Shimp Home for the Holidays

This year is my first year not going home for Christmas.

.....I KNOW. Hash tag, big girl.

Instead of Baltimore lights twinkling up into my airplane window on Friday, I experienced the lights of Indianapolis for the fist time.

Then I experienced:

-some delicious cheesy bread, sugar cookies, peanut butter fudge, and cold medicine
-getting tackled by little boys who quickly stopped when they realized I was not their sister
-using all of Natalie's makeup since I apparently left all of mine in Utah
-going out Christmas shopping in the middle of Indianapolis flooding

{I'm serious. I got an emergency weather alert txt telling me to stay away from potential flooding areas}

-sleeping with Stephen in the bed his parents assigned to us. Oh, with his brother in the same bed.
-the Christmas program in the Indy 1st ward, which included a fabulous special musical number and donuts after the meeting
-a Christmas dinner at an interior designer grandma's BEAUTIFUL home

-a conversation that went like this:

me: Brandon, are you taller than me now?
We stand up to measure ourselves and find that he is a good 3 inches taller.
Diane: Oh yeah, I can't keep him in the same pair of pants for more than a month! He just grows out of them so fast!

-followed by a riveting game of boys vs. girls Catchphrase

-in which I got "growing pains," and the timer was speeding up, and it was up to me to help my team guess it, and I blurted out: "Okay, this is what....Brandon keeps doing this out of his pants."

-and my team didn't guess it and instead just got really confused.

-so I said, "Diane was just telling me about it!"

-and then people just laughed instead of guessing and I had to try something else.

There's no place like home for the holidays, but there's an H on one of the stockings here, and Natalie drew me in the family picture she put in Eric's room, and I'm surrounded by people I love. Besides which, there's a huge ball of mistletoe that I can stand under whenever I want. So for my first Christmas away from home, it's going to be a pretty nice one :)

Swearing After Midnight

So, I love my family. Soooo so so much. I think they are the best family in the entire world.

But this last weekend, I hung out with my pretend family here in Utah, who I told you about before, and it was very different than when I hang out with my Connor family in Maryland.

For example: my Connor brothers tackle me about 50% of the times that I try to tackle them. My Utah brothers tackle me whenever they walk past me. My Connor dad likes to go to bed before 11, 12 at the latest. For Uncle Wayne, the party is just getting started at 11 pm.

Here's a summary of the weekend, in dialogue form:

Me: So what's this game called?
Steve: This is Screw Your Neighbor.
Grandma: I think we should call it, Trick Your Neighbor, or Cheat Your Neighbor. Those sound nicer.
Uncle Wayne: What, Grandma, you don't want to screw your neighbor?
Grandma: You mean my grandson? No.
Valen: Kill your neighbor?
Me: Bum-squeeze your neighbor!

"Now we've gotta sit here and watch him play with them all night...." -a very unhappy Grandpa while Caden was shuffling the cards

"Oooh, sorry. You didn't hear that, right? Sorry....I swear after midnight." -Uncle Wayne

Uncle Wayne: Hey, put those away! I got those for breakfast tomorrow.
Grandma: Tomorrow's Fast Sunday....
*Everyone pounces on the donuts. Someone gets out milk. And chips. And another bag of chips as well.*
Steve: *pushing the chips towards me* Eat some NOW! Didn't you hear? Tomorrow's Fast Sunday!

"Be nice to your SISTER!" - any of the boys when one of their brothers punched, poked, tickled, squeezed, and harassed me in any way

Brad: Girls don't fart, they whisper in their panties.
Caden: Grandma, do you whisper in your panties?
Grandma: No, I scream.
Uncle Wayne --> Grandpa: She's your wife....

"You should know they're just doing this because you're here. So they all have to flex their hormones." -Grandpa

Valen: I'm flirting with her! We're txting and flirting right now!
Steve: Yeah, maybe you can shut up about it and take your turn....
Valen: Shut up, just because you don't have a girlfriend!
Steve: You're not gonna have one either when she comes over and sees how wild you are....
Me: Steve doesn't have a girlfriend because he's waiting to take my sister on a date in the fall!

"Next you'll be saying you yodel in your panties. Here come the yodelers! Boy, that'll ruin girls for you. I never would've wanted to get married if I had heard about this before." -Uncle Wayne

Steve: Noo-no!
Me: Noo-no? You mean Uno?
Steve: Noo-no what I meant!

