship, my boys definitely deserve something a little fancier.

Also, they would have been given a solid hour. And since I would be the one in charge, I would be on stage with them. And they'd be singing right to me. 

8. You KNOW there would have been no Russell Brand in my Closing Ceremonies.

9. Prince Harry would get double the face time that he did.

At least double. 

10. George Michael would not have sung "Freedom" or whatever the heck he sang. He would have sung "Faith."

  

11. The Spice Girls would not have stopped after only two songs. They would have stopped after.....twenty songs.

12. Victoria Beckham would have given me her dress after the Closing Ceremonies were over. (Also her husband.) What?

If only I really had been in charge. Even McKayla would have to be impressed.

via

Awkward Turtle

Life can get a little awkward when……….

- You go to an elementary school (where you are supposed to be a teacher) and happen to be wearing the same skirt as one of the students.

-Someone asks how you and this boy know each other and the boy in question quickly replies “We flirt in church.”

-You go to buy a car and learn all about the dealer, including, but not limited to: his conversion to the church, the story of his move from Iran to America, how many kids are in his family, the life story of his favorite son, the story of the time he switched careers from making crowns and bridges for teeth to selling cars, his political leanings…..

-You can’t even bring yourself to smile at the people working at FedEx because that place is a joke and you feel a little bit like they are waxing your nostrils with duct tape because of how much everything costs.

-Sooomebody has to stand up and say how great of a game kissing rugby is, and no one else steps up to the plate, so it ends up being you. And then you’re that girl.

-You tell a few people that you are considering going back to your old ward this upcoming Sunday, and every last one of them responds: “Oh, there are no cute boys in your new ward?”

-And you have to admit that no, there are not.


-You have a dream that you are serving a mission and your mission president's wife is giving a presentation to welcome you to the mission, and she announces that Matt Damon is in the boundaries of the mission, and he loves the missionaries, so feel free to get rides with him whenever, but don't kiss him. She goes on, "It is soooo hard not to kiss him. But don't do it. My gosh. It's, like really hard." And then all the other sister missionaries turn to you and nod and confirm that it is so hard not to kiss him. 

-Also, Arie was supposed to be going to your mission, too, but he broke his leg right before. So that's a bummer. 

-You have to tell a dealer that you don’t want their car, and you find yourself channeling your inner Emily Maynard in the hopes that you will be able to break up with the dealer as gracefully as she broke up with 24 guys.

-You call your mom every day at the same time to ask her to get you un-lost again.

-You seriously consider going to the dollar theater to watch “The Lucky One” by yourself, since your Zac Efron fan friend is currently in a different state and your other friends expressed specific disdain for the fact that he won some Teen Choice Awards.

But for real, how could you find fault with this?

-You watch Toddlers and Tiaras and it has the opposite of the intended effect on you. As in, you watch it and kind of want to put your children in pageants….

-Someone txts you "Be there in a sex."

-The next day, someone else txts you "Ok, see you in a sex."

-Both someones are immediately horrified and correct themselves. Both someones get a txt from you that says, "I'm sexcited!" because you are convinced that it wasn't only funny the first time and that this is a joke that is okay to repeat with different audiences.

-You fill out a damage sheet for the apartment you just moved into, which is the same apartment you painted 2 years ago, and in the spot where it asks about whether the walls are white or painted, you not only list the colors of all the walls but also compliment them.

-You go to buy 50 composition notebooks, 25 pencil boxes, 25 highlighters, 50 colored pens, 30 dry erase markers, 25 desk name tags, 50 boxes of crayons, 60 erasers, 48 glue sticks, and 100 folders at Walmart, and the cashier asks: "Are you a teacher?"

-And you respond, "No, I just have a lot of kids." 

-And for a second, he looks like he believes you.

-You txt a friend and accidentally ask what time "Capture the Fag" is going to start.

-You meet the worst boy ever at the pool, and he is the really persistent kind who keeps trying to talk to you and your friends, despite your blatantly rude body language that clearly says "don't talk to me, in fact would you please go crawl into a hole because that's how annoying you are...."

-You go to a baseball game and are told by the little girl sitting in front of you “Okay, I won’t lick your legs. But they sure do look tasty!”

-You go to the bank to deposit a check like an adult and the banker goes to shake your hand and asks what your name is, and you have to shift everything you're holding to the other hand and pull the lollipop out of your mouth to answer, and you realize that no amount of check-depositing will truly make you into an adult. 

-You and your sister make cupcakes for a friend for her birthday. They are the best cupcakes ever. Then, you don't know where she lives, so you just eat a couple while you wait on getting her address.

-On a possibly related note, you learn, through personal experience, that it is indeed possible to eat 18 cupcakes in 5 days. By yourself. 

And finally, it can get a little awkward when all the things on this list are actually the little things that make your life really enjoyable :)

How I Met Shaq

Some people, like Aaron Carter, meet Shaquille O'Neal on the court.



Other people might see him driving around on the road.



And then there are other people who just happen to see him at an Auntie Anne's pretzel stand in the Salt Lake City airport when they are getting ready to fly out to spend a few weeks on the East Coast.

