Life can get a little awkward when……….
- You go to an elementary school (where
you are supposed to be a teacher) and happen to be wearing the same skirt as
one of the students.
-Someone asks how you and
this boy know each other and the boy in question quickly replies “We flirt in
church.”
-You go to buy a car
and learn all about the dealer, including, but not limited to: his conversion
to the church, the story of his move from Iran to America, how many kids are in
his family, the life story of his favorite son, the story of the time he
switched careers from making crowns and bridges for teeth to selling cars, his
political leanings…..
-You can’t even bring
yourself to smile at the people working at FedEx because that place is a joke
and you feel a little bit like they are waxing your nostrils with duct tape because
of how much everything costs.
-Sooomebody has to
stand up and say how great of a game kissing rugby is, and no one else steps up
to the plate, so it ends up being you. And then you’re that girl.
-You tell a few people
that you are considering going back to your old ward this upcoming Sunday, and
every last one of them responds: “Oh, there are no cute boys in your new ward?”
-And you have to admit
that no, there are not.
-You have a dream that you are serving a mission and your mission president's wife is giving a presentation to welcome you to the mission, and she announces that Matt Damon is in the boundaries of the mission, and he loves the missionaries, so feel free to get rides with him whenever, but don't kiss him. She goes on, "It is soooo hard not to kiss him. But don't do it. My gosh. It's, like really hard." And then all the other sister missionaries turn to you and nod and confirm that it is so hard not to kiss him.
-Also, Arie was supposed to be going to your mission, too, but he broke his leg right before. So that's a bummer.
-You have to tell a
dealer that you don’t want their car, and you find yourself channeling your
inner Emily Maynard in the hopes that you will be able to break up with the
dealer as gracefully as she broke up with 24 guys.
-You call your mom
every day at the same time to ask her to get you un-lost again.
-You seriously consider
going to the dollar theater to watch “The Lucky One” by yourself, since your
Zac Efron fan friend is currently in a different state and your other friends
expressed specific disdain for the fact that he won some Teen Choice Awards.
 |
| But for real, how could you find fault with this? |
-You watch Toddlers and Tiaras and it has the opposite of the
intended effect on you. As in, you watch it and kind of want to
put your children in pageants….
-Someone txts you "Be there in a sex."
-The next day, someone else txts you "Ok, see you in a sex."
-Both someones are immediately horrified and correct themselves.
Both someones get a txt from you that says, "I'm sexcited!" because
you are convinced that it wasn't only funny the first time and that this is a
joke that is okay to repeat with different audiences.
-You fill out a damage sheet for the apartment you just moved
into, which is the same apartment you painted 2 years ago, and in the spot
where it asks about whether the walls are white or painted, you not only list
the colors of all the walls but also compliment them.
-You go to buy 50 composition notebooks, 25 pencil boxes, 25
highlighters, 50 colored pens, 30 dry erase markers, 25 desk name tags, 50
boxes of crayons, 60 erasers, 48 glue sticks, and 100 folders at Walmart, and
the cashier asks: "Are you a teacher?"
-And you respond, "No, I just have a lot of kids."
-And for a second, he looks like he believes you.
-You txt a friend and accidentally ask what time "Capture
the Fag" is going to start.
-You meet the worst boy ever at the pool, and he is the really
persistent kind who keeps trying to talk to you and your friends, despite your
blatantly rude body language that clearly says "don't talk to me, in fact
would you please go crawl into a hole because that's how annoying you are...."
-You go to a baseball game and are told by the little girl
sitting in front of you “Okay, I won’t lick your legs. But they sure do look
tasty!”
-You go to the bank to deposit a check like an adult and the
banker goes to shake your hand and asks what your name is, and you have to
shift everything you're holding to the other hand and pull the lollipop out of
your mouth to answer, and you realize that no amount of check-depositing will
truly make you into an adult.
-You and your sister make cupcakes for a friend for her
birthday. They are the best cupcakes ever. Then, you don't know where she
lives, so you just eat a couple while you wait on getting her address.
-On a possibly related note, you learn, through personal
experience, that it is indeed possible to eat 18 cupcakes in 5 days. By
yourself.
And finally, it can get a little awkward when all the
things on this list are actually the little things that make your life really
enjoyable :)