And here is a list of the nicknames I earned, names I don't recall ever having been called by my own family:

- Woman
- Mama
- Sugar
- Toots
- Steering Wheel
- Four-wheeler

...............................don't ask. 

Awkward Turtle

Life can get a little awkward when……….

- You go to an elementary school (where you are supposed to be a teacher) and happen to be wearing the same skirt as one of the students.

-Someone asks how you and this boy know each other and the boy in question quickly replies “We flirt in church.”

-You go to buy a car and learn all about the dealer, including, but not limited to: his conversion to the church, the story of his move from Iran to America, how many kids are in his family, the life story of his favorite son, the story of the time he switched careers from making crowns and bridges for teeth to selling cars, his political leanings…..

-You can’t even bring yourself to smile at the people working at FedEx because that place is a joke and you feel a little bit like they are waxing your nostrils with duct tape because of how much everything costs.

-Sooomebody has to stand up and say how great of a game kissing rugby is, and no one else steps up to the plate, so it ends up being you. And then you’re that girl.

-You tell a few people that you are considering going back to your old ward this upcoming Sunday, and every last one of them responds: “Oh, there are no cute boys in your new ward?”

-And you have to admit that no, there are not.


-You have a dream that you are serving a mission and your mission president's wife is giving a presentation to welcome you to the mission, and she announces that Matt Damon is in the boundaries of the mission, and he loves the missionaries, so feel free to get rides with him whenever, but don't kiss him. She goes on, "It is soooo hard not to kiss him. But don't do it. My gosh. It's, like really hard." And then all the other sister missionaries turn to you and nod and confirm that it is so hard not to kiss him. 

-Also, Arie was supposed to be going to your mission, too, but he broke his leg right before. So that's a bummer. 

-You have to tell a dealer that you don’t want their car, and you find yourself channeling your inner Emily Maynard in the hopes that you will be able to break up with the dealer as gracefully as she broke up with 24 guys.

-You call your mom every day at the same time to ask her to get you un-lost again.

-You seriously consider going to the dollar theater to watch “The Lucky One” by yourself, since your Zac Efron fan friend is currently in a different state and your other friends expressed specific disdain for the fact that he won some Teen Choice Awards.

But for real, how could you find fault with this?

-You watch Toddlers and Tiaras and it has the opposite of the intended effect on you. As in, you watch it and kind of want to put your children in pageants….

-Someone txts you "Be there in a sex."

-The next day, someone else txts you "Ok, see you in a sex."

-Both someones are immediately horrified and correct themselves. Both someones get a txt from you that says, "I'm sexcited!" because you are convinced that it wasn't only funny the first time and that this is a joke that is okay to repeat with different audiences.

-You fill out a damage sheet for the apartment you just moved into, which is the same apartment you painted 2 years ago, and in the spot where it asks about whether the walls are white or painted, you not only list the colors of all the walls but also compliment them.

-You go to buy 50 composition notebooks, 25 pencil boxes, 25 highlighters, 50 colored pens, 30 dry erase markers, 25 desk name tags, 50 boxes of crayons, 60 erasers, 48 glue sticks, and 100 folders at Walmart, and the cashier asks: "Are you a teacher?"

-And you respond, "No, I just have a lot of kids." 

-And for a second, he looks like he believes you.

-You txt a friend and accidentally ask what time "Capture the Fag" is going to start.

-You meet the worst boy ever at the pool, and he is the really persistent kind who keeps trying to talk to you and your friends, despite your blatantly rude body language that clearly says "don't talk to me, in fact would you please go crawl into a hole because that's how annoying you are...."

-You go to a baseball game and are told by the little girl sitting in front of you “Okay, I won’t lick your legs. But they sure do look tasty!”

-You go to the bank to deposit a check like an adult and the banker goes to shake your hand and asks what your name is, and you have to shift everything you're holding to the other hand and pull the lollipop out of your mouth to answer, and you realize that no amount of check-depositing will truly make you into an adult. 

-You and your sister make cupcakes for a friend for her birthday. They are the best cupcakes ever. Then, you don't know where she lives, so you just eat a couple while you wait on getting her address.

-On a possibly related note, you learn, through personal experience, that it is indeed possible to eat 18 cupcakes in 5 days. By yourself. 

And finally, it can get a little awkward when all the things on this list are actually the little things that make your life really enjoyable :)

The charmed life

sometimes involves.....