One day, I was at the SLC airport, getting ready to do just that. I had had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, but I was worried that if I got hungry on the plane, I would accidentally eat the crepe that I got for my dad at the Awful Waffle that morning, and I didn't want that to happen. Besides, I had plenty of time before my flight took off, so I got in line at an Auntie Anne's stand on the way to my terminal.

"Can I get the original pretzel nuggets?" I asked.
"We're actually out of pretzel nuggets," the girl working there told me. "We have pretzel sticks?"
"Oh, okay, can I have some of those?"
"We're out of the original ones," she said. "We have cinnamon sugar?"

This place is a joke, I thought. "That's fine," I said. I took the little bag and moved down the line.

"Can I get some cinnamon-sugar sticks?" asked the man behind me.
"We're actually out, she just took the last ones," the girl said.

I turned around, feeling terribly guilty.

My eyes went up, and up, and up....and settled on this face:

"I'm sorry!" I said. He's going to sit on me, I thought. He's going to knock these pretzel sticks out of my hand and then he's going to sit on me. I didn't even want them. Oh, why didn't they have original pretzel nuggets like I wanted??


"That's alright," he muttered, looking at the menu again.

I thought about offering to share my pretzel sticks with him, but I was worried he would look at me like this:

So I just scooted on down the line, afraid to order anything else in case I ruined his order again. As I scooted, I thought to myself: "He looks kind of familiar. Where do I recognize him from?" 

I paid for my pretzel sticks and then went on to my terminal. And as I sat there, browsing through my magazine, it hit me: the man whose breakfast I had ruined was Shaquille O'Neal. 

And that, Aaron, is how I beat Shaq. 

Dating Advices

As many of you may remember from May, I have a brother who is a man. And this man is getting ready to go on his first date in a matter of days.

To prepare him, I asked several of my friends (all of whom are awesome daters, obviously) for advice. For any of my readers who are seeking dating advice, I have recorded the advices below. Enjoy :)

"Open the car door for your date. Tell her she looks nice. Treat her like a lady. Don't worry about having to be smooth. Be yourself, and if she doesn't like you for who you are then she isn't someone to ask out again. You should have no problem because from what I hear you are a stud. If the conversation is hard to keep then don't worry about forcing it, it should be easy to talk with her. If it isn't, move on and ask a new girl out because she wasn't for you. Good luck with everything and don't worry about kissing a girl right away." ~the infamous Steve Johnson

"A good date movie is anything she wants to see, but the key is pretending like you're really excited." ~Zac Efron

"My main piece of advice when dating would be to date smart, by just having a good time by learning through experiences, and don't get too attached, just participate in wholesome dating :)" ~Brad

"Kissing is like drinking salt water. The more you drink, you more you want. And always google funny pickup lines before a date." ~Winnie

"Just follow your heart. That's what I always do." ~Napoleon Dynamite.

"Keep it short....no longer than 2 hours....and simple, don't overplan! Dinner and a small activity. Maybe not even dinner, just a dessert. Open all doors. Be a good listener. Ask her questions about herself, family, future plans, hobbies, etc." ~Nicool

"Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle! Yeah." ~LMFAO

Philip sent in this video with his advices:

"Just be nice to your lady, and treat her with respect, and she will do the same to you." ~J Biebs

"Be super-needy. Call and text every 2-4 hours. Act super self-conscious and continuously apologize. Just for starters." ~Thank you, Jared Yarn....

And finally, Usher had this to say:

"You've got to love all your fans without falling in love with them. I can't say I've never dated a fan, but it's not a good idea....understand that you are a fantasy to them and you should be mindful of that." ~Usher

Obviously the broder is very well-prepared now.

What a Doll

It's not a big deal if you cry while watching The Bachelorette.

Three times.

Or more.

It's also not a big deal if you finish watching The Bachelorette and you are suddenly obsessed with Dolly Parton and you feel sad that you never realized before how great she is. Better late than never!

This is Dolly with her husband. They are in love and have been for 47 years. Forty-seven years! That is a long time for anyone, but especially for someone as famous as Dolly Parton. They met at a laundromat. The first words he said to her were: "You're gonna get sunburnt out there, little lady!"

She wrote this song about him:

  

I think it's okay if something as silly as The Bachelorette is what makes you believe in love. Or someone as old and sparkly as Dolly Parton. Or someone as beautiful as him:

It's important to believe in love! Even if it's cheesy. What makes you believe?

The Price is Right

California is the home of many famous people. One of those people is named Drew Carey, and he is famous because he hosts TV shows. One of those TV shows is "The Price is Right." If you've never seen it, it's a show where all these people win cars and BBQ grills and tons of money. I need a car for next semester, so this was my plan for how to get one. 

Unfortunately, cars are never free, even when you win one on TV. Even when Oprah gives one to everyone in the audience. Our chance at winning a car cost us our sleep. 

Kimmy and Tyler got to California at about midnight, and we looked up information on the show. Everyone online advised us to be in line at the studio by at least 4. They insisted that anyone who showed up any later hadn't even gotten in the studio. The line was around the block by 3. If we didn't get in line by 2, we would be fed to crocodiles for our tardiness. Etc.