- waking up, going outside, picking raspberries and blackberries, and eating them with your cereal.

- breaking world records in all Track and Field events after 2 hours of playing Kinect Sports with your sister.

- tackling your siblings in a concerted effort to get stronger.

- becoming addicted to the Big Bang Theory, simply because there is so much time around here.

- eating all the caramel in the world. Literally. ALL THE CARAMEL.

- saying, "Julie! / Joseph! / Jacob! / Sarah! How come.....you're so cute?" every time I see one of those cute people.

- becoming a pro at shooting a basketball backwards.

- narrowly avoiding vicious scams by people who don't live charmed lives like stupid Patricia J. Hall.

- listening to this song on a loop:

  

- following up every family prayer with 12 push-ups and 21 crunches (or however old you are).

- trying to tackle your brother only to bang your head on the wall.

- wondering, "but why is the jam gone?"

- laughing hysterically because Pluto isn't technically a planet.

- blasting this song every time it is on the radio and singing along with Baby Sister:

 

- going to Rita's whenever I feel like it, because it is just like 5 minutes away instead of 2000 miles away like it is when I'm in Utah....

- having friends over who cover your brother's eyes when an inappropriate part comes on in the movie you're watching.

- having brothers who cover your friend's eyes when an inappropriate part comes on in the movie you're watching.

- phrases like "Screw you, Tower of Babel!" coming up in scripture study.

- spending a morning watching Steve Irwin videos on YouTube with Baby Sister.

- stacking up significant fines on your library card and feeling really embarrassed about that since they just waived $18.40 in fines from the last time you checked something out (February of 2011).

- lunching with the Padre.

- hacking into my grandma's Facebook. getting nice posts on Facebook clearly written by my grandma who loves me.

All for a Kiss

Winston Churchill once said: "There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."

I can see his point. It would be hard to kiss someone who is leaning away from you. It is even harder to kiss someone who is running away from you, diving into a fetal position, and burying their head in the ground.

Have you ever tried to kiss someone under these circumstances? Have you ever done any of these things in an effort to avoid being kissed? (And I'm not talking metaphorically.) Have you ever worked so hard for a kiss that you actually got a bruise? Or a bloody lip? Or two kinda black eyes? Have you ever been tackled to the ground by a boy trying to kiss you? Have you ever been kissed by a complete stranger and not even felt mad about it?

Because I could answer yes to all of those questions, all thanks to my lovely friend Jeremy.

And I'm not talking about the same kind of kiss that Lady Antebellum made up a song about.

  

Imagine, if you will, that you have spent three days straight, doing nothing but packing and cleaning. You have scrubbed and swept, and in your mind, your apartment is spotless. And then a horrible lady who is in charge of the apartments comes along, and she is a beast, and she tears apart all your work. So you start cleaning again, resigned to the fact that you will be spending your last night in Provo (for a month at least) just cleaning and re-cleaning.

And then there is a knock on the door. And a boy with a nice smile is standing there, and he invites you to come play kissing rugby, and tells you that you are already wearing the perfect shorts for such a game.

When this happened to me, my immediate response was, "I have to clean my tub again" with a sad little sigh.

To which he responded, "No you don't. Come!"

Would you not have been persuaded by such an eloquent argument? I threw down my magic eraser and left with him right then.

Here is how kissing rugby is played: Every girl gets a letter. Every boy gets a number. Someone sits in the middle and calls out a letter and a number. If the person in the middle is a girl, the boy she called has to kiss her before the girl she called can kiss the boy she called. So the girl who was called has to try to kiss the boy while he tries to kiss the girl in the middle, and she tries not to get kissed. If there is a boy in the middle, the girl he called has to try to kiss him (with his help) while the boy he called tries to kiss the girl. Whoever loses then becomes the person in the middle. And when I say "lose," I just mean that they technically lose. Because let's be honest, even the losers can kind of win, don't you think?

Here's a video that I found online of some people at institute playing kissing rugby:

  

Doesn't that look so fun?? We played for 2 hours. Apparently they play every Wednesday, so you know I'm going to be joining in again as soon as I am back in Provo. We took some videos before it got dark, so hopefully I will have some to put up here soon!

Warning: My mom said that I look like a battered woman now. I have counted 12 bruises, but I'm pretty proud of them. I feel like it was worth it!

And the semester begins.

I don't know why, but I really feel like blogging right now! So I'm going to.

Yesterday, I was super-productive.

First, I went to my stats lecture. I started out this semester really apprehensive about my stats class, but I am actually really liking it. I got there a little earlier than usual this time so I got to sit wherever I wanted and I randomly sat down next to this guy who happens to be in my lab! So that was cool. I have an hour break between my stats lecture and lab on Fridays, so in my spare time, I went to the library and got a little homework done for other classes. When I went to my lab, I met up with a girl who was in my ice-skating class last semester! That was so fun. We are going to have a study group :) After lab, I was done with stats for the day and I headed off to the Eyring Science Center to try and add a class. Unfortunately it was all full, but I stayed because it was so fun (oh, also because I am just going to try to add it at another time).

As soon as I was done with that class, I went to the library, did some more homework, and then hurried to catch the next bus back to my apartment. I got home at about 2:00, ran around grabbing everything I wanted to send to Jake in his package, and then caught the 2:12 bus back to campus. It was pretty impressive. Here is what I sent in this package:

1. shark fruit snacks. (since he's a fisher of men.)

2. chips ahoy. (since who doesn't love those.)

3. flyswatters. (He's in Mexico. So there are probably a few flies down there. Haha I had to bend the wire handles to fit them in the box....so hopefully he'll be able to unbend them....)

4. Immunity Crystal Light. (so he doesn't get sick.) Also Live Active Crystal Light. (in case he doesn't feel like being lively or active. or his companion doesn't.)

5. antacid tablets. (so he doesn't feel sick.)

6. sidewalk chalk. (so he can be the most popular. lol)

7. a box of pastaroni. (we always used to make that and I told him he can make it with his companion and have good bonding time.)

8. my "I Love to See the Temple" book I made with Caitlin and Kelly!

9. junior mints. (since he's the Jr. companion.)

10. crazy core skittles. (so he doesn't go crazy.)

11. insect bite relief. (to relieve his insect bites.)

Anyway so I was reallyy excited to send this package. I don't know how long it will take to get there, but hopefully not tooooo too long.

Right after I sent my package, I had to go to this powerpoint class I'm taking. I have to take all these tests for the elementary education major that test your knowledge of microsoft products, and I don't feel like I know that much about PowerPoint, so I figured what the heck, and signed up for this two-week long class. Last class was soooo boring, but I came back, and this time, it was actually really enjoyable.

When I finished with that class, I got ice-cream with Andrea and Victoria. I love these girls :) They just sent off missionaries too, who were really good friends with Jake, which is how we know each other. It was so nice to sit and talk and eat ice cream! We sat around for like an hour just talking and it was lovely.

After ice cream I went to Kelly's apartment and we started getting ready for Fall Fest! The theme this year is superheroes, and I have wanted to dress up for this event since the beginning of the school year. It took about 3 hrs and multiple costume changes, but finally we were suited up and ready to go. I was a blue power ranger (costume courtesy of Kali, who wore my costume for Halloween last year), Kelly was a Fantastic Four, and Kali was an Incredible (costume courtesy of me, from spirit week my senior year of high school). Jordan was our makeup artist. And if I do say so myself, we looked extremely super when we showed up to that Fall Fest!

BTW. When I first got to Kelly's apt, I was sitting on Kali's bed and she looks over at me and goes, "Are those my flipflops?" I was wearing a pair of pink flipflops that I had, in fact, gotten from Kelly's apt earlier in the year, but I knew that they were Kelly's, not Kali's. So I said, "No, they're mine." Then she goes, "Did you borrow them from Kelly?" So then I didn't know whattt to say. For whatever reason, I didn't bring any flipflops to college. Oh, except for the dark blue ones which I can only find one of now. Also these really cute ones that Caitlin gave me but that's beside the point. The pointtt is, when I was helping Kelly move in, I saw a pair of pink flipflops on her floor, and I thought to myself, I didn't bring any flipflops out here. I need those! And I took them back to my own apartment. Apparently, they weren't Kelly's. They were Kali's. And I had stolen them. So that was pretty funny and I immediately returned them.

The activity was pretty fun, but it was largely dominated by freshmen, so we left pretty early and went to Red Mango in our awesome costumes. We ate our frozen yogurt, took a few pictures inside, and then went outside to expand our photo opportunities. A few minutes after we had started jumping off tables and punching the air, we realized that there was a couple parked in their car in front of the Red Mango who was thoroughly entertained by our antics. Unfazed, we went on to produce a fantasticcc line of photos.