We took turns taking naps and showering and getting ready. Then, at 4:30, we drove to the studio.

There were three people in line. I know, I know. It is shocking that everything on the internet is not 100% accurate. Weird.

We got in line behind the.....crazed mob.....set up our lawn chairs, and started taking pictures.

For some reason, I didn't feel tired enough to sleep. So I just sat there and chatted and txtd and watched the sun rise and got all excited about winning my car. (*Side note - the whole time we were getting ready and sitting and waiting, I thought it was really funny to keep saying, "You get a car! You get a car! And you get a car!" like Oprah. Do you think that's funny? Cuz I did.)

The rest of the morning is a little bit of a blur, but includes the following:

-Entering the girls bathroom and encountering a grown man who was....waiting for his mom?

-And leaving. And waiting for him to leave before re-entering. 

-Getting interviewed by Sexy-man Stan, the producer. His picture is below. 

                            

Our interview went something like this:

Stan: Hi, Heather. How are you doing?

Me: !!!!! Oh! Good, how are you? (smiling like a crazy person....)

Stan: Good, good. And what is it you do?

Me: I teach! I'm a student! I go to....I....okay. Ha sorry! I'm a student at BYU, but I'm going to be a 2nd grade teacher in August. 

Stan: Okay, so you're not teaching til August, that means you have lots of time to watch The Price is Right?

Me: Oh! Yeah! I do!

Stan: Yeah? 

Me: Yeah!

Stan: What's your favorite game on the show?

Me: (I have never seen a single episode.) Plinko! (I barely heard this word mere hours before my interview....)

Stan: Oh yeah, what do you like about it?

Me: (I have heard about it?) I just like it, it's so fun to say. Plinko! You know? 

Stan: Yeah, what's not to like about a game where you don't have to do anything but drop something and hope you win, right?

Me: Yeah!

Stan: Okay, well maybe we'll get you up on the show for some Plinko-playing. 

Me: That would be great!

Stan: (on the next person). 

Our morning also included:

-Sharing a $10 hamburger and fries. We called it our entrance fee and felt a little better, since getting into the show was free. 

-Having a huge back-scratching fest and napping all over each other before being let into the studio. 

-Laughing at the guys sitting across from us who were obviously impressed and a little baffled by Steve's steeze, as he was the token male in a group of 3 girls and it looked like all of them constantly wanted him to sit by them / talk to them / scratch their backs....

-Getting my scissors confiscated until the end of the show.

H: Winnie was the mom in Las Vegas

Ch: I was the mom at Disney

H: I can be the mom at the beach!

S: Who's your daddy??

-Seeing the studio in real life and almost dying because it was so dang cute. 

-Needing to pee. Sooooo, frick-innn, ba-ad. 

-Dancing around to YMCA, Dynamite, All I do is Win, and other wonderful songs to get us pumped about winning. 

-Being sat in the FRONT ROW, right behind the contestant pulpits, what's uppp!?

-Sitting 5 feet away from this guy (below)

-Discovering that that guy is kind of rude in real life....and feeling a little less dazzled. 

-Kind of falling in love with this guy:

He is the announcer guy. He was wearing a white suit with a pink shirt and looked so fly, and was way nicer than Drew!

**IMPORTANT!!! If you want to see me on TV, or my friends, or that guy in the picture above who I kind of fell in love with, our show will be airing on MAY 10th, 2012. And our faces will be all up on your screen. And you will feel a little more famous, because you know me. And I'm not sure, but you might see me smack a stranger's butt. But the details are a little fuzzy. So maybe that didn't happen. There's only one way to find out!**

To continue, the afternoon included:

-Walking dazedly out of the studio and into the sunlight. 

-Somehow making our way back to the car and back to Steve's house. 

-Napping on a merry-go-round bed: as soon as one person was done showering, they woke up the next person and took their spot on the bed. 

-Going to Universal City Walk for dinner at Bucca di Beppo and eating the best meal any of us has ever experienced! 

-Leaving Bucca di Beppo to run around City Walk and take the following pictures:

pregnant.....

The boys were actually really good at humoring us with these pictures. They just kept taking them and throwing out suggestions and encouragement. And the picture above was taken through someone's legs....so you know that is real commitment to a craft.

The roads in La Canda are pretty windy and curvy, and because of that, conversations like this happen:

W: Steve, are you taking us to a lookout point?

S: Oh! Do you guys want to go to one?

C: YES!

W: I can't believe Steve's taking us all to a lookout point right now. 

H: Yeah, I feel like we need some sort of initiation ceremony....

Ch: Ahhh! (scrabbling at the car door handle, trying to get out)

H: How do you know about this lookout point?

W: Yeah, how many girls have you kissed up here?

S: Actually, I don't think I've.....ever kissed a girl up here. (Totally unconcerned)

Later, while we're at the lookout point....

C: Okay, Steve. If you really want to say you've kissed someone up here, you can kiss me on the cheek. 

S: I'm alright.....

(Everyone dying of laughter as we get back in the car)

S: Do you want to go up higher?

H: Oh yeah, Christine might make out with you if we go any higher!

In conclusion, it was a lovely lookout point. And we all kept our spit to ourselves.