It is nights like these that I absolutely lovvve Kelly. She is the greatest sister! Who else would spend three hours trying on outfit after outfit, throwing all their clothes on the floor, googling superheroes, and considering every possible alteration to a piece of clothing in order that they could dress up like a superhero....any! superhero....just because I really wanted to, but I didn't want to do it alone? I love that she lives so close to me and we can do fun things together like this!

I also adore Kali. When I suggested that we do this, Kali at first laughed at me, but then she totally caught the vision and helped me find costume pieces for me and for Kelly. The power ranger costume, as I mentioned earlier, was her Halloween costume last year. I'm not sure how she came to have it in her possession in the first place, but somehow she had it, and she had made several alterations to it. It used to be one piece, with the top and the legs connected. When it came to me, they were two decidely separate pieces. The pants had no waistband, and the top covered about half of my torso. The sleeves, which used to go all the way to the wearer's wrists, went only a little bit past my elbow. The legs, which should have gone all the way to my ankles, went a little bit past my knee. So, clearly, this outfit was not exactly intended for someone of my size. Or any bigger. Still, Kali valiantly tried it on, all the time saying, "I don't think this is gonna work, Heather." Despite her completely justified skepticism, she was totally willing to try it, if for no other reason than to show me that it was not an option for her outfit for the night.

Actually while we're on the subject....this costume really was in poor condition. There was a gaping hole in the arm pit of one of the sleeves, which was especially obvious when I raised my arm. There was no waistband, as I said earlier, which created problems whenever the pants came out of my leggings (I was wearing gray leggings under the pants and I had just tucked the tops of the blue pants into the waistband of my leggings to hold them up). Anyway, whenever the leggings loosened their grip a little bit, the blue pants got this nice little pucker in them that looked STUPID. So I told everyone to keep an eye on my butt for the whole night to avoid that ever happening.

Back to all the people I love. Jordan Lee was the besttt makeup artist! I usually don't do crazy makeup, and I think I was wearing more eyeshadow than I ever have in my life, but I just thought it was fun! I think that Jordan is hilarious and she was so fun to just walk around the Fall Festival with. Whew, good thing she was Kelly's roommate freshman year or else I might not know her!

I ended up falling asleep on accident at Kelly's apartment last night, on Kali's bed. I can't imagine that she appreciated that very much but apparently she let me stay there and she slept on the couch instead of waking me up to move me. This morning, Kelly woke me up and I said, "why are you in my house?" But it turns out I was in her's. So I got up, ran back to my apartment in my super-cool power ranger costume....which wasn't embarrassing atttt allllll, don't even worry about it.....and got ready for the football game!

Kelly, Christine and I all went together to the party at Glenwood. It's just down the street and Raintree residents were invited, and there was free food, so we figured why not, and went. It was so funny how many random people I saw there. In the first minute after the pizza had arrived, I saw 1. James, this guy who randomly sat down and had lunch with Kelly and I last year in the Cougareat, 2. Jeff, who was an intern in DC this summer and went to our singles ward, 3. a guy who used to date one of Kelly's roommates last year, 4. A guy who was in our country dance class last year, and 5. another guy who randomly sat down and had lunch with Kelly and I last year.

By the 4th quarter, BYU was really killing Tulane, so we went back home and Winnie took us grocery shopping. Which was so good! I get most of my food with my meal plan, but I need some things like Toaster Strudel, hello, that I can't get at the Creamery or on-campus, so I have to venture to Walmart to get it. I also got some white flipflops today, which I really have been needing. Anddd I bought Kelly a present. She is alwayyys giving me presents. It is so nice! So I got her a present this time. I bought her a pineapple :)

When I came home from Target, where I got my flipflops, I called my dad since he marched on Washington today. Sometimes I think my dad is so adorable. He lovvved it. He said it was the most inspiring thing he has ever done. He said everyone was so polite and he liked meeting as many people as he could and just talking to them. Apparently there was a really great turnout. So I'm glad he got to do that. I really love my dad. I can talk to him so easily at college. I think he is a wonderful individual, I think he is the nicest daddy, and I always always know he loves me.

When I got back to my apartment from doing that, there was a bunch of people and we all played games and had suchhh a fun time.

And now it is way too late and I really really! should be getting to bed.

I just want to say, that even with all the stupid stuff that goes on, I do love being a college student. I love it.